You didn't steal my light

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This topic contains 4 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by  traumatized41 1 year, 3 months ago.

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  • #42590


    My Letter to You….

    You loathe good, happy people. You take sick twisted pleasure from stealing their joy, and you try to steal their light. Your ultimate goal would have been to make me like you…sad, angry, self-loathing and unlovable but I’m not like you. I will never be the monster you are. Despite all the conning, lies, projecting, character assassinating, gas-lighting, controlling, manipulating, crazy-making, diagnosing, and chaos inducing you never took my joy…you hurt me for a moment but that is mostly healed. I loved a character you played and then I watch that person disappear and the real you, the disgusting monster of a person appear before my eyes and I slowly experienced the death of who I fell in love with and watched some sinister person manifest in the shell that looked like the woman I loved…but that person never existed. That fact, that reality nearly crumbled me. You have to pretend to get love….how very, very sad for you. You have to fake being something your not to get someone to love you but you aren’t interested in their love anyway really, you couldn’t care less about someone’s love. You have no need for love, it’s just a weapon, a tool of leverage to get anything and everything you can from that person. You can get them to spend all their money on you, work their butt off doing your projects for you trying to get your love back and all the while you take a sick pleasure in watching them unravel by not giving them the one thing they wanted from you, the love and relationship you promised from the beginning. You calmly watch them become emotionally charged from all the hidden manipulation and abuse and then try to convince them they are disordered from childhood abuse, overly triggered from trauma and not reacting sanely….projected madness is your specialty. You take someone’s dream of love, of having a “soulmate” and you abuse them with it. You withdrawal yourself and dangle a carrot of love on occasion watching that person jump through every hoop you whip out to get that love back, to get their “soul-mate” back. You seek out soft, kind, malleable people that have been devoid of love in their upbringing. I suppose those types are most ripe for the picking and the most willing to completely bend over backwards for the occasional promise of love or the token bone you ration out just enough to keep them around and keep them going. What a power trip that must be for you. I’m sure it is a special high for you being able to do that to person after person. Then when you have completely used them up and driven them insane you convince everyone else what a horrible person they are and you are just gonna have to get rid of them because they are so abusive and toxic for you and your son. You think your so smart outwitting your victims. There is a difference between being smart and being hidden….hiding like a coward from your true nature…that doesn’t necessarily make you smarter. Now that you are out from behind your bush and crawled out from underneath your rock that protects you, you are anything but smart and anything but a winner in this game you play. You never took my joy from me and that’s something I will always have and you will never know joy for yourself. I know you can never allow yourself to admit you do these things and you are this person. You know it deep down whether you fight it in your mind or not…you know this is who you are and what you do. I also know deep down you hate yourself completely. I don’t hate you, I won’t let you poison me any further. I feel a great deal sadness for all of your victims, past, present and future but I feel more sadness and pity for you than anything else. What a horrible existence for a person really and what a lowly, shameful creature you actually are. I wouldn’t wish that extreme lack of love, joy, peace, gratitude, and empathy on anybody. You only experience anxiety, shame/pride, anger, self-pity/victimhood, loneliness, jealousy and worst of all a deep, black, empty void from others. Your on-going experience is so much worse than the limited one year of abuse you put me through. You targeted me and you know it. You tricked me into giving up all my friends, my house, my job…everything I had and moving and you know it. You abused me mentally, emotion, financially and spiritually and you know it. You completely used me every way you could and you know it. You lied about nearly everything to me and everyone else and you know it. But the real victim in all of this is you. I don’t believe you are entirely human. You are something very bizarre and I feel sad for whatever you actually are because it’s not good…and it’s certainly not normal. I feel sad for whatever made you this way. You can continue to carry your darkness wherever you go but know I still have my light, my joy, my heart and my smile everywhere I go. You never robbed me of that. I have told everyone in your circle this story. I have explained the reasons behind why you can never “find someone good”…why you always trickle through so many people. Everyone thought you were such a poor victim always ending up with bad, “crazy” people but they all know now this is why…this is the reason. This is what you do…idealize, devalue and discard but I this time I did the discarding and with it…the exposing. Everyone is watching what you do with your next relationship. They are watching your pattern now. They know it’s all true. You have enough reputation to prove it yourself. You’ve spent a lifetime of destroying people like this. I know exposing you lit a torch to your world. For the first time, you got burned and burned badly. You have no one to blame but yourself. You cannot continue to abuse people in this fashion and not expect a fallout eventually. You are a collapsed narcopath with no source of energy now, angry that I left you, angry that everyone knows who you are now, angry at the world. I am six months into my healing and I can finally breath again…smiling and happy. I have friends that love me, a strong support system of positive, happy people. You have not destroyed my faith in goodness and love in this world. I will continue on. You never took my light. No matter what torment you put me through, you never robbed me permanently of my joy.

    • This topic was modified 1 year, 6 months ago by  1129pisces.
  • #42597


    Good for you 1129pisces, I am new to this but from what I understand they hate not being able to dim ones shine, they hate to not be able to suck the joy out of you and drag you into their sick, miserable existence. I hope to be able to write a letter like yours one day .

  • #42608


    Keep your light shining.

  • #42609

    Donna Andersen

    1129pisces – what a powerful statement! Thank you for sharing.

  • #43581


    Very powerful, helpful, and poignant statement. Thank you for sharing. .

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