Asperger’s syndrome protected me from my sociopath ex-fiancé

Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader in the Middle East, whom we’ll call Neoxes. English is not his first language, so his story has been edited for clarity. Neoxes has Asperger’s syndrome, which he believes helps him to identify sociopathic predators. He says Asperger’s syndrome protected him from a marriage to a sociopath.

I’m 41 years old and I have Asperger Syndrome! I can say I’m successful in my life and job. I think this syndrome is a gift for me.

Four years ago, when I was 37, I met a 27-year-old girl. My goal was marriage and to have a family so it was important for me that I can be married to a girl of the same or near to my status.

On the first day that I met her, I said clearly, “I have my home, I have my car, I have good job…etc.,” and asked her to clarify her own assets. I told her that LOVE is not my first priority, it’s my second. She said directly to my eyes, “I have my own home, car and I’m jewelry designer” (she showed me her work via internet), and YES she was good at her job.

Spending time together

After we first met, we decided to share time to understand and talk to each other to see if this relationship is win-win for both of us or not. We decided to have a 1-year relationship, no more.

For more or less 13-14 months we were together. Every day we had text messages and sometimes we had conservation on mobile for 1-2 hours, too. Also we met weekends, usually 2-3 pm to 8-9 pm. We went together to lots of places in the city like national park, cinema, mall, coffee shop, restaurant,…etc.

Quiz: Are you a target?

We went to different restaurants 40 times or more. I always drove my car to pick her up from her parents’ home and bring her back too. Never she came to me with her car and only one time she paid restaurant check because of her birthday. I can say she had experience and manipulated me to show her value is more than restaurant fees!

I realized she was lying

After 3-4 months I realized she was lying, but the lies were small and really not important when I compared them to how she looked in my mind and eyes! Because of she was housewife sexy, charming, polite, always said yes or had ideas like mine. She was on time and really she was like angel.

During our relationship I realized her body language is slow but lovely. Also she was lazy even to warm up food when we were on a picnic while I’m doing other things. Seems she waited until I came back to warm up food, but she had extra energy in walking with me! This was more than her physically capacity so I thought, she has extra energy for walking but does not have energy even for simple warm up food?!

Also I realized while we walking, her breathing is so smooth too. It seems her breathing cycle was different from normal person. She was so relaxed all times and no stress, even when we were close to a car accident!

She makes me happy

After 5-6 months, I find myself in a unique relationship with extra advantages that she had and can give to me. I introduce her to my family and friends that she is my wife, the person who makes me happy and I love her so much. Also she showed me she is happy to have me too. I’d like to be married soon with her if possible, but our goal was be married after 1 year.

After 10 months I realized that she was lying, some stupid lies and some big lies too. Also she started wanting things from me, like renovating my home! But she never saw my home.

These things slowly turned on my mind lamp that maybe she is not to be trusted like she said. After this10 months, I was of two minds about her — is what she saying true or she is liar? Half of her words were 100% true, while the other half was foggy!!!

Meeting her family

After 12-13 months her family invited me to their home. I bought a big and beautiful bunch of flowers and went to her parents’ home.

Her dad stayed in front of the door and in the first contact, especially eye to eye, I just felt I met with the devil. While he was a very charming man and I recognized that a lot of woman want and like this type of man, he was older than her daughter 25-30 years. But because of his eyes I do not feel comfortable when I first met with him.

After I went inside I understood that her dad is controlling everything, even our relationship! He directly said to me, sit in front me. I accepted to show him my respect, because my love’s dad is same as my own dad too. But after a while I felt so uncomfortable that I said, the weather is hot, if possible I would like to sit near the air conditioner. This was beside her dad. After a while I feel the home has negative energy after I see around myself. I wanted to escape from this home, from these eyes and people.

I love her but I do not like her parent! Her younger brother was like her dad, too, just her mom was a bit normal. I felt the mother had pain during her talk with me and she was not happy with my fiancé dad!!! She did not say directly anything, but I just felt it.

The bad phone call

After 2-3 days my sociopath fiancé sent a message to me that her dad would like to talk with me by phone. I accepted and around 10 pm he called me.

He said, “You should give half of your home officially to my daughter. Also we want you to do home renovations and renew all appliances and” …etc.

I was just in shock! I said, “Who said I should give and do things for you? Who said your daughter wants to come to my home and live in here?!”

Now he is in shock too! Seems my fiancé has said lies to her parents too. Then I continue that it’s impossible your daughter can come to my home!!! We should to do all things half-half. We go to buy a new home and appliances too. I pay 50% and you should pay 50% too.

Now he became silent! I said to him, when I first met your daughter I said and made clear that I’m seeking to meet a girl who has assets so people like you as her father do not ask me for stupid things! I do not like buy a wife and I’m not her servant to do and buy things for her. I want to be married with someone who has the same as my value, do you understand?

Our total conservation was less than 10 mins and was very bad. Our relationship was over and never they called me again.

I heard she married and I think he is a rich man that fell into their trap.

Asperger syndrome protected me

I think my Asperger Syndrome and self-protection helped me to escape this wrong relationship. I can say a sociopath really is not able to love, because when my ex sociopath fiancé understood that she cannot take my money, she never ever called me again and left me alone! And this was good for me.

I can say they are like a droid that copies emotions and passes them to you and really they have the experience to do that.

I can inform you that their eyes are opaque, dead, empty. Their breathing cycle is different from ours, it seems like no breathing. They are more relaxed and not stressed like normal humans. They make you feel amazing when they are beside you. BEWARE.

Learn more: FREE! The Basics — Love fraud and how to avoid it

This can help you to identify a sociopath around yourself more easily and quickly. They are and have experience manipulating and lying. This usually takes time to find out and maybe you find yourself in their trap! So detect them without spending time to realize their lies and manipulation.