LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Thoughts about All Alone

UPDATED FOR 2024. Editor’s note: The following email was sent by a Lovefraud reader, whom we’ll call “Pamela.” She was married to a sociopath and subject to domestic violence.

ALL ALONE

All Alone, I am lying on the floor, all “woe is me,” the man who promised to love me lied. I can’t find a friend and my own mother’s phone doesn’t work.

All Alone, I’m crying on this floor.

All Alone, I notice I am still here. I am sad, but still here, and I’ve protected my dog that he threatened. My dog is still here. And my body is healthy, even after it has been thrown and bruised, I can still GET UP.

All Alone, I feel my feet, I wiggle my toes.

All Alone, the tears stop falling, and I look at my feet, and I rise.

AND NOW, I am swelling with gratitude for the all alone I had because I learned that even if it seems like no one cares about me, I STILL care about me, and I will find others that will. I will find help. I will end this and the feelings of failure and worthlessness he tried to transfer to me. Those are NOT mine. But this body, these feet—these are mine. And so I say to them: start walking.

Thank you, Alone, because without You, I would not be able to hear my own voice.

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Lovefraud originally posted this story on Oct. 27, 2011.