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Struggling to handle it all

This topic contains 11 replies, has 6 voices, and was last updated by  MartensiteHeart 2 months ago.

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  • #42482

    needhimoutofmyhead
    Participant

    I was with a sociopath for a year and a half. I loved him with everything I had to give. I started seeing signs and warnings from his behavior, but I ignored them. He’s a pilot, and he had me convinced I was the one. The only one. I’m shortening this as much as possible. But I started putting the pieces of his lies together, and he would get incredibly angry. He blamed me for everything. After 4 months of him telling me I was “crazy,” “what the F is wrong with you,” etc…I caught him F’ing with his MAID. I am an educated person. I promise I’m not stupid. But my mind continued to fall for his lies even when I was putting the pieces together. I have figured out 4 other women, so who knows how bbbmany others.

    This was 3 months ago, and I’m still struggling. I dont understand how he lied about so much. How everything he said about me, him, our future and our plans were a lie. I’ve lost my friends through this. I’m withdrawn. I’ve been very alone. I have no one to talk to. I’m very sad. I still think of him and I even dream of him every night. I just need him out of my head.

  • #42483

    Donna Andersen
    Keymaster

    needhimoutofmyhead – I am so sorry for your experience. First of all, everything you describe about him is typical of a sociopath, especially telling you that you are crazy.

    Secondly, everything you describe about your reactions are typical of someone who has been betrayed by a sociopath. This was a profound betrayal, and it’s going to take some time to recover. It sounds like you’re in the obsession stage – constantly thinking about him. And no, unless your friends have had a similar experience, they’re not going to understand it.

    I recommend you keep reading Lovefraud – it will help you to understand what he is and what happened. We have more than 3,000 articles – plenty of info. Our webinars may also be helpful.

    Give yourself time. You can get past this, but there is healing to do first.

  • #42484

    viva
    Participant

    Yes, as Donna says, give yourself time. And, also, give yourself credit for putting the pieces together as soon as you did. All good wishes to you as you continue your healing journey.

  • #42491

    needhimoutofmyhead
    Participant

    Thank you. There’s just so so much involved. He popped back up 6 weeks ago and was crying – apologizing – can’t believe he lost me, he’s so “f’d” up, sorry… blah blah blah. And I started falling his beautiful smile and sparkling eyes again. This spark of life and excitement. Almost believing him. Wanting what we had. Then Hurricane Harvey happened. His house flooded and he completely tossed me aside. Again. Like I’m trash. Last time we talked, he blamed me. Said all my questioning and doubting of him led him to her. He said my reaction was “unacceptable” (I had a cup of water in my hand and I threw it in his face and yelled at him). So, now, again, I’m tossed aside. I know he’s pathetic. I know he’s broken. So now I feel pathetic bc I think of him. And he enters my dreams. I just want to erase him. I want to stop all the swirling thoughts in my head. Ive wanted to post on here before, but never did. I actually feel better just putting it out here instead of it just inside my brain.

  • #42492

    Jan7
    Participant

    Hi needhimoutofmyhead,

    HUGS to YOU!! 💜We have all been exactly where you are right now emotionally. When you finally escape a sociopath’s grips your emotions start to percolate up all at once & it’s AWEFUL to say the least.

    I’m so glad that you had the courage to research & once finding this wonderful site, had the courage to write a post! BRAVO to you!! This is a huge step in healing!!

    What this manipulative sociopath is doing to you is called “idolize, devalue, discard” (do a search here at love fraud up at the top right corner with this phrase).

    It’s an emotionally rollercoaster with these evil people every second of the day. Once second they are nice then the next they are angry or mad & you have zero clue what changes. SO you start changing to please the sociopath. The National domestic abuse centers call it“Power & Control Domestic abuse wheel” (look this up on the net).

    Sociopaths use this form of manipulation to control their target victim. It’s all used to make us feel like we have done something wrong to be treated this way. Its to shatter our self esteem.

    I will tell you straight out YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG TO BE TREATED THIS WAY!!!! (read that again!!)

    He is a sick & twisted individual & he is intentionally manipulating you every second of the day!!

    He is doing this to control you!!

    He is doing this to have power over you!!

    He is doing this because he finds it fun!!

    This is what he does to ALL his victims. He wants to break your spirit to have control & power over you! Why? then he can make you do what ever he wants = take your money, for sex, for a place to live etc etc.

    I know right now it does not feel this way, but the best thing this guy ever did for you was to discard you. Read that again; the best thing this guy ever did for you was to discard you.

    WHY??

    BECAUSE YOU ARE FREE HON, YOU ARE FREE FROM ALL HIS MIND GAMES THAT HE HAS INTENTIONALLY BEEN USING ON YOU SINCE DAY ONE!!!

    Like Donna state above READ READ READ everything here to understand this evil manipulative sociopath that was in your life. Everything you read something new related it to your relationship with him. This will open up your mind to see the full truth of him = he is pure evil = HE WILL NEVER CHANGE = EVER!!!!

    This evil man has formed in addiction in you to make you think about him. This is that endless tape that keeps playing over & over in your mind. You have to break this addiction. It’s not easy. But with time & educating yourself you will move back toward a better version of your old self.

    It does not happen over night (sadly). Feel your feelings. Let them out. I sobbed & sobbed & sobbed endlessly when I finally escaped my ex h (after 12 years). When I stopped crying, guess what? I started sobbing again. So crazy how the body knows how to heal it’s self.

    My ex entered my dreams too!! I too “wanted to erase him”. In time you will not think about him, I promise you. You just have to work thru all of your emotions that you were not able to release during your relationship with him. It’s scary to feel all the emotions. but let them out,dont stuff them down.

    Donna Anderson (lovefruad) has written articles on this so do a search on this too.

    You will go thru all the grieving stages just like a death in your family. So research this too on the net “Grieving stages” so you understand what your body is going thru.

    Also look into “adrenal fatigue”. Our adrenal glands regulate our blood pressure, blood sugar, cortisol & adrenaline levels and over 50 hormones. THEY ARE A BIG DEAL. With continual stress suck as a toxic relationship the adrenal glands become fatigue which results in our glands not being able to regulate the above list. This in turn wreaks havoc on our body & minds.

    Some Symptoms of adrenal fatigue:

    racing mind
    brain fog
    anxiety
    depression
    mood swings
    sleep issues
    not being able to handle stress
    (see full list of symptoms).

    Look at sites like Dr Lam. com & Adrenal fatigue. org for full symptoms list. I believe this is the missing link to healing from a toxic relationship. Look into an Endocrinologist doctor to test you. I have zero affiliation to these sites other then my doctor giving me adrenal vitamins from Dr Wilsons site & then I did my research.

    Keep venting here it really does help to clear your mind. I did the same & so has everyone. Or you can simply write them down on a piece of paper too.

    Other things to search here at love fraud:

    Gas lighting abuse
    no contact rule
    sociopath triangulation
    sociopath smear campaign

    HUGS TO YOU!! 💜So glad you posted here.

    Wishing you all the best!

    Take care.

    • This reply was modified 2 months, 1 week ago by  Jan7.
    • #42532

      followyourgut
      Participant

      Be strong. We all got this. the biggest and strongest battle is with our mind. They do not deserve to be there rent free.

  • #42493

    Jan7
    Participant

    PS:

    YOU ARE NOT CRAZY!!!

    They all say this to their target victims = power & control over their victims!! My ex h did the same. It’s just another RED FLAG that you are dealing with a sociopath!!

    • #42531

      followyourgut
      Participant

      Jan7 I just have to say THANK YOU, after reading your post and done all the research you suggested, I feel powerful and ready to fight this sick battle mostly with my mind. THANK YOU you have no idea how much i have learned this past days.

  • #42502

    viva
    Participant

    It is hard, isn’t it, to pull away when they are trying to pull you back in? And, when they show emotion, those tears, it can have your heart reaching back out so as to make it all better for them. But…

    When your average person cries with the pain of a broken relationship it is because they feel bereft of that person whose presence they love – when a sociopath cries it is because they are suddenly cut off from that which they are using to satisfy a need. The difference is that the first might love You but the second loves It.

  • #42536

    Donna Andersen
    Keymaster

    In my opinion, the tears are usually fake. Sociopaths turn them on for the expressed purpose of reeling you back in.

  • #42553

    MartensiteHeart
    Participant

    Hello needhimoutofmyhead,
    Is your sociopath a former military pilot in the st pete FL area? I don’t know if we’re allowed to disclose names but i suspect i may be going through the same thing with the same sociopath…or i should say i was, until he disappeared last Feb/Mar to pursue someone i now know has been in his life all along… He’s a two timer (or 3 timer, or 4…)

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