This topic contains 4 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  Donna Andersen 11 months ago.

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  • #45592


    My bf and I started therapy a year ago. It was only about a year and a half ago that I started to realize what I was dealing with. We had finally found a therapist he agreed to go back to after trying 5 and only going once or twice. After 6 or so sessions the therapist told us he could no longer see us as a couple because he could not help us, but that he could still see us separately. We both continued to go. Me on my own, him with persuasion from me. When I am in therapy my therapist tells me the things he does to me is sociopathic behavior, he says he knows my partner as a different person though and that he cannot discuss that with me. When he is in therapy the therapist tells him he is not a sociopath. Now he wants me to go to a therapy session with him so the therapist can tell me he’s not a sociopath. He went to therapy yesterday and told the therapist that my Mother had passed, he also told the therapist that we had argued while I was going to visit her. But he left out all of the horrible things he said to me that caused the arguments. He also left out going to visit my Mother who he never had a relationship with (without me). When I asked why he had left those things out, he said that he had forgotten about it. I told him I highly doubt that he forgot and that I think it’s more of him not wanting others to see the mentally abusive way he treats me. That led to a narcissistic rage fest where he cursed me, I told him to stop cursing me and he asked me “what the f*** is going to happen if I don’t.” Long story “kind of” short, I am upset, I’m upset that the therapist has been swayed by him. I feel so alone, I feel like I am the only one who sees his abuse because he only does it at home and he seems so nice and compassionate in public. He will try to help me, assist me, (and because of how he treats me at home I don’t want his help so I look like an ungrateful gf) I don’t know this man he is in public because this man is not real. He seems to quiet and vulnerable in public and I am more outspoken. I feel like I should stop the single therapy now that he has the therapist convinced. I don’t know what to do. I feel like part of the biggest lie, no one sees what he is except my immediate family and his children. There’s no way to out him because his public persona is so different, and the therapist is convinced. I feel lost.

  • #45603


    Monkey, you don’t know that your partner “has the therapist convinced.” Your partner is very likely lying to you about what the therapist is telling him anyway. After all, he lies to the therapist. By not telling the therapist half of what goes into your arguments, he’s lying by omission. He’s probably lying to you too about what goes on in his sessions.

    In fact the therapist is in a difficult position because, as he says, for reasons of confidentiality he can’t tell you what really goes on in his sessions with your partner. And I’m not sure it’s professionally wise for him to be placing himself in that position. But that’s by the way. It’s inevitable that he’d be seeing your partner as a “different person” given that your partner is no doubt putting on a fake persona. Whether or not he does have the therapist “convinced” is quite another question. And regardless of what your partner wants to happen, it doesn’t sound as though the therapist is willing to see you together again. Certainly not to tell you your partner is all right and you’ve got him all wrong!

    Anyway your task is not to persuade the therapist to write your partner off as a bad guy, but to get as much help and validation for yourself out of therapy as you can. If you feel the therapist is disbelieving your account of what goes on between you and your partner, then that’s a problem and you’d be best advised to find another therapist. But that’s not what I’m hearing, when the therapist is telling you the things you describe are indeed sociopathic behavior. As long as you feel the sessions are helping you personally, that’s the main concern.

  • #45608

    Donna Andersen

    Do not go to therapy with a sociopath. Therapy will do no good for him, sociopaths do not have the capacity to change. In fact, it may make him worse because he learns new tricks and new psychobabble.

    Please work on your escape plan. The rage that you saw is the real him.

  • #45653


    I went to my therapy on Wednesday. My therapist is anti-labeling. He said he has been in the practice for 46 years and he does not label anyone.

    I am working on the escape plan. I feel so weak minded right now and wish I could get my old strength back. I am in contract negotiations with my job that has me so fearful also because they are limiting the amount of time that I can have my business open inside out their business. The logical thing to do would be to move to another location but even that takes money. Every ounce of my life feels in limbo right now and I am losing friends and family because I am constantly depressed and upset. I’m starting to wonder if the problem isnt me all along. I have never felt so miserable.

  • #45654

    Donna Andersen

    Beautifulmonkey – your therapist is not being helpful. His response is typical of therapists who are clueless about sociopaths. He is probably doing you more harm than good and you should probably stop seeing him.

    There is nothing wrong with you – except that you have a controlling partner. Your reactions are normal for your circumstances. Please continue developing your escape plan.

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