How to recognize and recover from the sociopaths – narcissists in your life › Forums › For adult children of sociopaths › Sociopath Mother, enabling Co-dependent Father
December 21, 2016 at 12:40 pm #39493Trac-1998Participant
I will try to keep my post short as theres so much I could write about.
I’ve tried desperately to get my sister to look at lovefraud, sent her links ect.. but as soon as she sees the word psychopath/ sociopath she over looks it as she still sees them as someone from a horror film.. a axe wielding murderer. Shes a broken woman and still works hard to gain our mothers approval and love. She made contact with our abandoning father after 20 years to have him walk her down the aisle but the bloke didn’t even pay for his own suit. After the divorce from our mother when we was young children he went from one sociopath to another and then married one, taking on her daughter who is horrendous. My dad is an enabling Co-dependent, as never had his own voice doesn’t speak up for what he wants or needs. His own mother was a narcissist and from his first job took every penny of wage packet for herself. He sees women as superior, where the father goes out to work and hands over the wage to the woman and end of each week. He came from a family of 11 brothers and sisters and none of the sisters work just his brothers. His partners have alienated him from his three daughters, never allowed us contact with him and he as never argued against either. He’s nearly 60 years old and he’s always worked and handed his wages over to the woman in his life. He’s pathetic but sadly he doesn’t know any other way to be other than a woman pleaser. His wife who he’s been married to 18 years, is uneducated and a borderline narcissist who had nothing until she met my dad. Since then she has maintained a luxury lifestyle for her and her daughters. (He has one with her) neither daughters work, both out of school dropouts who beared children with drug dealers. Both like their mother sponge off my dad.
My alcoholic sociopath Mother after divorcing my dad returned to her promiscuous ways and slept with numerous men until she got pregnant again then abandoned pregnant with twin boys. She tried took a overdose in an attempt to end the pregnancy but failed. When our brothers were born she just went off the rails, out drinking every night leaving me & my two sisters to care for her twin baby boys. She parentified my eldest sister who did the night feeds of our brothers from 11 years old while our mother laid unconscious drunk in bed. My sister eventually left home age 16 to escape the abuse. I was the scapegoat and put into a childrens home age 11 where contact with my family ceased. I have never had a mother or father and i had no idea how disordered my family and extended family are until i found love fraud. I don’t see my family and haven’t done for much of my life.
I accepted them for who and what they are and know they will never change.
My eldest sister has achieved well in her life, has a good job, a big house and lived upto my mothers expectations. But she is overweight, depressed and as become narcissistic herself. Her daughter had an eating disorder and was then diagnosed with multiple sclerosis age 14 now my sister is confined to a lifetime caring for her daughter who’s condition has deteriorated rapidly and spends alot of time in and out of hospital after 7 operations. Her daughter is now 17. My sister as cut me out of her life 10 years ago because i failed her by being involved in one psychopathic relationship after another. Its only recently i realised why i am a magnet to such people and have now remained single for the last two years. My sister doesn’t forgive me or have any desire to understand the suffering i went through. She sees me as a burden. I gave up trying to get her to see the dynamics of power and control in abusive relationships. She’s angry at me and the rest of the family but keeps me out for failing and not being as successful as she is. Success As in Materialistic and appearing strong to the world like she does. She still doesn’t get it. I’ve had therapy and I’m still in therapy. She has never had either. Shes battled cervical cancer 3 times, lost all her hair to alopecia and wears a wig. She hates me, blames me for just about everything. All the while maintains contact with our alcoholic mother who eventually married an alcoholic. My sister refuses to see what our mother is. I have searched the entire internet in an attempt to find some article which may get her attention, which might help her see where the problems started.
She speaks to me in email occasionally but every email is full of bitterness towards me. I have offered to be there, help with her daughter but In her eyes I’m just a failure. My mother doesn’t even acknowledge my existence and that suits me fine as grieved for the mother and father i never had years ago.
I feel helpless and lonely but i can’t change the way my family are.
March 8, 2022 at 1:52 pm #67426Healing_AprilParticipant
I hope you can find a way to detach with love- work on self-love, boundaries and your dreams for the future outside of the family. You can heal!!
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.