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I would be curious to hear other people’s experiences of healing from narcissistic abuse and how they overcame the effects of it and went on to attract healthy partners and enter into happy, healthy, freeing relationships. The healing process seems gruelingly long. Day after Christmas was one anniversary since my narcissist, ex-fiancé broke up with me and I found out the day of that he is engaged to another girl. Brings back fresh memories and anger. I feel much, much healthier, happy, and free than I have ever been but still often see the effects narcissistic abuse still has on my life from jumping when someone walks into the room, to tensing whenever talking to a male, to being fearful and defensive. What small steps have helped you to full recovery and healing?
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Hi Snownfire –
I really understand what you are asking about and your experience. I love my life and have so many interests and joys and loving people in my life – yet, I am sensitive to sociopathic abuse and people of that elk will somehow arrive or arise from the past, and I have to get out my books on the subject, dust them off and do the study, and watch supportive You Tubes and listen to songs that empower me and basically go through the whole healing process all over again. The good news is that it is a process and we do come out the other side to our baseline healthy and happy self again. I am not just saying these things off the cuff because I have gone through extremely difficult and painful situations and relationships so that I can truly claim to be a survivor. But my best advice to you is when these situations arise that bring back the memories and anger and angst, to do the difficult work yet again and thus to pick up oneself yet again. I think the thing that I have come to realize is what is most detrimental is that we somehow resent having to do the work all over again, so what I do is to make a concerted effort to accept doing the healing work again, when I know I would rather be doing something else – like being happy and playing my flute or other enjoyments. On the positive side though, we do get more ah ha moments and understandings and that is very satisfying. Anyway, you did it before and each time you will be even more skilled. One day we will be like black belts ! Many Blessings and Happy New Year to you ! -
Hi snowfire. Donna has a blog. Yes, there can be love after a sociopath. It is in the blog section. You might check it out.
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Snownfire – Welcome to Lovefraud. Sociopaths, including narcissists, specialize in targeting our vulnerabilities, and we all have vulnerabilities. Most people discover that they’re not just recovering from the narcissist; they are also recovering from multiple experiences before the most recent narcissist that made them vulnerable in the first place.
Most of us, therefore, have multiple layers of emotional wounds that need to be addressed. As we deal with some of them, more may come to our awareness. Also, the recent holidays may have triggered your memories of the discard. It may seem like you’re feeling the same painful emotions, but really what you’re doing is unearthing pain that was buried even deeper. In other words, you’re making more progress.
We have lots of information here on Lovefraud to help you. Start on the recovery page – it will point you in the right direction. Also, you may find the webinars presented by Mandy Friedman to be helpful. She offers plenty of actionable tips.
Courses for survivors: Recovery from sociopaths, narcissists, psychopaths
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