How to recognize and recover from the sociopaths – narcissists in your life › Forums › Lovefraud Community Forum – General › What’s with the eyes?
April 20, 2021 at 5:53 pm #65712laylabelleParticipant
I saw in the beginning that stare, the one I came to know when he was pleased to see me, excited, pupils fully dilated. I also saw it when his new interest came anywhere near us, it was one of the things I began watching, a lot, but one other thing I’ve seen is the colour of the iris in his eyes. They would go from the brightest blue, to a darker Hazel colour,depending on his mood, and sometimes they would glaze over.
He had a thing about my eyes too and would always remove my sunglasses so that he could ‘see them better’. I think now that maybe he was looking for and mirroring my own, like he was watching them to gauge my true feelings. On the very few times I saw him angry his eyes looked like they were about to bulge out of his head. I have often looked at photographs and seen those emotions captured and when I look closely can even see that smirk on some of them when he wasn’t posing but natural.
Anyone else notice this?
April 20, 2021 at 8:50 pm #65713
Yes I think it is called the predatory stare. It is a fixation by the predator on his prey. Same like a lion staring at a zebra before the attack.
A naive trusting normal loving person will naturally interpret that stare as “love” or attraction or infatuation. It feels like a genuine and deep connection to have someone stare at your soul like that.
But it is actually predatory. It is not an emotional connection but a predator seizing you up as prey and planning his attack.
April 21, 2021 at 2:25 am #65714laylabelleParticipant
Yes it was there right from the beginning. I remember a male coworker being in our group one day who warned me to ‘be careful’. I asked what he meant and he said ‘its all in the eyes’.
He was trying to warn me he’d seen it but I didn’t know what he meant.
April 21, 2021 at 3:25 pm #65715Jan7Participant
Hi Laylabelle, YES…my ex too would want to see my eyes. At the end, when I was planning my excape I refused to look at him…he went into a rage. I did not know why my gut instinct told me not to look at his eyes, until I escaped and found Lovefraud.
Donna has written about this here on Lovefraud..so do a search up at the top for “predatory stare” (like Sept 4 mentions in her post).
Also do a search for: Sociopath hypnosis & trance (on net & LF)…YES, THESE CRAZY PEOPLE DO THIS!! without others realizing they are going under their evil spell of trance & Hypnosis.
Suck a crazy world…yes…your co worker was correct…IT IS ALL IN THE EYES!
look up also DOnna’s book review of The Gift of Fear by Gavin Debecker (your library may have this book)
google: Oprah Gavin Debecker you tube (watch their interview on listening to your gut intincts the second you meet someone). The eyes are the window to the soul (mind) so you are reading who the person is by looking at their eyes.
April 22, 2021 at 4:02 am #65716RedwaldParticipant
One infamous predator, a criminal all his life, was first sent to a reformatory at the age of nine. After going to prison a couple of times in his twenties for theft and receiving stolen goods, he spent the rest of his life living off women. First he married, under a false name, a woman whom he induced to steal for him. When she escaped his clutches, he turned to seducing women and absconding with their money and property. He finished his career as a full-fledged serial killer, murdering three women for financial gain. About his physical attractions, he was said to have “a certain magnetism about his eyes.” A woman writer in a popular morning paper had told of the “irresistible feline luminosity in the eyes” of the sexually attractive man. and this particular man’s first bigamously married bride said “He had an extraordinary power over women. This power lay in his eyes. When he looked at you for a minute or two you had the feeling that you were being magnetized. They were little eyes that seemed to rob you of your will.”
May 4, 2021 at 5:06 pm #65778regretfullymineParticipant
I learned mostly the hard way, that I was in DEEP trouble with him, by looking into his eyes. When he was being warm, friendly, human…he has brown eyes you could melt into..at least I did. But, when he was angry..or worse rapidly enraged..his eyes narrowed into slits, and I swear they changed color, from warm deep brown to COLD flinty gray..without a word..the yelling, cursing bellow would soon follow..or if his rage went beyond..the COLD silence that meant my life was in danger. I came to fear the cold stony silence far worse than the angry yelling. The yelling would end much sooner than the stony stares. I never knew the cold stony side of him until we were involved..married. He kept that under wraps before then. If I saw any temper displays, I made excuses,passed it off as a bad day, or someone else’s fault. BIG big mistake!!!..ALWAYS check their eyes..and NEVER let a temper display be excused!. Even against others. Sooner or later, it will be at YOU. The eyes are a direct insight into their psychopath personality. Be warned!!
May 5, 2021 at 10:39 am #65780emilie18Participant
regretfullymine — I SO agree with your statement “NEVER let a temper display be excused!. Even against others. Sooner or later, it will be at YOU.” I was re-reading parts of my journal the other day and came across an entry describing my ex’s unprecedented display of anger and how it alarmed me. This was about a year into our relationship, when I still thought it was all real. We were at a McDonalds and he ordered a burger and apparently it was wrong. He stormed back inside and slammed it on the counter, yelling at the clerk, calling her a “moronic idiot” and demanding another. I was standing just outside the door and heard his outburst. The manager told him to calm down and he let loose a stream of abuse on him – he was told to leave. I was so shocked I didn’t say a word at the time …but it triggered some pretty horrible memories of how I was treated as a young bride and, in my journal, I strongly questioned whether I could be with a man like that. He eventually apologized (sorta) and blamed it on low blood sugar (he was diabetic). But it wasn’t too long after that I began to see more of this behavior against mostly servers and clerks – those he thought were beneath him – and then, inevitably, against me. He knew my weaknesses and triggers and used them to control me when he thought I was on to him – especially when I questioned his lies. His eyes would go all weird when this happened, too – cold and hard and mean.
May 6, 2021 at 4:50 pm #65786
Emilie yes I have also seen my ex’s eyes like that. From charming and open and “loving” his eyes can switch in an instant to cold and black and hard. It is terrifying.
I also had another strange experience with his eyes. Around the time we were breaking up we went for a walk outside and I asked him about some discrepancies in his stories. I looked at him for his answer and his eyes started shifting as if going through various programs. I did not understand it at the time. I think he was searching for the appropriate fake personality to turn on. The appropriate program to respond to me. It was SOOOOO CREEPY. I did not know anything about sociopathy at the time so I did not understand it. But even at that time I got the impression that he was searching to “turn on” a personality and that there was no real actual genuine person in there. There was no soul in there so there could be nothing genuine.
May 6, 2021 at 4:55 pm #65787
Regretfully yes I agree about the temper tantrums. Those are a huge red flag. What grown man would throw a temper tantrum like a toddler over some slight injury to his ego. Just ridiculous.
I too disregarded it at the time and made excuses for him. I figured he was just immature or short tempered. And he never was outwardly angry to me. His temper tantrums were to other people.
But of course his anger to me eventually came out and it was passive aggressive, with leaving the house or silent treatment. I had abandonment issues so he instinctively knew that he could scare and manipulate me the most by withdrawing or leaving.
They are soulless and evil.
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