Split second flash gut feeling when first meeting sociopath

[sept4]

I first met my ex when we were introduced by a mutual acquaintance. He was sitting at the bar with his back turned toward me.

In the split second that he turned around upon the introduction, my immediate flash thought was “WHAT AN AS**OLE.” For really no rational reason at all as we just met that very second without even speaking or any interaction yet. He simply turned around. And my instinct flashed.

Unfortunately this happened so quickly and so irrationally (before even interacting at all) that I immediately either forgot it or pushed it down.

And within a few seconds later I was thinking wow he is so handsome, so charming, and within a few minutes he had already reeled me in with his good looks and charm and attention.

I didn’t remember that split second initial instinctive reaction until many years later during the divorce. I then remembered how it happened in a flash the very first moment I laid eyes on him. And how it was forgotten or suppressed within a moment as we started interacting.

But the warning flash was there. For a brief moment, like lighting. Before I was taken over by his looks and charm a mere moment later.

[Donna Andersen]

I’ve heard stories like that before. Our intuition knows. But we don’t know how to listen to our intuition.

[thesmiths]

I was married to my late ex-husband for 15 years. When he started talking to me, my first thought was what does this gay guy want with me? I brushed it off because he seemed very interested in me & very kind. I thought I had misread him.

Well, no, I hadn’t. I discovered 13 years into our marriage that he had been cheating on me with a string of men.

That’s not counting the sociopathic behavior which surfaced a year after our marriage.

I take my intuition very seriously now.

[nosp]

I wish my intuition had said a little more than “Something’s not right here with this guy”. Something a little more definite like ‘gay’ or ‘asshole’, not as vague as ‘not right’.

My intuitive side felt something, my rational side wanted reasons & explanations before bailing.

I got the reasons eventually, thank goodness this came to me at a distance this connection was all online & over the phone, not in person, thank goodness it came in a matter of weeks & months, not any longer.

The trickle truth really sucks, this was a near miss with being ‘the other woman’ & who knows what else. I cannot imagine being ANY of the women he has hurt, I cannot understand why they don’t either fight back or get away from him (the ones who have children with him, well all those kids are at least college-aged, there are some grandkids, but I think he only sees them at holidays where it would look bad to the outside world if he didn’t go see the kids/grandkids.

People need to stop worrying about keeping up appearances & ensure their own happiness.

[sept4]

Nosp I think women don’t fight back or get away from a sociopath because of fear and trauma bonding. Same as domestic violence victims that keep taking back their abuser.

In my case thankfully it was not physical but emotional abuse and my ex left me so that blessing was made for me. But I did not stand up to his threats and manipulation and intimidation in the divorce out of fear.

At least I did have the strength to stay away from him and get him completely out of my life. I do understand when women are not strong enough for that though. Because a trauma bond is very powerful.

[Author]

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