"Hover by Proxy"

Thirdtimelucky, your gut instinct kicked in with regards to all of a sudden she is contacting you. Yep, this is what sociopaths do. If you block them they send in others that are under their spell. No doubt he has created a massive smear campaign against you to protect his marriage (spouse from finding out & leaving him). You know what he is up to = trouble.

I agree with you assessment that “anything you say will be used against me”.

You did the right thing blocking her. Next time if someone contacts you dont answer just implement the no contact rule asap & block them.

I gave up all my friends that still had contact with my ex. I know that he is pure evil & did not want to endure an endless nightmare even after my divorce.

ps if you can print out or take a photo of her text, then do so & keep it filed just in case he/she causes any kind of drama. Also tell your closes friends & family about her contacting you also. This way if something happens down the road & you realize these people are start drama in your life you have proof for the police. This is how you have to deal with a sociopath & his pack.

Hi Thirdtimelucky, I am so glad that you got away from this crazy manipulative sociopath!! You were so smart in hiring a PI to uncover this guys crazy double life!

I am a firm believer in listening to your gut, especially now that I have learned so much about what these evil people do when they are not with you and your gut is telling you a lot of good info. If you think his daughter is a “psycho”, BELIEVE your gut!!

First impressions are lasting impressions!!

The apple typically does not fall far from the tree, especially a sociopath’s tree. Not all children of a psychopath are psychopath. However, they can easily pick up patterns of bad behavior from their parent psychopath. And you were picking up something from her that made you notice her behavior was not normal.

What is this daughters agenda?

Is she doing this on her own? Most likely NOT. She had to hear from him that you two broke up. So to me she is nothing but trouble in your life.

I’m sorry that you lived thru such a nightmare with this crazy guy. Was the PI that you hired shocked by his findings or is this typical with his investigation?

I called a PI during my marriage because I felt that he was cheating but had no proof. We both have jobs were we traveled weekly out of state. My ex at the time was using a work cell phone & I did not have access to his phone bill. I thought he was screwing around with a co worker but he was spinning my head so much with chaos & drama at home, that I literally could not think clearly, while at the same time using love bombing games. And his work was not in town & his co worker lived in the opposite direction. When I spoke with the PI he just told me to check the bill. That all the “answers are always in the phone bill”. About 1 1/2 later he told me that his company he worked for was upset for him using their “cell phone for other business”. So he purchases a personal cell phone. That’s when I was able to check the phone bill & found that he & she were talking endlessly. Every time he was on the phone for “business” he was really talking to her. This is why his company told him to purchase his own phone! While with her, he was calling me on his business phone. It was so crazy. He had endless energy.

You state: “This is what puzzles me: why not introduce his daughter to his wife and keep me secret (especially as I live in a different town from his daughter and wife)?”

Sociopaths love to play mind games with everyone!! This was some kind of twisted mind game either with you or her or both by your ex. Like a cat playing with a mouse for fun. My ex was on a business trip north of our home and invited me up to stay at his hotel. I drove up & guess who joined us for dinner…his mistress i.e. co worker!! (at the time I did not have confirmation of their affair but I was very suspicious). I believe he had me go up to the hotel to control her in some way & me too and he told me after he admitted to the affair that she wanted to have an “open” relationship with him, meaning she wanted to divorce her husband & have my ex do the same with me. She was tired of “sneaking around” (at least this is what he told me when I found the phone bill & pieced everything together.

Close the door on his daughter too. Keep his emails & his daughters text for record. And then slam the door closed on her (him) & dont think about her again unless you see something odd at your home or see her at places you frequent etc. Clear your mind of her…dont let her rent space in your mind!!

• This reply was modified 7 years ago by Jan7.

Hi Thirdtimelucky, your ex’s word con game was unbelievable…no doubt he is still using the same EXACT con game of words to suck in more victims & keeping his wife in his grips.

“a friend is paying my bills and does my admin in return for me paying my mortgage. I also use her address for correspondence and to garage my car”.

What he was telling you was plausible…he was just helping out a friend right? Who wont believe what he told you. My ex’s con game of words was also believable to a certain extent. But in the beginning I saw some of his lies..but I never dealt with someone that lied. It’s shocking to hear the lies & then how do you deal with the lies once you realize they are lying? If you have not been taught as a child to call out someones lies how do you know how to handle such a situation?? I am not an argumentative person or a conformational person so being in a relationship with a sociopath is stressful & anxiety ridden just from this prospective.

The reality is, we all were brought up by honest parents, we picked our circle of friends that were honest, so when one of these evil types comes along we dont know how to deal with their lying & scheming. We are shocked…sociopaths use “double think” manipulation (google this) so that we are left confused & doubting our own thoughts & what they said.

Do we call them out? do we start an argument? or do we remain silent? Remaining silent is what sociopath want you to do. But they also, love an agreement where they can twist your mind up even more just for fun. My ex could twist up everyones mind so quickly even to get out of a speeding ticket, or dealings in divorce court judge, boss, family or me. I bet your ex was the same too!?!

It’s so crazy what we all endured. Some moments I’m still shocked about this whole crazy world we live in after educating myself. Yes, I knew there were bad people in this world but never knew that there were text book terms for their craziness.

You state:

“I was so vulnerable at the time, in the middle of court case with my son’s dad so I was grateful for any attention I got. That’s what they do – SP prey on vulnerable.”

Donna, has written many articles on the dangers of online dating (you can do a search on LF to read them). I think good old fashion meeting someone & believe your gut instinct right away is most important. My gut reaction, like yours, was dead accurate when meeting my ex the very second I met him thru a mutual friend. The second meeting was even more accurate…but I ignored the red flags because I was lonely & because he had a huge group of friends so I convinced myself that my gut was not accurate because… why would all these people be his friend??

I had Just moved to a new town for a new job. Most dangerous time according to Steven Hassan cult & domestic abuse expert for someone to meet a abuser, is when they have had a life change i.e. divorce (like you), death in the family, move (like me), going of to college, new job etc. So this is something that we all have to look out for when we have a changes in our life = dont let your guard down.

You state:

“So I was excited to meet him. But our first lunch date did not go well – he was late, I did not find him attractive and was unsure what to think.”

I did not find my ex attractive ever. He was late for everything! I wonder if your ex was late intentionally to have power over you??

I read a study that we can determine within 3 seconds if someone is trustworthy or not. Your gut instinct was correct not only about him, but most likely about his daughter too.

Google: “Oprah Gavin Debecker you tube” to watch their video on listen to your gut.

My ex mirrored me in the beginning too. I think they all do this go suck us all in. If I left a sweet note for him before I left for work, days later he would leave me a very similar worded note or on the phone. I remember thinking it was odd. Those “odd” moments someone gives off are like a bread crumb trail once you finally want to see the truth…then you see the years of bread crumbs they dropped along from day one. Odd moments = red flags!!

If I think about it too much I can get sad about the whole nightmare, especially the fact that my gut alarm went off the very second I met him like yours. If only we could go back and RUN LIKE HELL FROM THEM (lol) Wishful thinking.

I remember sitting at the dinner table with his co worker & him just wanting to get up & RUN out, go back to the hotel & pack my things & leave him. But of course the “what if I am wrong about the two of them”…then I just made a complete fool of myself. So I sat there going between anger & tears but holding it all in so not to show my internal emotions outward. He controlled us both at that very table.

Anyways, I’m glad that you know the truth about this evil guy & that you found the strength to post here at love fraud & continue to post. Asking questions & having a convention with someone who understands helped me tremendously when I first left to unraveling my brain from all the craziness that I endured. So I’m glad that you are asking questions & posting and hope it is helping you also.

Wishing you a wonderful day to day!! ?