How to recognize and recover from the sociopaths – narcissists in your life › Forums › Lovefraud Community Forum – General › why do I still love him and want him back over and over
January 11, 2019 at 4:35 pm #48380
Year after year for 17 years the man I still love with all my heart has lied, cheated, broken me, left me, came back over and over and I keep taking him back. I know he isn’t good for me and he isn’t going to change at his age he has been like he is since the day I met him I’d give up everything for him and he just doesn’t care. I’ve been thee for him through everything he’s been through and needed me for and now he won’t talk to me and blames me for everything when I know it’s not my fault I keep hoping he’ll call and come back.
January 11, 2019 at 5:27 pm #48381
Please read about these types of people and you will gain a lot of knowledge about why you keep taking him back. After 17 years I am guessing, for one, it has become an ingrained pattern in your life. But, in truth, that really isn’t the ‘answer’.
The answer is both simpler and more complex that a pattern. It has to do with brainwashing, abuse, and manipulations, that you have become totally conditioned to; and now respond to in the ways in which he needs you to, so he can be in control of you and your life.
I really suggest, after so many years, that if you want to understand why he is what he is, why he behaves the way he does, and why you feel you need him and love him, you need to read read read.
Look below in the red bar, under archives by category, and you will find lots of VERY helpful articles. The more you understand that predictable behavior of someone with a personality disorder, and that LOTS of us respond to them just as you have, the more likely you will be able to break from this situation.
January 11, 2019 at 8:03 pm #48384
keeptrying, you’ll find some answers to your question here:
January 11, 2019 at 10:20 pm #48387
Despite all the noise, I have to congratulate you. I was in the same situation with my mother. Therapists told me that her actions were destroying me, but I knew what kind of life she had as a child, and could not abandon a person within whom I had lived for 9 months. I ignored the advice of my psychiatrist (I’m bipolar and suffer c-ptsd) and my counselors. I thought they had never loved like me, that they were Americans and I was Latin, that they had not been poor as my family had been. Years passed during which I supported my mother and brother, bringing them to the States, keeping them fed and healthy. I read all I could, I consulting with Tudor in England, paid out of pocket specialists bc I was hurting, I was physically very ill, could not sleep and became suicidal. My mother ignored me totally; she left one day after opening my coffer and robbing me even of my shoes. I forgave her, after all, she was mentally disordered. Until she refused to answer my calls, threatening me with committing suicide on the phone (as my father had done earlier while talking to me). My mother was dry and did not want to respond to my questions. I learned later by accident that she had disinherited me, which is illegal in our country. She “sold” her properties to avoid leaving anything to me through a local loophole. I only wanted to protect her, to make sure that she wasn’t suffering, and her neglect was the usual and it didn’t hurt. But now she refused my help and avoided me like the pest. I reminded her of her past behavior, which she didn’t want to do. She wanted a new life now back in our home country. She befriended my estranged brother who betrayed me even before she did. My mother accused me of trying to rob “her.” Her treatment was so painful to take that I started losing interest in hearing her voice. I decoded why she rejected me at age 92. I realized that whatever I did for or against our relationship, her affected brain would not allow her to trust me ever again. Psychopaths deteriorate with age, and we can’t help them. We get sick and at that point we have to choose “us.” I continue adoring my poor mother, but can only witness her demise from afar. You may reach this point, or not. Maybe you are strong and can carry the weight of your partner’s illness, I hope so. But prepare from now to have to leave him one day, or you will perish together. You have a great heart, too big for your own good.
January 14, 2019 at 7:33 pm #48473
Ikeeptrying – I am so sorry for your experience. These relationships are highly addictive. What you are feeling is not love, it is addiction. So, yes, read the article that Redwald suggested. We have more – type “addicted to a sociopath” in the Google search bar at the top. You may also want to check out our webinars.
The man will never change. Your love will never cure him. If you want any peace in the rest of you life, you’ll need to end it with him.
January 20, 2019 at 6:51 am #48558
@ikeeptrying. WHERE ARE YOU AND HOW ARE YOU???? Truth hurts, but it’s the only way to peace. The reason you “think” you love him is because YOU DO NOT LOVE YOURSELF. The reason you do not love yourself is because your childhood (parents) were dysfunctional. One or both of them were narcissists. This site is AWESOME and also on YouTube look up “Richard Grannon Spartan Life Coach”. Peruse through ALL his videos and you will see the light. Main thing to realize and remember is to FOCUS ON YOU!! Take care of YOURSELF. Unplug from ALL social media and smartphone addictions. Do not communicate with that DEMON ever again. FOCUS on your INTERIOR and quit looking to the EXTERIOR for solace. HINT: It’s not there. Have a great day and BIG HUGS !!
January 22, 2019 at 3:28 pm #48606
Keep in mind that not all targets of sociopaths had a narcissistic parent. Some of us didn’t. All of us can be manipulated.
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