How to recognize and recover from the sociopaths – narcissists in your life › Forums › Sociopaths, narcissists, psychopaths as partners › My BD babydaddy( narcissist/psycho)
October 29, 2021 at 4:14 pm #66706vadzh14Participant
Hello everyone I hope all is well.
I am new onto this site.
So hello. I hope I can get some support emotionally mentally.
Me & My Narcissist have known each other since elementary. We had the same class we went to school all the way up to high school up until I moved to a private school.
Always pictured us to be together forever.
We had separated our ways had a gap I ended up with someone an had 2 kids & I left when my youngest son was 35 days old.
So years later we reconnect me & narcissist as he is silently wanting me an we hang out with a group of mutual friends we start hanging out more etc an then we end up spending alone time with out the group of friends then got intimate an starting dating an then I got pregnant he immediately denied it & said to go find the dad being disrespectful as I was in distraught, we both had our fair share of pettiness word wise towards one another.
I choose to stay away due to the shock an just safety & health of my pregnancy an not to endure stress and to make a final decision if I would be having my 3rd child.
It was hard not that I am okay with abortions and we all are entitled to our own beliefs and decisions.
I prayed for a girl an said if I do have my baby I will be fully understanding of the choice.
Mind you while us being intimate an just in his conversations I can’t wait to have a baby with you a half you half me a forever bond a forever us. A min by us. I can’t wait to caress your belly etc all being false.
We argued via text the first 2-3 months of my pregnancy an then I changed my # and went ghost. I was very sick and couldn’t take it an not understanding why he was the way he was an him coming with a very strong personality and me always saying he’s a person with a very strong personality. Trying to justify the NC behaviors with out knowing I’m dealing with one at that time.
My pregnancy was very hard very sick supper barely making through the day an then too where I was completely bed bound at home & then got faced with a scare when taking the test to find out if it’s a girl or boy
( she’s a girl almost 9 months) my blessing baby!
He had my sons added on Snapchat & added them during the begging of them meeting / so he would write my little ( middle ) child son asking how is your mom? How’s the baby ? How far is she? My son would show me I’d ignore it.
I was hurt how did it go from us being very well knowing of what we were doing having raw sex you nutting in me an telling me I love you v ima marry you, we’re gonna have a family I want a girl & the night we made her vividly remember , to go find the dad? Oh okay.
It was around December 27-29 I don’t remember exact day we ran into each other as I was driving down a street he had family who lived I went to a store near there for my father doing a run for him,
I get out the car an his mouth drops he instantly starts getting “ emotional” saying I wanna see the boys , is it mine? ( which I felt so disrespected each time)
An that’s when my misery + hell an worst days of my life would start little did I know.
I wasn’t showing much but too know me you’d know I’m pregnant or gained weight a lot of ppl didn’t know.
He told his mother she contacted me immediately (the sneakiest narcissist) but I respect elders but I definitely learned my lesson with her,
She knowing her son is juggling multiple woman an since he has them pay him an basically his mother she plays the role well & right in each place need be.
I noticed she is contacting me 24/7 an claims that since they are shocked & missed most of my pregnancy an this an that an my condition of being sick she wants close tabs an to be apart of every moment only to come to find out her son is busy with another woman which at this point it wasn’t my problem but the way they did it, & the disrespect that came with it an of course after us having a long conversation with the gap of months + me being pregnant he lied when questions where asked.
I was admitted to the hospital Jan 26 2021 an I barely was able too even function it makes me tear to even think an write how he treated me in the hospital how he talked to me how he literally treated me like I was a scum a piece of gum on the side of the road,
He would use his presence as weapon an he would walk in say something only because I didn’t have any emotion or was literally exhausted from dry heaving throwing up nothing because their was nothing to throw up I hadn’t eaten in 64 days I was on a PICC line I was on multiple IV’s he’d come an sit on his phone an ignore me an if I’d say why are you here treating me this way? He’d say I can leave an get up an leave an mind you he’s the one who came to take me via me telling his mom what’s going on not him,
An she informed him & he showed up to my house.
He came an got the dad band / an with Covid still in full affect hospital restrictions.
I didn’t give it to him or ask him.
Nurse was doing her daily routine an he walks in an nurse looks at him an at me an I did the same look at him an her I was lost.
His mother on the phone with me 24/7 but only covering her sons track of his lies & etc.
My doctor tells me I’m staying till I give birth / an complications and etc I was so sick my parents took over with my boys, he didn’t offer no help nothing in the 3 weeks I was there he showed up 4x 5 max
An the night before she was going to come I told him & his mom Valentine’s Day he said he doesn’t believe it she was suppose to be here 2 weeks ago,
He was so rude & so “ knowledgeable “ but it was his first child an still him in denial.
My heart rate was 199 I was rushed in early morning the nurses even didn’t like his energy an how he was with me they told me I can choose a different support person
( imagine Covid strict rules an someone other then dad) –
He missed her birth & then showed up the next day only to tell me bed side he was with another woman & fucking her an got a God Nut a fire nut.
& I’m mad because I’m fat & she’s fine an looks good an I could never be the mother she is.
I honestly felt like someone took a jigsaw an sliced me down the middle & I had a c-section so I was in pain, an it was my 3rd c-section more scaring more painful,
I felt dead literally an I was so terrified with my daughter being admitted to NICU-
I was so afraid Mommyblues
I prayed I prayed my heart wouldn’t turn or go cold an me be a bad new mother again to my daughter meaning to let this feeling over take an me not want to do anything.
The nurses an doctors all knew he was a Dick.
The last nurse I had kicked him out she said your not supportive at all an making her blood pressure go high she explained to the charge nurse everytime he came the last 2 days my heart rate & blood pressure went up.
He was happy about it.
I doubt it even affected him he was able to get back to his hottie fire fuck.
He left me for cold.
After that I don’t know how I even would want him around or could but sure enough I did we started communicating he would come to the house harass yell talk shit & leave.
I would be so upset.
I would be so hurt.
It would leave me lost wondering hurt.
He was never there.
He missed her first dr appointment his mother came to it.
Acting embarrassed for him but only to be his cover up in everything.
We continued back & forth he broke my ribs & left me in the house an left.
He would call me private when I’d block over & over & over. & over.
An now fast forward too now, it’s a holiday weekend & of course he’s playing the ( Silent Treatment) but doesn’t know I filed a police report an ima let him think he’s doing something. Im done I went through hell for 10 months almost !! As she’s about to be 9 months what I’ve endured is unbearable.
Sorry for long post! I hope it finds its purpose an just a beginning of a journey to healing. ❤️🩹🙏🏼
October 29, 2021 at 5:47 pm #66710polestarParticipant
Hi Vad – you are a true hero – I don’t know anyone who could have possibly endured what you did and to have at the same time brought a beautiful baby girl into the world. Congratulations on your new baby ! I’m glad that you have made the determination to completely separate from the one who has abused you in every way. Remember that going No Contact also includes to have no contact with the abuser’s friends or family. So that means don’t allow him to weasel into your life via his mother. And don’t let them guilt trip you about her being the grandmother. So cut her off completely as well. If it is hard for you, which I understand because it is always a challenge for all of us to go No Contact, then remember that you have the opportunity to begin a totally new life with your new baby and that you can offer her a life where she can be free of associations with toxic people. I just had an idea – perhaps get in touch with the nurses etc at the hospital who can verify his treatment of you and about your blood pressure going up and all the rest, and to have them document it. That way you can have evidence to bring against him with the police in case he tries to “ Hoover “ and tries to harass you further. Feel free to post as much as you feel the need for support, because we want to see you being safe and to be able to live the life that you deserve.
Blessings to you
October 29, 2021 at 6:27 pm #66711vadzh14Participant
Immediate tears I got when seeing your comment/ thank you for being the first to respond & say the comforting, touching, words that I feel deprived from so it makes me instantly cry an warmth!
Honestly I didn’t know how myself an at times I blame myself an beat myself over it, as to him being nothing but hurtful an painful in every aspect in my life.
It gets way worse as well as I said some.
To him breaking my ribs & leaving an going to another females ( supply) an leaving me in the house with having no help an 3 kids to watch thank God my children didn’t witness it. That was a blessing that they didn’t witness it.
He didn’t say a word to me after even though normally in a normal mind frame I shouldn’t want to hear from a person who broke my ribs but I wanted to know did he even care? Why did he do what he did? Is that even okay? What happens now? He told me to suck it up an stfu an have my younger son help me that he has “ work” he has over the years used his work as a form of don’t contact him while he’s at work or he gets livid pissed is a form of control for all his supplies so no one crosses each other or knows something fishy!
His phone is mostly on DND mode or hide alerts as he has iPhone.
But back to the point sorry at times I drift off,
I caught him there.
An he didn’t come out my friend help me catch him.
As family & a friend helped me with the first week the next I was forced with no choice to take care of the kids in agony pain I had 4 broken ribs an bruised internally an chest wall cavity damage Etc it was bad I have the full CT scan report / + the bruises an how he almost killed me by choking me till I couldn’t breathe an then grabbed the towel an tried to finish me off our daughters chair was behind my head as painful as it was I grabbed it an he thought I wanted to hit with it but it was me not being able to speak an in that moment a form of reminding him of her! For whatever reason that was God or how & why I did that, he stopped.
An got up & yanked me up & abused me more for hours held my phone an kept me getting medical attention.
After I caught him, he would call private if I would answer he’d say I love you guys an hang up
Or not speak at times.
While being at that supplies house they called DCFS anonymously on me an made such a gruesome report it was horrible it truly traumatized my 12 & 11 year old because even me immediately knowing it was him & her
My sons with out me telling them they knew as well their smart lil fellas!
From Detecive’s / to DCFS their own nurses to workers to multiple interviews. It took the life out of me!
An having to remain strong an a mother for my kids!
Then he made false police reports of vandalism, when he vandalizes everything of mine from car, to phone; to property takes an destroys.
So now he’s trying to apologize but I’m not going for it. Absolutely under no circumstances.
I won’t allow my children the boys to walk with their heads down every time they see him for his self pleasure an ego boost an narcissistic points.
It will be hard but I will get through it.
His mother everyone is blocked. I will not entertain any of them.
I have to get my locks changed today.
Thank you so much!
I truly appreciate it.
October 29, 2021 at 7:50 pm #66712polestarParticipant
Hi Vad –
You are doing everything perfectly ! Try to realize that when abusers abuse as horribly as in the way you had to endure, that what they want is for you to feel worthless. And the problem is that beyond any physical injury, believing that you are worthless because of horrific treatment is what they are after. Don’t let him get away with that crime. It is he who has the huge problems and it is he who will suffer the consequences in some form or another in his life. What goes around comes around, as they say. So your main job from my point of view is not to accept any put downs due to ill treatment and not to believe those lies that try to rob you of your worthiness. You have so much to be proud of – being a good mother of 3 children is so commendable ! Fight like a lion to keep him away just as you are doing and to keep your head up in dignity. Your children will “ get “ it and that will also bring them happiness. So keep up the great work that you are doing !
November 9, 2021 at 6:58 am #66737Donna AndersenKeymaster
vadzh14 – what a terrible story. I am so sad for what you have endured. This man does not deserve to be in your life or the life of your child. Please make it your goal to have No Contact with him. He has nothing to offer you.
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