How to recognize and recover from the sociopaths in your life › Forums › Lovefraud Community Forum – General › What should I do?
April 19, 2017 at 11:32 pm #39558
Hi. I am a divorcee and my son is living with my ex-husband. I am in a new relationship but I think my decision was not very correct. I should have given myself some time after the divorce. My new boyfriend came to my life soon after our divorce. Now when I look back, I think he took advantage of my situation. All he wants from me is only sex, sex and only sex. He doesn’t have enough time to spend with me. I am deprived of his love and care. Now he is insisting me to undergo a breast augmentation procedure from a clinic in Mississauga. He is not satisfied with my physical appearance. He wants me to enhance my body shape. I don’t want to go under the knife. But I am scared to tell him that I don’t want to undergo this procedure. What if he leaves me? I cannot stand another separation. What should I do?
April 20, 2017 at 12:00 am #40467
Loplaus36, you should not advertise for this company on Lovefraud. so it’s best to delete that portion of your post.
As for the rest of your post…you should NEVER change your body to please someone else.
There are many RED FLAGS with your post.
1. “All he wants from me is sex, sex and only sex. This is what sociopaths only want other then power & control over someone.
2. Pushing you to get breast implants is dangerous. Your gut is going off telling you so. Listen to your gut alarm!!. And what most women dont realize with implants is that you must change out your breast implants after so many years. So it’s not just one surgery you are looking at. It’s many surgeries during your life.
YOUR BODY IS FINE THE WAY IT IS!!! Dont let anyone else tell you otherwise. Especially this guy who appears to be using you.
I would highly recommend that you contact your local abuse center and go for free counseling so you can learn what emotional & mental abuse are and how to exit this relationship safely. In the USA 800-799-SAFE is the National domestic violence hotline & they can give you local numbers in the USA. IF not in the USA then just google the words “National domestic violence hotline” with your countries name.
A man that only wants sex from you it not worth your time. There are 7 billion people on this planet. Half are male and half of them are in your age group. So why are you settling for this guy??
Do you know you deserve better?
You must weed out the bad guys from the good. If you have a bad guy throw him back in the see and find a nice guy who wants a loving, kind respectful NORMAL relationship.
This guy will never give you or any other woman that kind of relationship.
Do you know if he is married?
Or has many woman on the side?
This is dangerous with STD’s etc. So be careful.
Steven Hassan of Freedom of mind resource center and book author of Freedom of mind states that anyone and everyone can get sucked up into a cult or domestic abusive relationship especially if they have just had a life change such as a divorce, breakup, death in the family, moved to a new city etc. So it is not surprising that you were targeted by this guy just after you divorced.
The fact that you just were divorced when this guy manipulated you into a relationship is a RED FLAG. Your gut is telling you that he took advantage of you. And now you feel stuck in this relationship because you are afraid to be alone.
But I can promise you this…with time you will be happier alone then with this guy who is taking advantage of you.
Ask this question instead:
What if you leave him?
What would you want your life to look like without him in it?
April 20, 2017 at 12:16 am #40468
Very sorry to hear of your situation. You wrote, “What if he leaves me? I cannot stand another separation.” It’s gonna be tough — but you must save yourself from this guy. Is he living with you? Does he have access to your computer or any other electronic devices that would give him information such as your posts here? Some on this site will advise you on how to protect and hide this information from him. You say, yourself, that you “think (your) decision was not very correct.” I know you are scared. I was scared — probably everyone at this forum has experienced much of what you are experiencing. Unfortunately, I’ve experienced that in the first relationship after a divorce. It was harder than the divorce. BUT that said, when a guy is messin’ with your appearance — what you should wear, how to wear your hair — and now THIS — “cosmetic” surgery, just for him?! No way. It’ll be real tough, BUT there are good men out there. There are ways to find them, places where you’ll be safe, or as safe as possible. But don’t rush into anything this time. Some things you might want to do are, first of wall, do NOT do cosmetic surgery! It’s you, it’s your body, it belongs to YOU ONLY, and the only cosmetic surgery people get is because THEY want it — not because someone else wants them to have it. I suggest you get rid of this guy asap. No time to love and care for you, but your are his sex object AND he wants you to cut yourself????!!! There are abuse support groups, women’s crisis centers. Call the women’s crisis center NOW. Get yourself some support and help to get out.
Call 24/7 FREE — Call RIGHT NOW! 1-800-799-7233 IT’S FREE. They also have Chat.
You are real scared and upset. Get some support. The National Domestic Violence Hotline — notice they give support for questioning unhealthy aspects of their relationship — not just violence, but this guy is being emotionally abusive with you. I think pressuring you to get surgery is emotional violence.
“Our highly-trained advocates are available 24/7 to talk confidentially with anyone experiencing domestic violence, seeking resources or information, or questioning unhealthy aspects of their relationship.”
April 28, 2017 at 7:55 pm #40604
I am so sorry for what you are going through, but please take the advice above. I know all too well what it feels like to not want another separation from the man who claims to love you, but trust your gut. I did not and now I am stuck with things in my life that I could have avoided if I’d only listened to my gut. I know it will be painful, it is for me as I just cut off all contact a few weeks ago, but trust me, you have to do this for yourself. You deserve better. The man I was with had me gain weight for him, buy certain outfits, get a tattoo, and much more. I can tell you from experience that it is not worth altering who you are for someone who will never be satisfied no matter how hard you try to please them. You deserve better, and you deserve to feel safe and loved for exactly who you are! You can do this! Talk to someone, and get away from him as fast as you can. But first, get help and know that you have support here.
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