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What just happened?

This topic contains 2 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  slimone 1 month, 1 week ago.

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  • #47754
  • #47757

    Donna Andersen
    Keymaster

    Sarg – There’s nothing wrong with you. It’s him. The guy is a sociopath who is toying with you. He is gaslighting, blame shifting, accusing, cheating – all of the typical sociopath behaviors.

    As an empath, you sense what is going on. You sense that he is cheating, even though he denies it. So you know the truth of his behavior.

    But these relationships are highly addictive. That’s why you feel like you must be in touch with him – it’s the addiction. We have lots of information about this on Lovefraud and in my webinars.

    You need to treat this like an addiction. That means you should go No Contact with him – and remain No Contact. The longer you stay away from him, the better you will feel.

    Please understand that he never loved you and he will never change. You need to free yourself from him.

  • #47758

    slimone
    Participant

    Sarg..Donna is right. You are not the problem, not at all.

    The problem is you got entangled in a relationship with a disordered human being. Someone who is hardwired to use and abuse other people, and then blame the victim for everything that happens. They are experts at manipulation, lying, blaming, and pretending. This is how their brains work.

    This is what all of us here at Lovefraud have experienced, so we TOTALLY get it.

    It is normal, at this phase, for you to feel like you might be the problem. And, he has certainly tried to brainwash you into feeling it is all your fault. BUT IT IS NOT. This feeling is all created by his manipulations and ‘projection’.

    Projection is a deeply embedded defense mechanism that protects the person from awareness of their own flaws and actions. People with personality disorders have IRON STRONG defense mechanisms that protect them from personal awareness of ALL of their negative behaviors. These mechanisms CANNOT be overcome or fixed by love, care, understanding, medications, or therapy. They are PERMANENT.

    Projection means the abuser accuses the abused of doing all the things that the abuser is doing. It means they accuse us of all the crappy things they have done, and all the horrible feelings they have. They simply will not take the responsibility for ANYTHING, EVER.

    If they pretend to take responsibility, they will then turn around, and do something even worse…to ‘even the score’. EVERYTHING is to make sure they are at an advantage, and have the upper hand. AND, if we get all worked up, emotional, and confused, then they get a big hit of energy off of us. This is what they love, to manipulate and get all that energy from us. It is the only real way they can ‘feel’ much of anything.

    Please stay with us and learn. This is a super safe place to understand what is happening.

    Hugs, Slim

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