Split-personality sociopathic wife

This topic contains 1 reply, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  Donna Andersen 1 week, 4 days ago.

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  • #47425


    My wife is a survivor of terrible sexual, psychological and physical abuse over a number of years at the hands of her father when she was a child and then as young adolescent. She developed a coping mechanism whereby she has 2 distinctly different personalities that are very far removed from each other. She even looks and acts differently. I fell in love with one of her sides, but her other personality ticks almost every box in the sociopath checklist. I can see how the sociopath side developed to protect her at the time, but it makes married life very challenging. Luckily her sociopathic self seems to be appearing a bit less often now than before, but it still puts a huge emotional strain on the relationship. I have tried to talk to my wife about the fact that there are 2 distinct people living inside her body but she reacts very negatively to such an allegation and the conversation always gets shutdown abruptly at that point. So I don’t know how I can tell my wife about how her sociopath personality is affecting our relationship. I still love one of her personalities and want to stay married, even though there are many times where I just want to break free because I feel completely worn out dealing with the emotional roller-coaster of my complicated relationship. Or maybe I have this all wrong and the sociopath is both sides of her, and she has just been manipulating me all along?

  • #47429

    Donna Andersen

    Worn out – I am very sorry about your situation. It sounds very confusing.

    People who are sociopaths can appear to have split personalities. They use the nice, sweet, charming personality in the beginning of the relationship in order to seduce you. Once they view you as “hooked,” committed to the relationship, they become mean, exploitative and manipulative. Then, if they sense that you are pulling away, they switch back to the sweet personality. They can continue to go back and forth between two seemingly different people. In my book – “Red Flags of Love Fraud – 10 signs you’re dating a sociopath” – one of the red flags is the Jekyl and Hyde personality.

    The key to understand about this phenomenon is that the sweet personality is all an act. The mean personality is the true character.

    So, does your wife have a split personality, or is she a sociopath?

    Has your wife ever had any counseling? Did she get a diagnosis? If your wife refuses to go to counseling, I would take it as a warning sign that she is more of a sociopath than suffering from split personality. Someone who truly has split personality would be distressed by the condition and would want help with it. Sociopaths are not distressed by their disorder. Often they realize that they are different from regular people, but they view their difference as an advantage.

    Do you have any evidence that she was actually abused while young? I’ve heard of many sociopaths who make up stories of abuse in order to make people feel sorry for them. Of course it could have happened; many people suffer abuse. But has anyone else backed up her story – perhaps other family members? One of the traits of sociopaths is that they lie. If she’s a sociopath, she could be lying about the story.

    Regardless, this is not a marriage for you, it’s a project. Do you want to live the rest of your life the way you are now?

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