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UPDATED FOR 2024. Editor’s note: The following email was sent by a Lovefraud reader, whom we’ll call “Pamela.” She was married to a sociopath and subject to domestic violence.

ALL ALONE

All Alone, I am lying on the floor, all “woe is me,” the man who promised to love me lied. I can’t find a friend and my own mother’s phone doesn’t work.

All Alone, I’m crying on this floor.

All Alone, I notice I am still here. I am sad, but still here, and I’ve protected my dog that he threatened. My dog is still here. And my body is healthy, even after it has been thrown and bruised, I can still GET UP.

All Alone, I feel my feet, I wiggle my toes.

All Alone, the tears stop falling, and I look at my feet, and I rise.

AND NOW, I am swelling with gratitude for the all alone I had because I learned that even if it seems like no one cares about me, I STILL care about me, and I will find others that will. I will find help. I will end this and the feelings of failure and worthlessness he tried to transfer to me. Those are NOT mine. But this body, these feet—these are mine. And so I say to them: start walking.

Thank you, Alone, because without You, I would not be able to hear my own voice.

Learn more: FREE! Your first step towards real recovery from narcissistic abuse and trauma

Lovefraud originally posted this story on Oct. 27, 2011.

Reader Interactions

Comments

  4. ErinBrock

    Pamela;
    Thank you for your message.
    One of hope and inspiration.
    Even in our darkest hours…..we walk along….BUT…we must continue to walk and carry our shadows close!

    Keep on walking girl…..don’t ever give up!

  6. callmeathena

    Pamela

    Thank you for writing this and sharing this. I feel like you share my pain. There are days (not today!) that I actually feel good and happy. Those days will come.

  9. KatyDid

    All ALone:
    The most powerful weapon you have against this evil is that you found the strength to care about YOU. Without that one thing, all the help in the world would have been moot.

    To borrow a word: TOWANDA!!

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