Was I in an abusive relationship?

[moni1609]

I still don’t know what happened and if it was just a bad relationship. I am seeing a therapist and she says that he was an abuser and possibly a psychopath but I am having a hard time believing it.
At first my ex boyfriend was the nicest person that I have ever met, he gave me a lot of attention and love, expensive gifts and holidays but then he started to being too controlling, questioning my clothes, checking my phone, mi notifications, accusing me of cheating without any reason. He got angry every time I went out with friends or family. He gave me the silent treatment a lot of times and said ugly things to me like “crazy” “you don’t have self esteem” “immature” and other hurtful things. Once he took me to a trip and then told me “i wish that i have spent the money in something else instead of bringing you”. He was cruel and cold and then he was sweet and kind.
He lied about everything but if i ever lied about something he would punish me with silence or threaten me with breaking the relationship, he also was indifferent to my pain or tears.
He never hit me but since the relationship ended I feel confused and don’t really know what happened.

[Jan7]

Hi Moni1609, one of the biggest signs you are dealing with or dealt with a sociopath or psychopaths is confusion about the relationship. The fact you mention the words “I feel confused” is a RED FLAG that YES, you were dealing with a sociopath.

When I finally escaped my ex husband (then husband) I drove 3000 miles away out of fear for my life without him knowing. I was lucky enough to have a friend recommend a counselor as I was a mess from just leaving him.

When I sat on the counselors couch the first day I said “I’m confused, I dont know if I was at fault for the marriage failing, or him or both”, Thank goodness my counselor was very astute with sociopathic abuse. Within 20 minutes of asking me questions, she told me I was married to a psychopath!!

I had no idea what that really meant other then the fact I had my answer to the 12 years of hell and that was all I needed to end my marriage for good and kick the a$$ out of my life for good. She gave me a book on psychopath and relationships and I literally sobbed reading each page as it explained in great details with clinical words the hell I had just escaped.

I too had a hard time believe I was married to a psychopath. Why? because in my mind psychopaths were killers. But what I have learned now is psychopaths & sociopaths blend into society and are in all walks of life.

In the book The sociopath next door by Harvard Professor Dr Marta Stout she explains that experts believe that we all have a sociopath in our life whether a friend, family member or co worker without even knowing it. She also stated that we meet a sociopath EVERYDAY!! without even realizing it because they blend in to sociopath so well. They literally mimic good people (pretend) but behind closed doors their mask slip for us to see the really person = a crazy deranged person.

BELIEVE YOUR COUNSELOR!!!!!

She/he is telling you the truth that you were in a relationship with a psychopath.

Sociopaths & psychopaths literally brain wash & mind control their target victims…this is the biggest reason why you are having a hard time believing that he is a psychopath.

By educating yourself, your mind will open up to the truth about him.

I would recommend that you look up the terms below here on Lovefruad (search right upper counter) and also on the net:

gas lighting abuse
sociopath smear campaign
sociopath triangulation
sociopath no contact rule

In addition Donna has posted incredible educational videos for free up at the top under the “Video” tab. WATCH THOSE OVER & OVER TO OPEN UP YOUR MIND FROM HIS BRAIN WASHING. Click on page 7 of the videos to watch Donna’s “Lovefruad lessons”.

Also buy Donna’s book Lovefraud 10 signs you are dating a sociopaths. This will be a good reference for the future while dating but now most importantly to piece everything to gather.

Look at the site:

Psychopathyawareness. wordpress. org

(good articles on there to read)

The more you read & analysis to your relationship with the psychopath the more you will open your mind up.

Thank your lucky stars that your counselor told you exactly who this guy is, as not all counselors are educated on how to spot a vicim of psychopathic abuse. Keep going to counseling.

Keep venting here at Lovefraud, asking questions & reading…it really does help to heal.

Lastly, pat yourself on the back for having the courage to post here!! This is a huge step. Not an easy step to open up to others but it is a great healing step & most importantly a safe place for you to heal.

Sending you huge hugs hon!!! ?????

keep a journal with all the things that he did to you physically, emotionally, mentally & verbally. The more you write down the more you will see that YES, he is a psychopath.

Take care. ?

[Redwald]

moni, the short answer is “yes, you were!” Mind you, he may have been a borderline rather than a psychopath. I’m reading “exaggerated, paranoid fear of abandonment” into his extremely controlling behavior. Also borderlines do swing unaccountably from one polar extreme to another, loving you at one moment, hating you the next. And all those unfounded accusations of “lacking self esteem,” being “immature,” “crazy” and the rest of it sound like pure projection to me. He was imagining traits in you that in reality applied to himself!

Even if he wasn’t a psychopath, borderlines can be very nasty too, just as confusing to deal with in a relationship, and sometimes lethally dangerous. I’m very sorry this happened to you, but whatever he was, you’re well rid of this guy!

[Jan7]

Donna, can you repost your interview with Mary Ann Glenn were she discusses “confusion” about the relationship with a sociopath?? Thank you.

[Donna Andersen]

moni1609 – what you are describing is classic sociopathic abuse, and it could be the precursor to violence. I hope you are out of the relationship. Do not ever go back to him.

[Donna Andersen]

Here’s Mary Ann Glynn talking about confusion as a warning sign.

https://lovefraud.com/confusion-the-top-warning-sign-of-an-abusive-relationship/

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