Why can't I move on?

[pinnacle22Participant]

I have spent the last three years working to get away from my N girlfriend. She managed to effectively manipulate and isolate me from everyone and I let her. I became so anxious that I developed panic attacks, which she would “protect” me through even though she was the one that caused them. I just didn’t want to admit it. I was housebound for over a year and I still struggle to leave my home for anything more than work. I haven’t seen her for six months and she comes and goes as she pleases, always distancing herself more and more via text. I told her a month ago that I wanted her to move on and live her life (I started No). I know she already is but I just don’t know how to. She acts like nothing happened and I know that in her mind, she just exhausted the supply I fed her for years. I feel like she owns the state I live in. I don’t feel like I can go anywhere or do anything because if I see her, it’ll be hell. The gay community is tight and I feel that I’ll never have a chance with anyone again. I’m truly an empath and I’m terrified of living the rest of my life alone. I just don’t know how to move on. I don’t even know what I like to do anymore. We always did what she wanted to do. I’m in the process of fixing broken friendships and relationships and also finding what I even like to do anymore. I can’t even remember the last time I got excited to do anything. Will life ever return?

[Donna AndersenKeymaster]

pinnacle22 – Your post was a bit unclear – are you still in contact with her? If the answer is yes, the first thing you need to do is cut all contact. It is very difficult to heal if the person is still around.

You may want to contact Amber Ault, Ph.D. She is a therapist specializing in helping gay people escape toxic relationships (which she knows about from experience).

Amber Ault, Ph.D., MSW

[pinnacle22Participant]

Thank you for your response Donna. I broke no contact last Sunday and I regret it just like I do each time. I’ve been trying to break free from her for three years and I keep falling back in only to be left upset and devastated. I’m trying to dig my heels in harder than ever now though. And I’m excited for the day that I don’t think about and miss her. There’s more good days than bad but the bad days are horrible. Reaching out to her only makes it worse and I know that.

Thank you for telling me about the therapist. I believe in counseling very strongly especially when it comes to learning more about ourselves and why we do things like we do.

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