UPDATED FOR 2024. Editor’s note: The following email was sent by a Lovefraud reader, whom we’ll call “Pamela.” She was married to a sociopath and subject to domestic violence.
ALL ALONE
All Alone, I am lying on the floor, all “woe is me,” the man who promised to love me lied. I can’t find a friend and my own mother’s phone doesn’t work.
All Alone, I’m crying on this floor.
All Alone, I notice I am still here. I am sad, but still here, and I’ve protected my dog that he threatened. My dog is still here. And my body is healthy, even after it has been thrown and bruised, I can still GET UP.
All Alone, I feel my feet, I wiggle my toes.
All Alone, the tears stop falling, and I look at my feet, and I rise.
AND NOW, I am swelling with gratitude for the all alone I had because I learned that even if it seems like no one cares about me, I STILL care about me, and I will find others that will. I will find help. I will end this and the feelings of failure and worthlessness he tried to transfer to me. Those are NOT mine. But this body, these feet—these are mine. And so I say to them: start walking.
Thank you, Alone, because without You, I would not be able to hear my own voice.
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Lovefraud originally posted this story on Oct. 27, 2011.
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StrongaWoman
No Contact is usually the best course of action.
It looks like there is a typo in your post, something about a gun?
Please don’t respond to him at this time.
Athena
Dear Strongwoman,
Yes, he may just “turn up” but you have the option to NOT OPEN THE DOOR….or to walk away….you do not have to be “nice” or “polite” or anything else except NO CONTACT…..you have the right to NOT let him control you. YOU TAKE CONTROL WHEN YOU REFUSE TO INTERACT WITH HIM. Sometimes it is difficult to maintain the no contact, but that is how WE take back CONTROL over our lives. Good luck.
Athena,
I think Strongawoman meant “that he’s GOING to just turn up…” 🙂
You obviously have guns prominently in your mind!
Strongawoman,
NC is the game.
Any emotion is what he wants, so telling him off will just turn him on.
If he shows up, do not answer the door. make him think you aren’t home. If he knows that you are, just don’t speak to him. Pretend you are a zombie. Stare at him and then yawn. If you must speak with him, tell him you have a fungus in between your toes and ask him if he’d like to look at it. (unless he has a foot fetish!! Wait, take that back) Tell him you have terrible dandruff and have tried everything, to no avail.
Sky,
Ha! Yes! I do have guns on my mind! I am more fearful of my spath right now.
Got it.
I vote for a fish oil capsule at the ready. Those things have a repeating factor that could kill an elephant. Be sure to speak closely to his face.
Seriously Strongawoman:
Feel your empowerment by YOU choosing to NC him. It’s like cutting off someone’s access to HARM YOU. Like sayin NO more opportunities to HARM ME. And remember, they try to get in by being nice (the opportunity). YOU get to CHOOSE not to GIVE Opportunity. Towanda!!!!
Thank you and yes I mention going to as in gona turn up haha. He hasn’t turned up and am feeling much better. Thanks again you lovely people xxxx
Towanda?? Lol?x
Haha yes Athena …. I let him look at hair growing outa my chin. He hates hairy women
Strongawoman, ‘Towanda’ is an empowerment expression here. Instead of ‘well done’ and ‘more power to you’ we say towanda here. 🙂
Dear darwinsmom, great expression may I say towanda to you all. Thanxfor the words of encouragement agen