Editor’s note: Caroline Parsons is an attorney from Queensland, Australia. Today she explains how abusive family court cross-examination affects people who are already traumatized. Learn more about Caroline Parsons on the Lovefraud Announcements page or in her author profile.
By Caroline Parsons, Esq.
In 2019 the Australian family law act was amended so that perpetrators of family violence can no longer cross-examine their ex-partners in court. Instead cross-examination must now be conducted by a legal representative of the party.
This is a great step forward in the fight to protect family violence survivors from being re-traumatised. But does it go far enough?
Family violence and the brain
It’s increasingly acknowledged that victims of repetitive interpersonal abuse are prone to “amygdala hijack.” This means that the area of the brain in which the fight or flight reaction is housed overtakes the area of the brain responsible for logic and judgment. Survival reactions may also include freezing or “friending” the threat source.
Barristers in cross-examination often use techniques which can trigger an amygdala hijack – in particular, aggression, humiliation and confusion. Once hijacked, a victim of complex trauma (already struggling to remember details of family violence incidents) will be unable to give cogent evidence.
Rather than providing logical answers to questions in cross-examination, the witness’ access to memory is impaired and they will respond in a reflexive mode which may be considered evasive (flight), combative (fight), unresponsive (freeze) or untrue and designed only to placate the cross-examiner (friend).
Abusive family court cross-examination
The Australian evidence act obliges the court to actively disallow questions in cross-examination which are unduly aggressive, humiliating or confusing. Or questions which are repeated (harassing), sarcastic or personally targeting the victim’s vulnerabilities.
However, many judges may be unaware of the particular threat these types of questions pose to a vulnerable victim of family violence. These questions, and the manner in which they are delivered, may mirror the abuse the witness received at the hands of their ex-spouse, and cause the witness to be re-traumatised.
If you are facing cross-examination in family court proceedings in Australia or elsewhere, you may wish to practice meditation or other calming techniques beforehand (mindfulness is a useful tool to combat the amygdala hijack). Once in court, try to listen fully to each question, take a breath and slow down the pace before answering.
I explain all of these strategies in detail in my webinar, Take back your throne: Reclaim your power in family court cross-examination. If you will be facing an abuser in court, I invite you to check it out.
If it all possible, bring a supportive friend or family member with you to court. When you start to feel overwhelmed during family court cross-examination, they can act as a constant to anchor you in the present. They will also help remind you that you’re not alone.
“People say sticks and stones may break your bones, but names can never hurt you, but that’s not true. Words can hurt. They hurt me.” Demi Lovato
This article was originally printed at Solo-Legal.com. Reprinted with permission from the author.
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This hit a chord with me: “access to memory is impaired and they will respond in a reflexive mode which may be considered evasive (flight), combative (fight), unresponsive (freeze) or untrue and designed only to placate the cross-examiner (friend).” It helps explain why it was so hard for me to get my words out at times, especially when confronted with someone who obviously was set to discredit or disbelieve me, or who asked questions in an accusatory or belittling manner. I always thought it was becuase I don’t handle conflict and confrontation well – that I was shy and timid. Now I realize I had been “trained” to shut down. My ex husband (a emotionally abusive alcoholic), never allowed me to be right, yelled at me if I argued, accused me of distrusting him if I asked questions. If I persisted he would break something I cherished – a figurine, a pretty dish. He once threw a plate of spaghetti at me when I asked why he was so late getting home. I quickly learned to stay quiet. And for many, many years I would react to anyone talking to me in a certain tone or volume by freezing up. I still have issues with this, but have learned to quiet the fears and demons. You are right — taking a deep breath, pausing before reacting, being aware of the emotions churning inside and taking a moment to soothe them — all help. It took some therapy and a lot of practice, but now I can calmly react when someone is confrontational. And yes, words can cut deeper than knives- and the pain lasts a lot longer.
Emilie – yes, there is a physical trauma reaction that prevents us from thinking and acting when we have to. It’s important for people to know this. There is a reason why we can’t respond in some situations, and this is it.
Thanks so much for sharing Emilie. Your post shows great self-awareness. Do you find you’re triggered less and less these days? It means you’re able to emotionally regulate. Surrounding yourself with loving people and practising self-care will help heal all the harm your ex caused.
I still get triggered but now I know what that feels like and choose to not react in my “old” way – by hiding my true emotions and placating my abuser. And it helps to have a gentleman in my life that is actually a good guy!