My NC Journey 1-30 March 2018

[vivacParticipant]

Thank you all for your comments. I thank the Lord for leading me to this website. I had reached a point when I had so many unanswered questions but through lovefraud.com, I have partners who walk with me on this journey of relationship/ marital breakthroughs. I know you’ll ask what marital breakthroughs? All I can say is that through this journey we will be led to a land of relationship milk and honey.

Resources: I follow all the links you post and apply as much as possible to my life, I’ve bought two books recommended on this website ( Why does he do that? – Lundy Bancroft and Becoming the Narcissists Night mare by Shahida Arabi). I now I understand why they say ‘people suffer for a lack of knowledge’.

About a month ago I read on taking care of self; hygiene, sleep, drink water, exercise, practice gratitude among all the valuable nuggets. I did all these for a week before a friend introduced me to 7 Days Fasting and Prayer.

I usually go to church but I’ve never had such an experience in my life. The first three days and three nights I was engaged in prayer and reading the Bible without food and water Queen Esther Style. Then for the four days I only survived on water and prayer.

I must have died a million times during this time. Somehow this fast rebooted my system. I cleared the fog in my head. I realized how precious my life is among other things that I’ve taken for granted. I realized how fickle my life is. On the 7th day I was more concerned about survival than anything else ( self preservation theory) leave alone itching to call R. Somehow he lost his importance in my life. I treasured the birds that would sing melodiously as my stomach groaned. I treasured the warmth of the sun on my skin as I crawled on the floor. I now know how water tastes like. I now know how precious life is.

I MAY never do a 7 day Fast again in my life but it helped me prioritize God and myself over anything else. When I had my first bite of food which was ten days later I had a wide smile on my face. I’ve been smiling and laughing ever since. I feel like I narrowly escaped death. Afterwards I went and did my hair, scrubbed my face, shaved my legs and brushed my teeth. I am upgraded now.

It’s been a month since NC. It’s not the restrictive NC I was used to where I could block contacts or restrain myself from dialing or fantasize endlessly about R. My kind of NC is total evacuation. It feels like he was never here in that way. He’s gone. The toxicity between just left. It’s been more than a month now.

Then one evening I was going to join a friend for a stroll and a guy literally fell over himself to talk to me. I got a chance to ask a guy to help me out with my research without looking out for red flags. A third guy stopped me by the road side for a chat. These few things have really boosted my self esteem.
I know I will be well.

I love flowers more. I’m taking longer walks. I notice insects. I notice hair styles. I’m working towards restoring me. In 7 days I upgraded my OS. I just love the feeling.

It took a near life experience to live again.

It’s time to cross new milestones.

It’s time to laugh until you cry or pee or fall.

Keep posting. Your pain is your destiny. By sharing your pain and so much of yourself you’re actually sharing love. Love is the only thing that heals, forgives and is eternal.

Thank you for this blog and its members.
Thank you for this blog and its members.
Thank you for this blog and its members.

[Donna AndersenKeymaster]

Vivac – what an inspirational post! I am so glad that Lovefraud has helped you in your journey!

Yes – life can be better after the sociopath. When we commit to making our life better, miracles happen.

[Author]

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