How to recognize and recover from the sociopaths – narcissists in your life › Forums › Discussion of female sociopaths › Split-personality sociopathic wife
November 2, 2018 at 6:14 am #47425wornoutParticipant
My wife is a survivor of terrible sexual, psychological and physical abuse over a number of years at the hands of her father when she was a child and then as young adolescent. She developed a coping mechanism whereby she has 2 distinctly different personalities that are very far removed from each other. She even looks and acts differently. I fell in love with one of her sides, but her other personality ticks almost every box in the sociopath checklist. I can see how the sociopath side developed to protect her at the time, but it makes married life very challenging. Luckily her sociopathic self seems to be appearing a bit less often now than before, but it still puts a huge emotional strain on the relationship. I have tried to talk to my wife about the fact that there are 2 distinct people living inside her body but she reacts very negatively to such an allegation and the conversation always gets shutdown abruptly at that point. So I don’t know how I can tell my wife about how her sociopath personality is affecting our relationship. I still love one of her personalities and want to stay married, even though there are many times where I just want to break free because I feel completely worn out dealing with the emotional roller-coaster of my complicated relationship. Or maybe I have this all wrong and the sociopath is both sides of her, and she has just been manipulating me all along?
November 3, 2018 at 6:41 am #47429Donna AndersenKeymaster
Worn out – I am very sorry about your situation. It sounds very confusing.
People who are sociopaths can appear to have split personalities. They use the nice, sweet, charming personality in the beginning of the relationship in order to seduce you. Once they view you as “hooked,” committed to the relationship, they become mean, exploitative and manipulative. Then, if they sense that you are pulling away, they switch back to the sweet personality. They can continue to go back and forth between two seemingly different people. In my book – “Red Flags of Love Fraud – 10 signs you’re dating a sociopath” – one of the red flags is the Jekyl and Hyde personality.
The key to understand about this phenomenon is that the sweet personality is all an act. The mean personality is the true character.
So, does your wife have a split personality, or is she a sociopath?
Has your wife ever had any counseling? Did she get a diagnosis? If your wife refuses to go to counseling, I would take it as a warning sign that she is more of a sociopath than suffering from split personality. Someone who truly has split personality would be distressed by the condition and would want help with it. Sociopaths are not distressed by their disorder. Often they realize that they are different from regular people, but they view their difference as an advantage.
Do you have any evidence that she was actually abused while young? I’ve heard of many sociopaths who make up stories of abuse in order to make people feel sorry for them. Of course it could have happened; many people suffer abuse. But has anyone else backed up her story – perhaps other family members? One of the traits of sociopaths is that they lie. If she’s a sociopath, she could be lying about the story.
Regardless, this is not a marriage for you, it’s a project. Do you want to live the rest of your life the way you are now?
January 19, 2019 at 1:22 pm #48547flowerchild1965Participant
@wornout…WHERE ARE YOU AND HOW ARE YOU? What Donna Anderson wrote you is 100% correct. I live with a male version of your wife. He had EXACTLY the same abuse as she did. I am planning my exit. All I want to tell you is this. You do what you want. When you get tired of the emotional roller coasters you will take action.
There are 3 things to realize. If she has No remorse, No empathy and No conscience then she is a sociopath. Realize that sociopaths will FEIGN those 3 things when they want to manipulate for some reason. But I am WARNING you that if she starts arguments and NEVER comes back to tell you that she is sorry, and takes ACTION to not let it happen again, you’re in big trouble.
Hope to hear back from you, but it seems like I never get any replies to things I post on here. Oh, well lol
January 11, 2019 at 3:35 pm #48379yellowsubmarineParticipant
What an incriminating answer to the question! I just can’t believe that a keymaster can answer such a cold, ignorant opinion about a woman who claims to have been abused as a child! I just can’t even type. “Splitting” is very normal in seriously abuse people. I heard my mother talking in a totally different voice twice under two different circumstances. It was either another personality or her “self” coming out from her narcissistic personality. One time she started “boxing” at age 85 to “even up our differences,” because she had stolen many items from my safe. My mother was grossly neglected as a child in South America. // A loving partner tries to solve problems, not throw away the companion of many years because he can’t put up with the other “her.” Making assumptions on line and diagnosis long distance is ridiculous. You two should go to therapy. If she doesn’t want to go to therapy you have the reason why: she is mentally-disordered, as we should call all psychopaths. I had to leave my mother in the journey to get better because my physical health was affected. But if you abandon a partner whom you suspect is “splitting,” you are making clear that you are with her for the good times only. Marriage is not supposed to be easy; separation should be the last resort, when you confirm that your wife is “Faking splitting and lying rape.” Too many people doubting female rape these days, that’s just what we need.
January 11, 2019 at 5:43 pm #48383slimoneParticipant
If your wife is a sociopath telling her this will do you no good. If she indeed has some terrible scars from her past that make her by turns sweet, then mean spirited, then seeking long term counseling is truly best for her.
No one can tell you if she is deeply wounded, or is actually a sociopath who is simply acting as anyone with a personality disorder would. It is too hard to tell.
Good luck on your journey. There is a lot of good reading here at Lovefraud that could help you try to understand sociopathy, and to assist you in identifying those kinds of behaviors associated with the disorder. This might be a good place to start.
January 11, 2019 at 9:40 pm #48386yellowsubmarineParticipant
This would be the first normal person faking psychopath. It’s usually a psychopath faking normal. Not believing a woman that has been sexually abused is CURRENTLY worse than abusing someone. This has been our history forever, but thanks to some courageous women, who actually are willing to face the Supreme Court of the United States of America, believing women who claim rape is the right thing to do. Shame on those who criticize women for decrying their disgracing by family or anybody. Karma exists.
March 5, 2019 at 2:06 am #49205Caroline CanningParticipant
It is a really difficult situation for a person to deal with a split-personality sociopath. Being with them really start affecting the person who is staying with them. It is a situation where no one can run away the only option is to suffer.
August 27, 2019 at 10:36 pm #53877polestarParticipant
Hi wornout –
There is some important information from a survivor of Multiple Personality Disorder, who had her mind split deliberately. She got rescued and healed. She has written some books that you can find on Amazon. Her name is Kathy O’Brien. The books are called ” Trance Formation of America “, ” Access Denied ” and “PTSD : a Time to Heal” ( the PTSD book has actual techniques that are not only for PTSD ). The person who rescued her was Mark Phillips – he knew the methods used to create the multiple personalities, so he could also use methods that could heal, which he did for her. I think that these books could give you extra information and insights that might be able to help with your situation.
August 27, 2019 at 10:48 pm #53878polestarParticipant
This is a note to flowerchild 1965,
I am sorry to hear that you have not had the experience of having your posts responded to. From what you mentioned on this topic, it sounds like you are going through a difficult situation and transition. If you would like to express and verbalize more about all of that, please start a new forum topic. Go to the home page and I think that is where you can find the place to write your story ( otherwise, just email Donna Anderson to ask how to write your story ). If you do initiate your own, I know that many participants will respond and give you support and encouragement.
April 21, 2020 at 7:31 am #56942marymcdadeParticipant
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