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I feel insane. My obsession with “why” someone who claimed to be my “soulmate” would do such malicious things and my obsession with knowing EVERY DETAIL of truth and my obsession with what could I have done differently have become so all-consuming, that it’s literally debilitating. I wake up 6-10 times a night, crying, sweating & terrified from night terrors. It is my first thought when I wake up every morning. I can’t work. My anxiety is so severe I have to take a prescription for it. Everywhere I go, songs on the radio, restaurants, stores, random conversations trigger me all day every day. Friends avoid me because I am unable to enjoy anything or discuss any other topic. I am so devastated I can’t imagine I will ever fully recover or trust anyone again. And after all the horrible hurtful things he’s done, I still ache for him all the time. I have spent countless hours over the last three years, reworking this equation in my head of how we could possibly make it work. He cheats. I break up. He torments me with how much happier he is. Then he flips and begs for forgiveness and promises change. And like a heroin addict, I welcome him back with open arms, knowing full well he will do it again, and still traumatized by the last time. I’ve read about the chemical addiction in the brain to the love-bombing and then rejection. I have committed to NO CONTACT twice, for 8 months at a time. But each time, he finds some way to contact me and 5 sentences later, I’m hooked again. I am stuck in an endless loop of depression, heartache, unworthiness, and I JUST CANNOT LET IT GO. Even when I’ve gone 8 months with no contact, he is STILL my every thought. But, HOW DO YOU MAKE IT STOP? I am not willing to live, if the rest of my life will be like this. PLEASE share with me ANYTHING that has worked for you.
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i really feel for what you area going through. i’m only 2 weeks out and broke no contact once and i found myself right back in the midst of his control. first know that you are an addict and will need to find a better focus for your happiness. second – talk about it. read all the suggestions here, read about sociopaths and how they manipulate and control you, then go and talk about it to people who understand. a counselor, a therapist, an online support group. realize that you do not deserve this. get mad that your life was hijacked by something that feels no remorse, lies to your face and disrespects you as a human. get people on your side. i am also on a prescription for depression, but i also take herbals to help with what that doesn’t control. look into valerian root or kava kava, and my dr. suggested l-theanine. the valerian has been a god send for my anxiety and panic.
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read ‘Getting the sociopath out of your head’. it is on the blog comments section.
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Yes, Sociopaths are very hard to get out of your head. What helps me is to realize that underneath the clown mask of charm, is a very mean and nasty person that is just heartless and selfish. You deserve better then that.
Here is the link:
Getting the sociopath out of your head -
Sociopaths may also seem like soul mates or twin flames. Don’t fall for that trap.
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