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I think that sadly society just does not care about personality disorders or abuse.
Education on these issues is very useful for the victims so they can understand what happened to them. But sadly outside the victims nobody else cares about these issues. Society is indifferent to personality disorders and abuse and no amount of education will change that.
Same in the court system. Courts do not care about personality disorders or abuse unless it is criminal physical abuse.
I think as victims we all hope that if we can explain personality disorders and abuse to others in society it will make a difference. But society just does not care. People will just think you went through a bad breakup and need some time to heal and move on. Only other victims appreciate the education because it helps us understand what we went through. But it has no importance or relevance to the rest of society unfortunately.
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I am sorry to read that you feel this way at this moment. I am going to challenge your generalizations here though that society in general does not care. Societies are made up of individuals with their own unique beliefs, experiences, motivations, concerns, and cares. While there may be prevailing general themes (ie, eating your offspring is wrong), that is not to say that there is a blanket specific group-think among all persons.
My guess is that the grievance here is your perception that, in general, the people you are upset about do not think the way that you specifically do. But consider for a moment, how could they? Even another abuse victim will not view the subject exactly as you do. Every individuals perceptions, beliefs, values, understandings are wholly unique to their experiences, pasts, interactions, educations, personalities, etc. Dismissing all because they can not comprehend the matter exactly as you do will not benefit you, them, or society. In fact, even your understanding has changed over time as shown in posts and bo doubt you’ve had many experiences shape your perception since your first post here.
I truly am empathetic that you are hurting and see this as a “me vs them” or “educated victims vs everyone else.” However, it is not an all or nothing matter. It’s okay if someone does not see the issue exactly as you do. Expanding knowledge about abuse, the results on victims, methods of control that are failing, etc., are still in the interest of many though it may bot align exactly with your beliefs. Educating and persuading are still possible by addressing it through different focuses, cost/benefits, value systems, etc. Indeed, if you look I trust you will find study, training, controls/responses, etc., in the subject are rapidly increasing. Perhaps not to the immediate relief we victims want, but progress nonetheless and we have an opportunity to contribute to that progress by participating. I try to educate, participate in studies, have done talks through our DV shelter directed towards incoming law enforcement cadets, etc. I’ve still come to realize that no one can possibly understand abuse the way that I do and I never will be truly understood. But, truthfully, that is true about every perception I have, even the thoughts that enter ny head at the word, “apple.” But, just because another person does bot conceptualize it exactly as I do, does not mean that they can not comprehend an apple. Please reconsider your view. You can help shape the understanding of others, even if they can not view it as you do.
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sept4 – I agree that in general people do not know enough about the aftermath of being involved with a sociopath – and most do not care. It is so much easier to blame the victim than try to understand how they became a victim. Until it happens to them. But I also believe that there is a ton of information, blogs, websites, podcasts and books out there for most people to at least get educated, and very little excuse not to. I, too, was fortunate that most of the people I knew fully supported me and understood my shell-shock and disbelief in how I ever became involved with such a person…but there were a few who made stupid, uneducated comments (How could you not have known? Why didn’t you leave right away?) I felt it was up to me to educate them. I sent many of them to this website. Others I referred to books – The Gift of Fear, Without Conscious, The Sociopath Next Door. I have spoken up to others who I felt might be involved with a disordered person, have told my story many times, have shared the great advice I gleaned from this site and others. It has not always gone well at first, but many have thanked me after they, too were discarded or abused. I believe it is up to us, the survivors, to educate the innocent and gullible. My Mom used to say “if you can’t be a good example, be a cautionary warning!”
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When I attended media training, the instructor, who was fabulous, explained that there are only two types of problems in the world: Problems you have, and problems you don’t have.
People who have been lucky enough to avoid entanglements with sociopaths really do have difficulty understanding how anyone can get into such a mess. I had no idea that it could happen to me.
I will say that since Lovefraud launched in 2005, there is much more awareness of the issue of sociopaths among us. So progress is being made. The more we talk about it, the more people will understand.
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