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My Marriage has been broken by a psychopath?

This topic contains 1 reply, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  Donna Andersen 1 week ago.

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  • #43035

    daisy8
    Participant

    It happened relatively quickly, by that I mean over a period of 6-12 months.
    There are only my husband and two of our close friends ( one of whom the psychopath claimed was his best friend and is the patriach of our group of friends) who believe me that he was a psychopath.

    I never thought I would have an affair, I am an extremely moral person and having been married for 10 years still had stars in my eyes when I looked at my husband even though our marriage was by no means perfect and our family had suffered a serious trauma in the last 12 months. We were doing okay, I was in counselling, as I have been on and off for the last 10 years due to depression.

    I still dont know if i believe it myself, How could he manage to wangle his way between my husband and I…..can someone really be THAT manipulative?

    Okay, I’m jumping the gun, let me explain….

    I remember the first time I saw the guy…..nothing of note, in fact i didnt like him at all, something I couldnt quite put my finger on but I knew there was something shady about him. My husband and he seemed to be having a ‘bromance’ of sorts and he would regularly come to our home and stop for dinner. He would invite my husband out during the week ‘with the boys’ and they became fast friends.
    Fast forward a few months and we are in a situation where we are running a business, the psychopath is our live-in manager, for finanacial reasosn my husband believes we should move out of our home and live above the business. The psychopath encourages this….in fact he was whispering in my husbands ear all along, the manipulation had started on him, an easy target as he is mildly on the autistic spectrum.

    Now we are living with the psychopath, he seems to adore our children…my husbands and my relationship now seems to involve him too (and another girl whom was living with us at the time, my friends daughter) he seems to get wind of my discontent at my husband not wanting to have a 3rd child, at not feeling ‘well looked after’ by my husband he seems to pick up the pieces where my husband is lacking.
    He undermines him in front of others, saying he is fat and making him feel bad, whilst all the while he is making me feel like he is my soul mate.

    One night I ended up confessing to him that i could not get him out of my mind. He told our mutual friends, they did not say anything to me. The next few nights after he told me he felt the same and so the deceit started…I felt so confused, I didnt know what was going on, it all felt so surreal. My marriage was over?? We were going to seperate?? I couldnt get my head around it, i felt so numb all the time and drank a lot during this period, the psychopath encourgaed the drinking….I even wondered afterwards with my husband and daughters friend’ if he had been drugging me as a lot of the time I felt so unwell.

    eventually My husband and I ended up seperating for a few short days, during this time everything came to a head…

    Once my husband had removed any possibility of any finances being put his way from the business he completely changed, I was confused by what he was saying, one minute he would be telling me he wanted to wrap me up in cotton wool and take me away from everything and the next minute he would be angry and shouting. I recall agreeing to go with him back to his home country and abandon my children to my husband…..Now I cannot fathom, how or why i would say this.
    I never thought that anyone could manipulate someone so greatly that they could ‘make’ them say things that they wouldnt under normal circustances ever say/ do.

    When it was over my husband was there for me, he had been worried and we has to call the police to get him removed from the building. I was scared, I thought i had been falling in love with him. My friends told me that during the time the psychopath had me ‘ under his spell’ I was not behaving like myself. It took them to figure out that all was not well.
    If it wasnt for my husband and friends trying to figure it out I may have gone with him, I may have lost my two dear children, my husband and my family and friends….an myself too i guess.

    I didnt suffer years of abuse from a psychopath. My marriage has suffered though and although I know we will get through it I am scared to face what has happened as it is difficult enough for me to make sense over. I am worried, when we go to see a therapist that they will not believe me.

    Has anyone else experienced anything similar? Can anyone give me any words to help?
    Thankyou for reading.

  • #43120

    Donna Andersen
    Keymaster

    daisy8 – I have certainly heard similar stories. The psychopath had an agenda, and he was willing to do anything to accomplish his agenda, including trying to destroy your marriage.

    They are like cult leaders and they are capable of brainwashing. I think that is what happened to you. Luckily your husband was there to rescue you.

    Get the man out of your life – and also out of your husband’s life. Both of you should never talk to him again.

    Give yourself time and you will recover.

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