Recently divorced from pyschopath and trying to recover my mental health

[mirmom04Participant]

So trying to figure out how to condense this will it will be difficult but im hoping someone will will reach out to me with advice. January2014 I met a man online dating. He was charming, charismatic, appeared financially stable and kind. We started physically seeing each other in february. He wooed me with dinners, flowers etc and we became sexually active. He was quite the lover. The early red flags started when he texted me ALL the time and became frustrated when i was unavailable or busy with my children. We dated long distance (90 miles) until i became sick in march requiring surgery. He offered to have me come stay with him so he could ” take care of me”. I semi moved in and that lead to us deciding to get married in october. I left my 6 figure job, sold my $200000 home and moved 90 miles from friends and family. By then the red flags were screaming at me. I discovered what i thought was financial security was incredible debt, good lover was self satisfaction only with demands for more and more,he even told me ” if you dont give it I’ll find it somewhere else, charm was surface level to outsiders. We barely spoke as it was often 1 sided and he called whatever i said ” drama”. He never accepted my children and barely tolerated them as i refused to give them up. He planned everything under the premise of ” its and “surprised” and got frustrated when i wanted answers. What really messed with my head was he eould give me anything i asked for. We went on trips, he bought me jewelry (always big and gaudy which im not) while these trips were amazing he was so emotionally withdrawn i might as well have been there alone. He had no empathy for my emotions and called it drama i needed to get over. I lived in a home where i was isolated with no love, communication, friends…just stuff. I fought endlessly to msintsin my relationship eith my children but it was always an argument. He never should anger just made me feel awful and unloving. It was pulling teeth to get any past history from him but the bits i did get told me he had had a troubled life. Poor, violent, unloved etc. I was wife 4. There was a possible daughter out there that he would not speak of, an order stating he couldnt enter Canada…weird stuff. Everything was someone elses fault. Luckily I decided i deserved to be loved and told him we needed to talk or i was leaving. He looked at me with tears in my eyes and said” i jave a craving for french onion soup need to go get beef broth and left. I filed for divorced and in a week of hell moved out. He never once tried to talk about any of it. He sat stoically through all the divorce proceedings, watched me pack up and left the gouse the morning of the move. Im grateful i jad the courage to leave but it leaves me untrusting of both others and more importantly myself. I eent into his life a strong, independent, well off woman now im a shell trying to figure out how i let this all happen in my life. Outside people looking in think im crazy because outeardly it looked like i had it all. What they dont know was it was all a facade of deceit. Any words of kindness, understanding or support would be greatly appreciated

[courtney1977Participant]

Hello I just joined this blog tonight and came across your post. I see that you wrote it this morning.I have been reading for hours about narcissists sociopaths and psychopaths. I won’t going to my story as of yet. But I just wanted to tell you I’m proud of you for getting out of this type of relationship even though I don’t even know you. I know what it’s like to have children involved in the situation. I’m currently still married to my am with her we been separated for a year 500 miles between us is still wreaking emotional pain and havoc in my life. I can’t even wrap my head around some of the things I’ve accepted. I wasn’t even aware that there were people like this in the world until I got Bambozled into to marrying one! The most important part is that you got away from this type of man.You have your freedom and even if it doesn’t feel like it you have to look at what you’ve gained even though you may keep thinking is what you lost. I’ve lost so many things over the years due to this toxic relationship. We were in a better position than I am right now be thankful and grateful that you got away. Three years is a long time but I’ve been in it 7! If you ever want to email me and we can talk about our stories together and maybe support each other let me know. I’m always a caring person and in ear if you want to talk. Take care! [email protected]

[SunnygalParticipant]

In her book The 5 Step Exit, Amber Ault has suggestions on how to lift your spirits and recover your mental health.

[SunnygalParticipant]

mirmom I hope you get the book.

[Author]

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