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Nobody believes me. I feel trapped. Is my ex a sociopath?

This topic contains 11 replies, has 6 voices, and was last updated by  Sunnygal 1 month ago.

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  • #42021

    mercygrace
    Participant

    Sociopathy: I’m so confused & need help/answers. I just dont know where to start. I’ll try to keep it brief. My boyfriend of 6 years have now suddenly broken off our relationship & left me & our 10month old son. He was having an affair with a married woman, they are now together. Months before i found out, he treated me like i was less than human. Blaming me for every little thing & i couldnt make sense of it all because this behaviour was so unlike him. Then came all the lies, deceitful behaviour & manipulation just about anything & everything. Im trying to move on with my life but this man is constantly emotionally & mentally tormenting me when he visits the baby weekly. He purposefully aggreviates me and his always trying to set me up. He takes everything i say or do & turns it around to make it what he wants it to be to get what he wants… And he actually believes his own lies. He allows this woman to text me eventhough ive never met her or even saw a photo of her. Ive never replied to her becos i dont want that ugliness in my life. He has publicly humiliated me on social media daily. He doesnt see the hurt his causing me by his destructive behaviour. He has financially, emotionally & mentally left me desolate & ruined my reputation with his lies. I feel that he uses the baby as a tool/gateway. His latest stunt is…he stopped paying child support. I then decided to google different types of behaviours and came across sociopathy & the traits. That explains exactly how this man has treated me for the past 10months. I need to know if he could be a sociopath & how do i prove in court that he is purposefully emotionally tormenting me without him leaving any clear proof? I want to get a restraining order against him. I put boundaries in place but he just ignores them. I honestly don’t want this man in my home or near our son. For info purposes: our first 5 years he was struggling a lot financially, i was supporting him through this bad patch from using my car, to living in my home rent free, me paying for everything etc. And he has 2 other kids who lived with me practically the first year. He was always helpful & kind towards me & he really made me believe that he loved me. Then he got a great job with great money and about 5 months into that job, this man completely changed. Please help me. Nobody believes me.

  • #42022

    Stargazer
    Participant

    Dear mercygrace, I’m so sorry for what you are going through, and no, you are not alone. Sociopaths can keep the mask on for a long time, but when it finally slips, all the ugliness comes out and it’s devastating. Keep reading the articles on this site, especially the ones on how to deal with a sociopath when you have a child together. Most people who have never dealt with sociopaths would have no clue what you are dealing with, and they probably wouldn’t be very helpful to you. But this is a good place to get information and support. There are also resources somewhere on this site for therapists and support groups that are sociopath-savvy. In the meantime, know that you are dealing with a manipulative, exploitative monster, and you can’t deal with him the way you would deal with a reasonable normal person.

  • #42023

    Donna Andersen
    Keymaster

    mercygrace – The behavior you are describing is definitely that of a sociopath. The best thing you can do is figure out a way to get him out of your life. You may want to offer him a deal – if he gives up paternity rights, you won’t go after him for child support. Raise your child by yourself. He won’t pay anyway, so you have nothing to lose.

    This article might help:

    10 tactics for child custody battles with sociopaths

  • #42026

    mercygrace
    Participant

    Thank you Stargazer & Donna for your support. I honestly thought I was going crazy. And the fact that no one believes me made it worse. The word “Monster” describes him very well. He has made my life a living hell. I cried for 3 months straight every single day because every ugly horrendous thing he did hit me like a BOMB. It was just one thing after the other. The lack of respect is unbearable. But I am so very happy that my eyes are wide open now because for some time I blamed myself because he made me believe that I was the problem when he knew what he was really doing. Now…after weeks of no contact with him (that was the only way I could get some emotional peace), he called today. He didn’t even sincerely ask about our son’s well-being; instead he actually called to ask for a TV which he bought me for my birthday. Unbelievable! I just cut the call and did not respond to any of his text messages. And the threats are never ending. Does he really not love and care for our son? That breaks my heart. I still cannot believe that I am in this situation. I will definitely make use of the resources on this site. Thank you sincerely

  • #42027

    mercygrace
    Participant

    And yes I agree that I need to raise my son by myself as I cannot see myself dealing with this man for the rest of my life.

  • #42028

    Jan7
    Participant

    Mercygrace, sending you hugs!💜

    I believe you!! 💯percent!!

    We hear you!!

    You are not alone anymore!

    I can read your emotional pain in your post. I know right now you are going thru hell but like Donna stated get this man out of your life for good. Otherwise the hell of this man will get worse as the years go by.

    If you keep him in your life for your child’s sake he will make it a living nightmare for you & your child. He will not pay child support just to go to court to make your life a nightmare. He will drag you endlessly into court for fun & to toy with your emotions all to have control over you.

    He might also try to boomerang back into your life, if his current supply kicks him to the curb. So BEWARE!! He will love bomb you endless in this case. You will believe his lying words. Then once he has you hooked again he will switch back to this old evil self. And he will most likely have others on the side throughout the lovebombing process.Do a search on the word “Love bombing” here on Lovefraud.

    This is what sociopath do. It’s a constant emotional rollercoaster ride daily. That is until you decide to step off the rollercoaster ride & just watch his crazy life from a far far far distance.

    I am with Donna = sign your rights to having child support away & his rights to have access to your child. This will bring calmness in your life.

    GET THE RESTRAINING ORDER!! CONTACT YOUR LOCAL ABUSE CENTER FOR HELP WITH THIS. You can call your country’s National Domestic Violence hotline to get local numbers. In the USA 800-799-SAFE.

    Follow your gut. Your gut is saying to get this Restraining order. He may go crazy if you do so this is why it is best to get the Abuse center involved to help you with a Domestic abuse Safety & Exit Plan (do a search on this) out of this relationship.

    Dont do this alone. There is help.

    Do a search here on love fraud on “Confusion: The top warning sign of an abusive relationship”.vidoe up top right of Lovefraud is the search bar.

    Donna conducted an interview with a very knowledgeable therapist. She talks about the first sign that you are in a abusive relationship = CONFUSION!!

    I too, left my ex h & found a counselor…the first day I sat on her coach I said “I just left my husband, I’m so confused I dont know if the marriage failed because of Me, him or both. Within twenty minutes of asking me questions she told me that I was married to a Sociopath. I had no clue what this really meant, but it was the answer I finally needed to leave my marriage for good. The fact I used the word “confused” (like you) the counselor saw a RED FLAG and begin to ask me very detailed questions about our marriage. Thank goodness she was a very knowledgable counselor.

    I began to research all the traits of a sociopath and she also gave me a good on the subject to read….and there it was ALL THE CRAZINESS WITH BOOK TERMS. If you got to the book store at the top of Lovefraud you can find Donna Anderson’s book “Lovefraud 10 signs you are dating a sociopath. This may help to get more clarity on him being a sociopath.

    Your gut is SCREAMING that he is a sociopath!

    BELIVE YOUR GUT!!

    IT’S TELLING YOU THE TRUTH!!

    Reading you post = he is a sociopath!!

    Get this guy out of your life & your childs life for good!!

    Getting the restraining order will not only help you now but also long term of providing details of his controlling & abusive behavior. A trail of record if he causes any problem the judge will have recorded to read of his abuse.

    Check out the site One moms battle and their Facebook page One Moms battle.

    Tina Swiften site creator was married to a narcissist and she writes about dealing with a narcissist in court. I would recommend that you get a court order mental evaluation on your ex asap when you go to court for a restraining order (if you chose to go in this direction). This will also help you long term if he tries to come back into your life years from now.

    This is a regret of mine not to first get a restraining order on my ex h & a mental evaluation exposing his disorder.

    Hugs to you!💜

    Wishing you all the best!

    • This reply was modified 2 months, 3 weeks ago by  Jan7.
  • #42030

    Jan7
    Participant

    I just want to add that most victims of a sociopath suffer from PTSD. You might too. I believe now that the root of PTSD is adrenal fatigue caused by the sociopath endless chaos, drama and mind games.

    Look at symptoms on these sites :

    Adrenal fatigue. org

    Dr Lam. com

    google: Adrenal fatigue symptoms.

    A sociopath knows to keep their victims on their emotional edge to cause stress = to control us.

    (I have zero affilation to these sites. When I left my ex a friend directed me to a Endocrinologist Doctor who tested me for cortisol levels (fight, flight or freeze mode), vitamin & mineral deficiency and other test. And told me I had adrenal fatigue. Dr Wilson talks about toxic relationship and adrenal fatigue on his website Adrenal fatigue. org)

  • #42032

    mercygrace
    Participant

    Thank u Jan7…Wow! I’m just blown away. In our country, when a father doesn’t pay child support he automatically doesn’t have rights to the child. However if i do go to court to legally put the child support in place which government deducts directly from his salary, i know he will never leave me alone. He will use the “forced paying” as access to continue the rollercoaster. And if his paying then i cannot keep the child from him. So I’m going to cut my losses instead…that is how desperately i want this man out of my life. I felt guilty for so long re my son growing up without his father but now i don’t feel guilty anymore because this is not a good situation. I started my first counselling session last Friday but i didn’t mention my suspicious to my counsellor. I was afraid that she wouldn’t believe me 🙁 but at my next session (which is this coming Friday) i want to show her our chats. I would like her to help me with the requesting of a court order for the evaluation on him. Its hard for me to put into words the things he says and does because its so underhanded and from a distance. By the way, many counselling sessions were scheduled for the 2 of us for our sons future well-being (not couples counselling), working on our communication & future co-parenting but he kept cancelling and/or making excuses. And his famous excuse was…I DON’T NEED COUNSELLING. But i see now why he did that, he doesn’t want to be exposed. I am also now becoming aware of all his indiscretions with other women throughout the relationship – knowing what i know now, I’m not surprised. I was just a stepping stone. Nothing was real. Painful doesn’t begin to explain this hell. I am learning so much since i figured this out & i already feel more empowered. Thank you all so very much. If its okay, i will keep you guys posted on the progress.

  • #42037

    Donna Andersen
    Keymaster

    Mercygrace – I’m glad our posts are helping you. You may want to think twice about having your husband evaluated. If people know anything about sociopaths, they tend to believe sociopaths are serial killers. Most sociopaths never kill anyone. But if you say he’s a sociopath, and he hasn’t killed anyone, the court may think that you are exaggerating and being difficult. So it is better just to prove his behavior – he berates you, doesn’t pay, etc.

    Feel free to post whenever you want.

  • #42038

    mercygrace
    Participant

    Thank you Donna, that is exactly what I’m afraid of because his already telling everybody I’m crazy. I understand now that his trying to gain sympathy from others by doing this & to make himself look good. I wont rush into anything, i’ve done a lot of reading on your site which helps me tremendously in dealing with him when i really need to. I need to carefully think about what the best move would be.

  • #42619

    kat4321
    Participant

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  • #42640

    Sunnygal
    Participant

    The previous post is spam.

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