Why all the drama with the cops, probation, looking over shoulder, parole, etc.? The secret seems to be getting the stalker to want no further parts of you. My cousin did that by explaining an elective surgery as a bowel surgery and with a product called Liquid Ass sprayed down the back of her pants confronted him outside her house with the explanation that it’s a lifelong after effect she’ll have to live with. This sociopath was a daily threat and annoyance and that was the last time she ever saw him, which was August of 2011. Horrid stench along with whatever else would be the last thing the particular stalker would ever want is what she has to become until he’s gone. He doesn’t like overweight women? Grab a fork! Do the lovelies get a copy of the victim impact statement before the parole board? Buy lots and lots of guns, assault rifles, rocket launcher and go on about them in the statement … That you don’t think he deserves capital punishment and she doesn’t want to be forced to administer it in her own house. It’s crazy outside the box thinking but it works.
[youtube_sc url=http://youtu.be/k_Ue6rOsxhY] One way to convince a sociopath to leave you alone may be to make yourself unappealing. Here are suggestions from a Lovefraud reader:
Love it! It does work! LOL LOL
I told my husband about this one and he’s been laughing for two days. He thinks we should sell Liquid Ass in the Lovefraud store.
Tell him you forgot to shave your legs and put these pantyhose on! http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/06/17/china-hair-stockings_n_3455250.html
Making oneself unappealing to the psychopath is a major part of the grey rock technique: http://www.lovefraud.com/2012/02/10/the-gray-rock-method-of-dealing-with-psychopaths/
Thanks for this great article! It reminded me of how inventive I had to become in order to jettison my spath. At some point in our marriage, the spath began a toxic mantra. The spath would say this to me many times a day, every day: “I don’t like the future you’re offering me”. This made me feel horrible and powerless for many months. Then I decided that I would accelerate the timeline of the future, and make the future the present! I started to complain daily that I was running out of money. I would wring my hands and say that soon I won’t be able to afford groceries. The spath would shrug when I said things like this.
And one month later, the spath path moved out while I was on a trip to move my son into his college dorm!!! No note. No discussion. Just gone. The spath had slithered on to greener pastures.
I found out many months later that the spath had returned to the ex spouse because there was a half million dollar life insurance policy that the ex had been charmed (you know I mean conned) into making the spath the beneficiary for!
Out of the box really works! Start wringing those hands and discussing delicious cat food recipes like I did!
I had an EX spath that would still call me whenever he was “in between” gal pals. This went on for several years. He’d call, often at midnight to tell me how much he missed me, et al. Y’all know what that’s about! Obviously I’d never agree, but I’d pretend to fall asleep on the phone and start snoring really loud- snorting and coughing. Waking up suddenly and start talking about some assinine thing that wouldn’t interest him at all. When this act started failing (he’d hang up and call again the next night)- I invighted him over after work. It was during a pretty bad snowstorm- but he couldn’t resist. I have 6 chickens so I brought them into my kitchen hallway. When he came into the kitchen my big rooster chased him out and back down the stairs and out of my house! He couldn’t get out fast enough. My roo actually leaped up flapping- nailing the spath with his sharp pecker on the back of his legs. It was hilarious. My rooster is normally very tame- but he’d never seen the spath before and he will attack strangers if they go anywhere near the hens. The spath was so shaken that he refused to come back in- not even thru the front door. I chided him from the 2nd floor porch for being such a wimp. He did call me again a couple of months later. By now it was spring. He asked me if I still had that rooster. I said the chickens were all out in the coop now, but that I just adopted a 4 foot long 12 pound Iguana that was too big for a cage so I let him have the run of the house.
Not being an animal lover beyond cats and dogs- he hasn’t bothered me more than maybe once a year since and he will NEVER dare show up at my house. (BTW the rooster’s just fine….)
Erdelyi – this is hysterical. I laughed all the way through your post.
Hi all. I have not posted here in a long time but I love this site and think it is invaluable.
Here’s another possible way to get rid of a sociopath: Be socially awkward.
I have found that many sociopaths HATE that. If you constantly act clumsy, and/or commit lots of social faux pas, you’re too much of an embarassment for them to be seen with you. A lot of sociopaths only want to be with people that are “respectable.” This means people who are not just wealthy and/or beautiful, but also popular, well-liked, and have impeccable social skills.
I used to be active in online dating services, and met so many narcissistic men through them. Many of these men would get so mad at me because I acted too shy and awkward (hey, I only just met these guys, and I tend to be quiet around people I hardly know). Because I had so much social anxiety, I sometimes did inappropriate things during our “dates.” Often, I acted too hyper. Once, I told one of these men I didn’t date online very often; which was true at that time. I also told another one how much I hated the dating scene, and he got really pissed at me. I thought I was being “honest” and “sincere” at that time, since I wouldn’t take offense if a guy I dated told me these things; but I guess I was too much so for these guys. Eventually they all ended up rejecting me. This happened so much I eventually quit online dating because I realized that either I just wasn’t very good at it, or it just wasn’t my kind of scene, or – most likely – a combination of both. While their rejection of me hurt at that time, I now realize how much my pitiful lack of social skills must have protected me from predators.
This is not to say I was totally immune to these guys; I did have some brief relationships and flings with some of these guys. But once they discovered my tendency to be a loner as a result of my social awkwardness, they did not stick around.
I’m sure not all sociopaths or narcissists have this attitude, but in my experience many of them do, simply because they’re extremely shallow.
Try it sometime.=)
Sellena,
There is some online program that isn’t too expensive that helps you A) write a profile that will attract the right types of guys, B) know how to spot the players and disordered, and C) give you tips on how to behave and not to behave on the first few dates. I have not personally bought this program because I don’t have those kinds of problems with online dating, which I do periodically. I just expect and accept that there are players, losers, and scam artists out there, and I usually can spot them before I get to meet them – usually. Sometimes I don’t know till after I meet them, but at some point, there is always a ‘tell’. For me the trick is just not to take any of it too seriously. Do not be too serious or needy in your profile, do not glom onto every attractive guy who writes you, and do not talk to guys who seem needy, serious, or glom onto you. Witty banter, a casual date, etc. – this is what dating sites are for. They are really introduction sites. They expand your social circle. If you are going to take it too seriously or get your feelings hurt easily, do not do it. You do have to weed through the losers to find the few decent guys. I have read that 33% of married couples these days meet online. To me, the odds are too great to ignore this venue. But you just need to be smart about it, and watch your own behaviors so you don’t attract sociopaths. They prey on lonely, negative, desperate women who advertising that they are looking to be swept off their feet. I emphasize that if a guy behaves badly, insults you, or just doesn’t connect with you, you cannot take it personally. You just take it as a sign that he’s not right for you and move on.
As women, we are more emotional creatures. Though this is the part about us that men crave, they do not understand how to treat us to nurture our emotional nature. They also don’t do closure very well, which many of us need. This is a very good reason not to let too many of your emotions out in the first few dates, so you don’t become too vulnerable too soon. You might try talking about a favorite book or movie, but your social fears and anxieties are things a new guy does not need to know about on a first date.
I totally agree with you; dating should not be taken seriously. And it is good to not take it personally if a guy you date rejects you or is an asshole. It is also good to not get emotionally involved or subsequently rush into things too soon.
Perhaps I didn’t make myself clear. When I was dating online I knew very little about sociopaths, or even what they were. I had heard of the term, but knew nothing else about it. When I read this site, I found myself nodding my head constantly when I realized how well a lot of the men I met through these dating sites fit the descriptions of sociopaths and narcissists. I discovered this site about a year after I quit online dating.
Before I discovered LoveFraud, I believed that I was a f%ckup for being rejected by these men. Now I realize they did me a favor, and I find their disapproval of me a huge compliment. I feel a big weight has been lifted from my shoulders.
Of course, I’m not perfect myself, and I’m sure I did make mistakes when I dated online. For example, I probably really didn’t need to tell those guys my true feelings about online dating when I first met them; though at that time it seemed innocuous to me because I’ve had men I dated online express similar sentiments to me, and I didn’t feel offended (probably because I felt the same way).
Some other clarifications: I did meet nice, decent men online too, but we just didn’t click. My social anxiety was not the only reason I quit online dating either (although it was a big reason); I also quit because I was stalked by one of the men I met through it.
A couple of questions: do you know the name of this online program that helps you write a profile to attract the right kind of guys, etc.? Also, do you remember where you read that 33% of married couples meet online? I have seen similar things said on dating sites, but I took them with a grain of salt because I assumed the site was fabricating or exaggerating these statistics in order to get more members/$$.
Thank you for your insightful comments.=)
Perhaps the next step down from Liquid Ass (LMAO) is to have a very gassy stomach. A guy friend of mine had a date with a beautiful lady who had irritable bowel syndrome. She passed gas throughout the entire date. Though he really liked her, he just couldn’t get past that, and he never called her again. Most of us don’t happen to have irritable bowel syndrome, but we all have some foods like beans that give us really bad gas. For me, I only need a trip to the Indian buffet. LOL
At last! A sense of humor about this stuff. I’ll bet your cousin is a lot of fun.
Some of what I’m reading is a contradiction to what Donna has said about sociopaths. That abusers will attach themselves like rapist and other victimizers to the person who is traumatized wounded weak or vulnerable. I have also seen people run into me, with a strange face looking older or poor. and from what i have seen of that sometimes they are looking for what u got and want u to feel sorry or are also warding off something they fear in ur. I’m not or was not a sociopath. but feel now I’m turning into one after the list of abusers and lack of trauma abuse medical care i was not given. the reason was that the abusers stalking me for what they could get off me, had to do with my mind and what it held and soul as much as possessions. and that i was not given a means to heal like i read about truam or child hood abuse victims. they become a victim most and its a cycle. it was why i got to drs asap when i had escaped certain abusers but got no respect left walking wounded alone became victim of next one who became even more abusie damaging. this was as my life was rising to top. the contradiction was this person wanted me to be poor stated at onset my life or my bread was well buttered. meaning he was looking at what ihad. i was gifted and at place i had survived a life of trauma and abuse and list of certain abusers sent on me by family to take me down. i had just escaped this last victimizer, a singer in jamaica and had no time to heal before the next more destructive i call him a jackhammer because he was abusive rough and tore up damaged anything in his path. with my fragile history being alive off grace of god and blessing.. to be one in in emilino to get a good happy life and able to smile and thrive. iw as not given that respect by family also sociopath dysfunction toxic.. liars.. and doctors who did not care. and abused me to. So some of comments about what u said about what they look for a perfect person. is not true. although i think this method will work i have tired to hide my mental assets but as i got so sick in last days of my life i was pounced upon my mind turned inside out while my life now was left ravaged and turned from a survivor to a fatality because of lack of a place to heal out of the zone, and who and what they anted was ripped out of my soul. this past person was a person who wanted to feel he was an illuminati has spcyic powers to abuse and to also monitor and know how to hear my thinking and want to guess and control my movements. it was hard to get a grip and separate from my death or back off from this with out a place and a doctor to know what i needed. a family member said to me when i began to 911 of my life in danger. that now no one was going to know the truth? what does that mean. as kid this family told drs a lie about my life and it lead to munchasuen by proxy. this sister is the roll model of sociopath and abuseed me and she did not want to admit it. avoids my challenge to take a lie detector test and will not admit it. the words to confess or admit and tell truth just won’t come out of her mouth . she wants to g around it to feel she did not do anything but she is a liar.. and i can prove it bugt she wanted to render me helpless again . after i grew past her. and escaped their abuse. to control me. i do agree some what that if u have no assets that the person might abuse u more. This person being a black jamacia was looking for money. from women. he wanted a woman wh had money to support and pay for his dick and services( not me ) and to abuse and batter them to damage their self esteem. he was also jelous at same time he wanted to make me feel i was poor or could not meet up to his profile. his profile a poor person with no education no assets no means ways no house and no food begging and battering women to feed cloth and drink him.. i was sad that this was at place i had lived hand to mouth and survived with smile on my face an amazing life full of person alike him and family like him. and was at place it all was going to pay off for me and turn my story into a inspiration and sadness into a means. ways. this person was given an open door to do this by persons who intentionally turned a blind eye and deaf ear to my cries for help. when i knew i needed help to get away from him no one came to help. my sister the one i mention is someone who is guilty of sins on others lives and her comment was just about as blatant to expose her self for her intentions as it could get. does a normal person say this to someone who is in danger. that why should a dr hear me , or now no one will know the truth. when they held me a hostage and kept me sick with munchasuen by proxy, she said same thing. and when i broke free she asked what was i going to do with my freedom. i took it to top of world.. Well I’m thinking now about some people who passed by me on road. showing an ugly face. just like the liQUID ASS. ITS A TACTIC USED BY SOME PEOPLE FOR TWO THINGS. TO GAIN UR SYMPATY AND TO MAKE U FEEL SORRY TO USE UR MEANS AS THEIR WAYS. AND MIGHT BE ALSO TO DISTRACT U FROM THEM IF THEY FEEL UR ON THEIR ASS. OR SOMETHING . U WANT FROM THEM IN CONFUSION.. PARANOIA . ALL I WANTED FROM PERSON WAS TO TELL SOMEONE I WAS GIONG TO DIE FROM THIS AND I WAS IN DANGER AND MY FAMILY WERE INVOLVED IN A GAME.. I NEVER GOT THE NEEDED CARE AND NOW I BEGAN TO CRACK FALL INTO GUTTERS FROM THE LAST ABUSES AND BEGIN TO TAKE ON SICK CHARACTERISTICS OF NOT ME. I CANO NOT THRIVE AND IM LEFT ALONE TO SUFFER A SAD ENDING TO A FAIRYTALE STORY.. MYTALENT AND MY HEALTH WITH IT..
To add to this. Jamaican male and female pimps cursing for that woman who he peg as being vulnerable about over 4o, and have money and a mother instinct.he might not even care if ur 70 years old. as long as u have a bank account and a soft spot he can hit in. i could chose in life when this person came to my life an young enough to be his friend so i got fought into this.. but his intent were to run over me. to abuse or make someone low they will intentional y ask u for large amount of money and abuse u. and teat others ok.. this is like also liquid ass. thinking that u love them to much and imagine u have self esteem issues they will attack you.. when u don’t fit into that category they might even become more threaten ur going to kill them or make their life hard or cast god on them. making it complicated and might do u harm for that too. not just in jamaioca but here to.
i have seen to add. japanese woman who wear hairy leg stockings tow ward off men. but as far as sociopaths go. they might lean toward that woman feeling she is easy or insecure.. so donna please check the facts here.. contradictions..
Margaux,I’m not sure I understood your story, but it sounds like you were conned by one of these Jamaican male prostitutes? This is a big business in Jamaica, with older women from other countries going there for the sex with younger males and paying them dearly in cash and material gifts. Many of these men email the women after they go back home and pretend they are “in love” so they can keep getting money. Or to secure their “job” during the woman’s next visit. The families of these men are often supportive because prostitution is a one of the few decent sources of income in Jamaica. Though Jamaica could sell its own agricultural products – pineapples, for example – it is outsourced by the world market. Some of these restrictions were put in place many years ago by the United States. The very poor Jamaican people were given a loan in exchange for allowing commerce that has now killed its own economic viability. It’s very sad, but it is a reality. When economies are very bad, sex always sells and it becomes a big source of income. This sets up a culture of conning and exploiting foreigners for money. It’s very sad. It happens in Costa Rica, too, to a lesser extent. Sadly, this is a big reason many westerners like to travel to third world countries – to find sex and romance.
I have a friend who is a native Jamaican and has lived there all her life. She is married to a Jamaican man who is pathetic (as she calls him). He is gone most of the time, cannot make any money so lives off of her income, and though she doesn’t say it in so many words, I believe he sleeps around.
I also hear that you feel you have reached out, and there is no one there to help you. It pained me to read this. I know what that feels like – I have had to help myself my entire life, and with little support out there, the burden gets very heavy. I hope that you can find the strength to keep looking for the help you need, and that you find the courage to heal in the face of your adversity. I’m curious what country you live in? I think you mentioned you are not Jamaican?