I'm on Day 1 of No Contact – struggling..

Virgii – I am so sorry for your experience. What you are describing is typical sociopathic behavior. It sounds like the guy was playing with your heart just to entertain himself — I think they are among the worst kind of sociopaths.

Yes it is painful. You have every right to feel betrayed, angry and grieving. Please keep reading Lovefraud – we have plenty of information that will help you.

Maintain No Contact. Do not contact the guy for any reason – and if he tries to contact you, do not allow him to. No Contact is the path to hearing.

Hi Virgil. I am also sorry for your experience with this parasite. That’s exactly what he is . I’m also very new to this site, and also just started ‘no contact’ with ‘my’ ex parasite. We were engaged, went to get the marriage license and everything. He freaked out after that, and literally started to go crazy. He was not a good person. I know it’s hard to continue the no contact. We have to, though, because we know it isn’t right with these people, any type of relationship. They bleed you dry. They take all you have to give, with no remorse. Who needs that? Not US!! No one deserves that kind of treatment. NO one. I stand with you and support you in your time of devastation. It’s hard. You believed his lies, his unreal plans for the future, his ‘oh, I love you so much, you’re everything to me’ bullsh*t. Get over it, losers, you don’t deserve us, the ones with empathy and real caring to give. We are so LUCKY to be out of these situations! Don’t you agree? We could have been stuck in it so much longer. We are now safe to be free and happy. To live a life of goodness and reality. Not some sicko, hallow, unreal existence. Let’s say goodbye to these parasites. They don’t deserve what we have to offer. ! Much love. REAL love. Carry on, win the good fight. Kristinan32

I’m so sorry for your experience. It really has been the most painful thing I’ve been through in my life, and I imagine it’s probably up there for you as well. You fall in love with the mask…and then when they remove the mask it’s devastating.

It’s now been 1 month since I started no contact (3 months since the breakup), but I truly have to take it 1 day at a time sometimes. Especially at first – I felt the impulse to reach out to her constantly. But it is a little better now. Some days are very hard but I also have some good days now too.

I’ve also been seeing a therapist and recently begin taking the supplement Sam-E for my depression. I knew if I didn’t get help it would spiral out of control. All that to say – if you need to get help, there is no shame in that. I also found kickboxing to be helpful in dealing with my anger over the situation.

Sending you healing thoughts today. 🙂

• This reply was modified 6 years, 7 months ago by allison123.

Virgil, ??CONGRAULATIONS ON GOING NO CONTACT!!!??

This is HUGE hon. ? Pat yourself on the back for making this important first step to a calm & peaceful life again!!

Choosing to go no contact is not easy place to get to. But, with time you will realize that it is the greatest gift you have ever given yourself.

Keep venting & reading here at Lovefraud.

Zari Ballard was correct when she stated: “this website (Lovefraud) as being incredibly key to her recovery.”…I think everyone that comes to Lovefraud would agree.

Sending you huge hugs hon. ???Take it one day at a time, some days just one minute at a time or one second at a time. Be kind to yourself during this process of healing. Remember you just survived a sociopath…you are stronger then you realize for doing this feat.

??CONGRATULATIONS again for imposing the No contact rule!! ??

(ps look into Adrenal fatigue…get your health back in order from all the stress you have been under…see sites like Dr Lam. com & Adrenal fatigue.org and just google Adrenal fatigue symptoms part of PTSD (I believe)

Virgii, DO NOT beat yourself up hon. Breaking no contact happens to almost everyone. The important thing to take away from this last phone call with him is, HIS MASK DROPPED for you to see EXACTLY who he is = a evil sociopath!! . He just showed you his TRUE self. Open your eyes & mind to this right now!!

Write his mean words down that he told you tonight on the phone right now on in a journal/piece of paper, so that the next time you want to call him, you will be able to remind yourself that he showed you his true colors that he is mean.

Remember: When someone shows you who they are, believe them.

Also, write down right now how you feel. Are you angry, mad, sad, etc. This way before want to call him again, you will remind yourself it’s not worth calling him.

NOTE: YOU WILL NEVER GET CLOSURE BY TALKING WITH A SOCIOPATH!!

Your closure is finding out that he IS a SOCIOPATH!! That is your closure.

Remember a sociopath ultimately wants power & control over others. By him saying these mean things to you tonight he thinks he gained power & control over you. DO NOT BELIEVE ANYTHING HE SAID TO YOU…sociopaths are pathological liars and will liar about EVERYTHING!! Another reason to slam the door shut by using the No contact rule. You know he is a pathological liar (google term).

TAKE YOUR POWER & CONTROL BACK FROM HIM BY IMPOSING THE NO CONTACT RULE AGAIN!!

You ask:

Coping tips:

1) do a search here on Lovefraud on “Tapping”

2) look at the Yellow box on Lovefraud “home page”

3) Get your health in order. The stress you have been under due to this evil sociopath has caused your body chemistry to be off. Look into the symptoms of adrenal fatigue (google) and look at sites like Dr Lam. com and Adrenal fatigue. org. This can be healed naturally with good food, vitamins & Minerals (b complex, D, magnesium etc), plenty of rest, relaxation & sleep and possible NATURAL hormones replacement short term.

Find a good Endocrinologist doctor to test you for vitamin & mineral deficiency, cortisol levels, hormonal imbalance etc.

Google: “Super Juice Me documentary you tube” and “Sick, fat & nearly dead. cool”, and “Dr Fuhrman Eat to Live PBS you tube” to learn how food can balance your body’s chemistry and get you thinking clearly again. Your local library may have their books.

Symptoms list of Adrenal fatigue:

racing mind
not able to be calm
sleep issues
anxiety
depression
mood swings
brain fog
etc etc it’s a long list so check out the symptoms lis on those sites and the net.

4) Before you call him ever again…come here to lovefraud and write everything you would want to tell him…cry it out, yell it out, get out here instead of on the phone with him. This really does help tremendously just to get it out of your mind. If you dont want to do this publicly then just get a piece of paper out (better a journey) and write out everything on your mind).

Once you get your body back in order and keep the No contact rule in place, I promise you your mind will settle and you will not want this guy back in your life EVER again. Hard to believe this right now but I promise you this day will come.

Sending you huge hugs!!???

DAY ONE (Again ?) NO CONTACT STARTS NOW!!!

• This reply was modified 6 years, 7 months ago by Jan7.
• This reply was modified 6 years, 7 months ago by Jan7.

No Contact is with the psychopath but much contact with trusted friends.

Virgii:Speaking from one who has fallen off the wagon once too many, I had to learn the hard way the understanding of the no contact rule. In the words of Eleanor Roosevelt, “Start where you stand.” No matter how many times we have to stand back up, it pays off in the end.

It has been two months and no contact. This has been the longest for me. Everything everyone is telling you here is so true. Each sociopath has his or her own methods of gaining control but in the end it equates to the same. They all think they are unique but they are not.

For me I wrote a list of things that I no longer needed to put up with or live with. The list was extensive and I kept it in front of me for the first few weeks. My life has become less chaotic with less drama. Keeping busy is also key to overcoming the sociopath. But the no contact rule is essential as I had to learn the hard way.

Working on yourself and not focusing too much on the past and what pain he has caused you is also key in the healing process. There is an app you can download on your phone for meditations and in the night when you have difficulty sleeping you can play them. They are soothing and let your body calm down. You can also get some online.

Stay strong.

Virgii, your story sounds like my nightmare….I am married with small children and he targeted me at a difficult period in my marriage when I was feeling neglected and alone. The magnetism of his eyes when he looked at me was unmistakable. It was like a tiger ready to hunt his prey. I was thirsty and he quenched my thirst. The attention, the excitement, the sex, the EVERYTHING was like nothing that I ever experienced…even to this day. However, it was an affair…set in a fantasy. Nothing was real. The whole premise of the affair had no groundings or stress imposed by real life. It was an escape…a temporary escape from reality.

I had devised a plan to leave my husband, including renting a flat where I spent most of my days but returned to my children in the evenings. My thoughts were torn between being with whom I thought was “the love of my life” and staying with my husband for the sake of my children. The red flags were there all along, however I chose to ignore them believing that he loved me. The biggest moment of truth came when my husband discovered our affair, and my socio told me to “LIE.” How could my knight be such a coward? Shouldn’t he be willing to fight for me, for OUR LOVE? He continued to encourage me to take steps in leaving my husband, all the while his life remained the exact same. I was slowly ruining what I had worked so hard to build while he continued to “support me” in the shadows.

My worst fear was realized in a movie…Anna Karenina. I had never seen it previously, but somehow, through divine intervention, I saw that movie on a plane ride and realized I was getting played. (If you haven’t seen it, Anna is married with kids, has an affair, leaves her husband for her lover, and her lover leaves her). It spoke to me. When I returned from that trip, he was different, more aloof and I realized it was a love scam. I ask him if there was someone else. “No,” he tells me. Not even 2 weeks later, another woman appears on his social media. Whether it was intuition or divine intervention, I got out. I left him a voicemail about his lies and never heard back from him….

I reached out to him once to wish him a happy birthday (2 months later) and didn’t receive a response. After that I really went NO CONTACT. It was hard for me….I refused to give him that satisfaction. There was my pride. There was my complete loss of innocence and trust in the humanity. How did these people exist and get away with this garbage? How did I become someone’s short term thrill? He got off on messing with a married woman…how many other wives did he covet or seek to covet? There was my disbelief that this happened to me. There was shame in my gullibility. There was relief that it was over and I could pick up the pieces of my marriage and move on.

Except, he came back. A year and a half later….for some more fun. I didn’t give in. He kept randomly reaching out via text. I didn’t take the bait. I forgave myself and him for everything that happened. I needed that poison (and anger) out of my life. But, I didn’t take the bait for several years. Recently, I tried to reconcile with him, and he obviously wanted another taste of our physical connection. I called his personality disorder out, and he didn’t deny it. Via text, he explicitly confessed that he craved the excitement of being with me and “wanted to ____ me” but I’m not that woman anymore. I know this trick. I’ve seen it before. I sleep well at night now. I have self-love, respect and am worth more than some cheap thrills. He almost ruined me once and I will not allow that to EVER happen again at his hands.

So, I blocked him. I have complete power and no intention of going there. They don’t change. They will destroy any woman or relationship. Nothing will make them happy.

Take action to fix yourself and do whatever makes you happy. Find love within yourself and try to understand whether you’re ready and/or willing to give your husband EVERY ounce of you. Go to couple therapy. It takes time to recover from these experiences, but DO NOT give the socio the power that stunts your happiness. Do not reach out to him. Don’t be fooled if he reaches out to you. He only uses people. Don’t let your ego take over and think that you’re somehow special to him, because he’s got 5 other “special someones” on the side. Embrace the quiet after the storm. Let the anger subside, but maintain your strength. Forgive yourself, forgive him, but never forget.
There is healing in finding that peace. The best revenge is living a good and happy life.

• This reply was modified 6 years, 7 months ago by soulsurvivor.

I found it interesting that you mention the way he looked at you. I also noticed something very weird in the way my ex N looked at me, although can’t explain exactly what it was.

Hope you are doing better. No contact is hard, but having peace is worth the endurance 🙂