Editor’s Note: Eleanor Cowan, author of “A History of a Pedophile’s Wife” and a Lovefraud contributor, has just published her new book, “Codependents Awake.” Through 12 intimate, sometimes painful, and often hopeful short stories, Eleanor Cowan explores the patterns that keep people bound to harmful relationships, the moments that bring those patterns into view, and the courage required to begin living differently.
Why I Wrote Codependents Awake
By Eleanor Cowan
One morning in July 2026, I found myself thinking about Mia, a young woman who had given me a lift home from an art group the night before. Halfway through the drive, she told me she admired my peacefulness and thought I might be someone she could turn to for advice.
I said I would be happy to listen and share my thoughts.
Mia began to tell me, with heartfelt urgency, about the love of her life. They laughed together, cried together, and adored each other. “I know, absolutely know,” she said, “that we are meant to be together.”
As we drew closer to my home, I waited. Then she added, “It’s just that he sometimes uses drugs.” She spoke at length about their unique and profound love and why she wanted to stand by him.
One of the most important things I’ve learned is that, although other people can offer vital support, each of us must do the heavy lifting in our own lives. I didn’t want to tell Mia what to do. Instead, I told her a true story about someone who had stood solidly by her man for 18 years. The story offered no instructions, but whenever I told it, it seemed to land with impact.
Mia listened. She asked if I minded if she lit a cigarette, then listened some more. Finally, she said only, “No way. I didn’t see that coming.” She stubbed out her cigarette and drove off. I had given her my number and welcomed her to call, but I haven’t heard from her again. I hope she’s okay.
Months later, it occurred to me that I’m 78 now, and my clock is ticking—peacefully, I’m glad to say. But for someone in the midst of heartbreak, every hour can pound painfully urgent. I wanted these true stories preserved so they might offer perspective when most needed by someone who is trying to make sense of a painful relationship, while leaving that person free to decide what to do.
I wrote this in the preface to Codependents Awake:
I have heard many heartbreaking stories. Many believed they had found the love they had always longed for. Yet often, alongside that love, was a much older wound seeking healing. What seemed like destiny often carried an echo from the past, pleading to be understood and healed. Again and again, these stories gave pause to the heartbroken. They invited a new question: What if this relationship is not merely offering me love, but also inviting me to understand something important within myself?
In many cases, that courageous inquiry led people to make wiser decisions on their own behalf. Some relationships ended. Others deepened. In both cases, healing opened the door to genuine happiness.
That is why I wrote Codependents Awake: to leave these stories where someone like Mia might find one at the moment she needs it.
I’m grateful to Donna Andersen for having always welcomed my stories to Lovefraud over the years, and for inviting me to share why I wrote this book.
Codependents Awake is available on Amazon.com and Audible.com
Read Eleanor Cowan’s articles for Lovefraud
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