Surviving the holidays

[emilie18]

This is the Holiday season – a time for family, for sharing, for love. A time of emotion and caring and giving. A time for your heart to expand and open up to others. Unless you are with a sociopath. For them, the holiday season is their favorite time to manipulate, to hurt, to dig the knife a little deeper, to set you up and bring you down.

Has this happened to you?
–They demand you make the “perfect meal” for the family, then complain, or pout, or make a scene and leave because you “forgot their favorite”.
–They set limits on how much you can spend on gifts, but then show up with costly, extravagant presents.
–They pick a fight on the way over to your family’s house – or a party – or church – just so you arrive upset and unsettled and nervous.
–They take you to a party or a nightclub or event and spend all their time with someone else.
–They make you the reason why things don’t quite work out and then humiliate you in front of everyone.

Yep – this is their perfect time of year. So many ways to manipulate. So many ways to make you the victim. So many ways…..

So how can you protect yourself?
–Be aware it is going to happen.
–List all the ways they will try to get under your skin and be ready for the inevitable hurt.
–Enlist the help of a trusted family member, if possible, to defuse and deflate.
–Don’t react.

So – how do you get through this season if you still have this person in your life – even if just in the periphery? How HAVE you gotten through??

[Donna Andersen]

Emilie18 – All so true. Sociopaths specialize in ruining the holidays. In fact, I wrote about my experience in the following article:

“Three miserable Christmases with the sociopath, and how to heal from the memories.”

Three miserable Christmases with the sociopath, and how to heal from the memories

[emilie18]

Donna – wow – what a piece of work he was! I empathize with the misery around holidays, birthdays – any event that isn’t about the ‘spath. My first Christmas after meeting him was when he was still love-bombing me and he had convinced me his living situation was untenable and he had to move in “temporarily”. I had known him 3 months. He bought me a necklace and earrings. The second one I bought him a very expensive Carhart work jacket and boots and he got me – socks! I had a knee surgery just after Christmas and he reluctantly picked me up from the hospital, took me home, then immediately picked a fight and left and went radio-silent. I had to beg for rides to therapy from friends. For my birthday he bought me a gun – and one for himself – which he could not pay for or register because he still had an out-of-state license – so I paid for both. I went to Cabo with my sister and came back to discover he had spent the 10 days with his 27 year old girlfriend (he was 59) a few towns over. I had to take a taxi home from the airport because he never showed up and wasn’t answering his phone. By then he had spent around $10,000 of my money on things for himself, saying they were for us or for his woodworking business (which never was) — a small tractor and trailer, a used fifth wheel, tons of shop tools, new bed and furniture (he said mine “hurt his back”) and a huge TV as he “was going blind and needed the bigger screen”. When I confronted him about the other woman, at first he denied it, calling me crazy (I had the phone proof and eyewitnesses!), then he threatened suicide, then he begged for a “new start”. Two weeks later he moved “our” RV to the town where she lived (saying it was the only RV park that had space!) and by Thanksgiving had moved in there. When I emailed him asking for the money for the RV (I had maxed out my home equity loan), he showed up at my house while I was at work and cleaned out the garage of all the woodworking machinery, all my tools, the tractor and trailer, and probably would have taken the furniture if I hadn’t changed the house locks (he still had an old garage door opener I had forgotten about). When I demanded payment for all he took, he threatened me (he had his – my – gun!) and told me he was suing me! When I went looking for him at the trailer park, he – and my RV – were gone. That was the final Christmas. Looking back, I can’t remember a single holiday we were together that didn’t involve my ending up feeling bad. So yes – holidays are a sociopath’s favorite time of the year. All those lovely expectations to shatter! All that feel-goodness to destroy! All the opportunities to make your partner feel guilty, miserable, angry, confused! SO glad that is no longer a part of my life.

[brookhanry]

The holiday season can be both joyful and overwhelming, with added responsibilities, family dynamics, and financial pressures. To survive the holidays, it’s important to prioritize self-care, set realistic expectations, and create a budget to manage expenses. For students balancing academics during this busy time, such as those working on NURS FPX 4900 projects, time management becomes even more critical. By planning ahead and carving out dedicated time for studies, they can maintain focus while enjoying holiday traditions. Remember, the key is finding balance and embracing the season’s moments without sacrificing your well-being or goals.

[sept4]

Oh yeah they LOVE picking fights or creating a crisis to ruin the holidays.

My only advice is to end the relationship and end contact. If there are legal or financial ties go to court. If there are threats or physical abuse or criminal activity go to police. Getting out is the only way to have peace from these demons and locusts. So that next year your holidays can be happy and peaceful.

[Author]

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