By December 14, 2011 47 Comments Read More →

A Bridge to Hope

Editor’s note: The following article refers to spiritual concepts. Please read Lovefraud’s statement on Spiritual Recovery.

This is the second in a series of 6 postings on spiritual healing that will attempt to Make Sense of these encounters with sociopaths and present the process that literally turns these painful experiences into Miracles of Healing.

“There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguments and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance – that principle is contempt prior to investigation”

-Herbert Spencer-

The Bridge of Hope

Forgive is one of the most misunderstood words in the English language. In fact, many people recoil at the very thought of forgiving someone that they believe has harmed them.  The act of forgiveness does not release the perpetrator or sociopath from responsibility for their crimes, nor condone the behavior. Forgiveness is about Letting Go, a process that releases US from another’s destructive hold over our lives.

Refusing to be open-minded about the “possible” healing power of forgiveness only strengthens the sociopaths hold over our lives and poisons every relationship that we are in.

Based on previous experience, some will find this particular reading extremely difficult to accept and understand, but open-mindedness is all that is needed to learn the Truth.

Many of us understand why forgiveness is important and the profound affects that it can have on our lives and the lives of those around us, but few know how to do it. Most, however, know very little about the sometimes devastating physical illnesses and damaged relationships that are caused by our inability to let go of the past.

For most of us, the real meaning and power of forgiveness (letting go) is completely foreign.  We “think” we know, but we do not.  True forgiveness is Divine.  Grace is promised to us all from our Creator.

If we are to begin to understand the miraculous healing power of forgiveness, we must first be willing to at least entertain this idea that our creator can help us with this process.  A simple willingness to believe is all that’s needed to begin.

God is either everything, or he is nothing.  This is the question that we all must answer for ourselves.  For many, this step becomes the first real attempt to answer the question of God within themselves.  You will not need anyone else’s opinion of God for this exercise, only an open mind and willing heart.  He will do the rest if you ask, and then you will know.

We often use our very denial of God as proof that He does not exist.  We have little or no real Faith in God’s power, then, we use our experience to convince ourselves he does not exist.  Or worse yet, that He does exist, but doesn’t care about “me”.

Wherever there is despair, depression, anger, resentment, and fear, you will find a lack of Faith.  We are not talking about the surface Faith that pretends to believe in God, but the deep peace that comes from trusting God.  Faithlessness is not the result of these human difficulties, but rather the cause.

The Truth is in us, and when we hear it, we recognize it as Truth.  We may choose to deny Truth, but our hearts will always know.  This process helps us begin to trust this inner Devine wisdom and allows us to be guided through the healing process that results in a relationship with God that we never imagined possible.

Seek and You Shall Find, Ask and It Shall be Given You, is one of the promises.  God will never deny us Truth, but if we avoid asking the question, we can deny the answer.

Freedom from the past requires that we first surrender to what already is.   Then, we must become willing to acknowledge that there is a power greater than ourselves that can free us from this suffering.

This can be a difficult task for those of us that believe God has “allowed” a sociopath to harm us.  If we are refusing to let go of something and judging it as wrong, while claiming to believe in God, then we are conflicted, and in most cases, secretly blaming Him for whatever we think has harmed us.

For most of us, we must first recognize that we have begun to view God as the enemy, before we can become willing to see Him as the answer to the problems that we “thought” He was causing.

This is a question for quiet prayer and meditation.  A willingness to do this will give you the answer to this question.  An unwillingness to try this exercise will also answer the question prior to asking.  The Truth will always be revealed when we ask.  Failure to ask is simply a reflection of unwillingness to seek Truth.

If you are not yet convinced, you may want to sit quietly and ask God in prayer if He loves you, and if he will help you with this process before moving on.

Find a place where you can be alone uninterrupted for a few minutes.  If possible, find a place outdoors that is peaceful and quiet, or, try to imagine a beautiful, lush green garden surrounded by trees.  Sit peacefully in the middle of the Garden.  Try to quiet your mind by focusing on your breathing.  Ask God for help as you take nice, long, deep controlled breathes through your nose deep into your body while you attempt to clear your thoughts.

Ask this question or one similar.

“Father, do you love me and are you here to help me overcome my difficulties?”

Sit as quietly and as long as you possibly can, or until the answer is felt to your satisfaction.  This may only take a few minutes, or it may take longer.  When your mind wanders, simply ask the question again.

Next week we’ll discuss how to begin to Trust this new relationship and process.


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47 Comments on "A Bridge to Hope"

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Thank you Travis. I know that as I was going through my own personal nightmare with the sociopath, I begged, pleaded and demanded answers from God. Why did this happen to me? I did not deserve it!

The answer turned out to be, as you state, letting go. It took some time, and some serious emotional processing, but after the releasing all that happened, I was able to find true peace, love and joy in my life.

Travis, I agree that forgiveness is instrumental to our complete healing. Having been taught though, that forgiveness ALSO meant that we had to “pretend that the injury never happened” or that the person did not intentionally harm us, even though we knew otherwise, and even if the person continued to harm us.

Gaslighting at its worst!

However, once I was removed from the false teaching of my egg donor’s “forgive means pretend it didn’t happen” I realized that even the Bible does not teach the “pretend it didn’t happen” doctrine.

Taking the story of “Joseph of the coat of many colors” as an example, it shows that restoration of TRUST does not necessarily go along with forgiveness.

Joseph, sold into slavery by his jealous brothers as a teenager, had grown into a man in Egypt and had risen from being a slave to being second in command in the entire kingdom, second only to the pharaoh. During a famine, his brothers came to Egypt to buy grain, and as the man in charge of all the grain sales, he recognized his brothers, and he had already forgiven them, but in the decades since he had seen them, he didn’t know what kind of men they had grown to be, so decided to TEST them before he revealed himself to them as their brother.

Because he had absolute power in Egypt, he had evidence of theft planted on them and then had them searched and the false evidence found, he required them to return home and bring back their youngest brother to confirm their story of having a younger brother at home. That brother, Benjamin, was his only full sibling and was since his own “death” years before the only child left to his father from his mother.

The hunger eventually drove the brothers back to Egypt with the younger Benjamin in tow, and again they bought grain and again Joseph planted evidence in Benjamin’s grain sack that showed theft, then sent soldiers to find the evidence. He pretended to be angry and was going to “imprison” Benjamin. The other brothers, knowing that the loss of Benjamin would send their father to his grave in sorrow now, instead of being Jealous of Benjamin, offered to become a slave in his stead.

Now, Joseph knew that his brothers had matured, and that they had repented of the evil they had done when they had sold him into slavery, and showed his blood soaked coat to his father as evidence of his “death.”

Joseph had long ago gotten the bitterness out of his heart toward his brothers for what they did to him, and as it turned out, it ended up being a blessing for the family to save them from starvation during the long famine. Joseph surprised his brothers and told them who he was, and sent them back to fetch his father and their families with wagons and food, to bring the entire family to safety.

Reading this story without the prejudicial teachings of my egg donor, let me see that the Bible did not demand that forgiveness also be restoration of trust without proof that the trust was justified.

That enabled me to truly LET GO of the pain of the injury, to get the bitterness out of my heart, though with most of these people I would never be able to restore trust to them again, or have a loving relationship because, unlike Joseph’s brothers, they had not changed. They had not repented. They were not sorry for what they had done.

Holding on to bitterness is, I think, like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die.

IMHO… the reason people have trouble forgiving unconscionable aggressions is because it “goes against nature”.
I DO NOT think it is natural to forgive EVIL. I do think it is beneficial to “let go” of the hurt. You can “let go” of the hurt without “forgiving it” by understanding it. I think (I know this is very controversial) that a belief in god just complicates everything.
The truth, “as I see it” is:
1)There are EVIL people who desire to target us for harm.
2)They were successful.
3)We learned about EVIL.
4)We are now smarter (i.e., learned) and recognize signs to help us avoid EVIL.
God is not a part of this equation!

Hi Travis,
I think we are always attracted to sociopaths . . if they are good at their craft (i.e., manipulation,charm,deceit . . spinning a dream etc) . . it is normal to be attracted to them. We have learned to:
1) spot signs
2) wait . . . wait . . . and wait some more
3) research them
4) not make excuses for them
5) acknowledge our vulnerability
which makes us smarter, so that we are NOT taken in
by their manipulation (charm, deceit etc).
In my case anyway, god was not involved.
A miracle is just something we don’t understand at the moment. (Years ago cell phones would have been considered a miracle)

i just told myself when i was going through the abuse he did to me that god was testing me to see how strong i was. and that it was for a good reason. and he would reveal why he tested me so hard, eventually.

Sarah999- I ALSO agree that forgiving evil goes against nature. For me, the hardest thing about my experience was the fact that my S “got away with it” and no justice was done. I tried a couple of revenge tactics but just as everyone here on LF said, they came back to haunt me and I was made to look like a petty, vindictive, jilted woman. I am a firm believer in God and I do believe miracles can happen; however, it’s just hard for me to swallow the fact that while I’m living on this earth, people can be so evil and justice may not happen…but possibly in some afterlife. Right now I am trying to convince myself that my experience will make me a better person and I’m trying to come to grips with the fact that I played a big part in my misery. It’s just that I’ve become very bitter and I pray that I’ll revert back to the person I use to be, but I know that takes time. Anyway, just wanted you to know that you presented a very logical argument 🙂

I think, when we leave them (i.e., No Contact) we have gotten even. We have taken away their nourishment (us), and their control, and they are forced to look elsewhere to satisfy their demented desires.
They will not pine, they will just go on to make someone else miserable. It’s the most we can hope for . . . but . . . consider this . . . they have no soul, they are incapable of love, all they have is WINNING (i.e., power,control). . They are empty shells without love or conscience.
They have already been punished, but they’re too disordered to know it. But we know it, and we can strive to go on to live a good life with love and compassion, and the knowledge of EVIL and how to steer clear of it.

Travis, thank you for pointing towards the light. This is what I needed to hear just now. Your first article also helped me with the idea of surrendering to what I can not change, ever, in any way, that I am indeed simply powerless over what happened while growing up with my Borderline sociopathic unloving and angry father.

I am jobless at the moment, speaking with my parents (always on speakerphone these days), my dad brushes off my struggle, no empathy and just announces yeah you need a job. In an instant, all my childhood hurt surfaces, the trigger is still there. I had let my guard down, I became the victim again.

We have the choice to turn to God. We have the gift of the choice to let go, surrender, forgive and detach from our past. Your story is a miracle and I am grateful I am able to find such inspiring words now, when I need them most.

The news of my recent encounter with the female S. was shared here earlier at Lovefraud. After this “escape” and the recent job loss (an “escape” from a hostile S. boss) I am still working to pick myself up and not fall into my old patterns. I know what these are. I know I am lost if I become isolated, NOT just from others who can and will love me but much more importantly FROM GOD, from my faith and from my heart.

Oh how difficult it has been to talk with God and ask the question you are placing in front of us. (I didn’t realize until recently I had held things against God, and denied Him the chance to work through me). I believe you are right, indeed, we do not know the purpose and will of God.

Instead, we can choose to let go of our fear, distrust, hurt and sit quietly and face ourselves up to this Higher Power and return to the faith and love we might have had once as innocent children of God, for underneath all this, that is exactly what we are. We are embraced, we are loved, we are valued and we have purpose. These other dark experiences should not keep us from knowing and experiencing this. Thank you again for the sign post you have planted here and the love in which you have surrendered this.



I guess I have a lot of difficulty with God these days. I asked him to send me the man he wanted me to have and I got the Bad Man. The Bad Man was a former Minister. At one point, early in the relationship, I actually thought that our meeting was set up by divine intervention (and maybe it was)… but these days, I don’t ask God for anything.

I have been struggling with hope for years now. Hope is not safe for me. So, I don’t hope for anything. I only plan and follow plans but hopes and dreams have never been recovered post Bad Man.

Looking back, I made such a spectacular face plant for a total fake “man of my dreams” that it is hard for me to take seriously any notion of love. I am love averse. I hate love songs, any representations of love, weddings, people living their dreams… I just can’t go there.. perhaps ever again. It’s going on 7 years and I really don’t date or put myself out there.

And God? No, I don’t even know what to talk to God about. I don’t talk to him anymore.

I know I can be upbeat and funny sometimes but underneath it all, is no hope. I am getting close to a goal… finishing Grad School in May.. but I have felt sadness creeping in. Once I am no longer buried in books, I will have to admitt that there is nothing but a degree and some broken dreams.

Anyway, not having a good day here, I guess. I am just writer to space…………


I do have a problem with my relationship with God due to being raised and tortured by a female Sociopath (suppose to be my mother maybe not biological).

How many times was I put in situations were I thought I was going to suffocate to death? When I was a young child she pushed me into a refrigerator and closed the door because she couldn’t stand the fact that I look like my biological father or as a way of punishment forced me into her husband’s Navy trunk as a way of punishment because I had found out a lie she was convincing everyone was the truth (gee I had a knack for stumbling into the truths she so diabolically was hiding). I hadn’t even known then what I had discovered at those times were proofs she was lying. Or one time when she held me under water while I was taking a bath as she proceeded to tell me because I told her a strange women who was hurling threats at me during a bike ride which scared the crap out of me (Must of been the age 7 or 8 years old ) so she tells me my father killed the woman (no he hadn’t).

This is only some of the horrors (believe you don’t want to know what else she had done) I was forced to endure and have open wounds to this very day over.
I walk right into abuse relationships within the work place and my own personal relationships.
I’m tired and sometimes believe I must have been an evil person in my other life however; therapist tells me no because if I was bad then these very sick illegal acts that were done to me would have forced me into a sociopath and I’m not (cursed with empathy for others).

Yes I pray for God’s help in my relationship with him and to help me heal. I want a peaceful life and have been working on deprogramming from the curse this woman has put on me. Sorry but I hope she goes to hell.

Do have to comment that the hard work I have done with a therapist (treats PTSD). I have now learned some of the very fundamental ques and skills to deal with sociopaths and bullies. Just fought my way out of a dating relationship that immediately became verbally abusive this guy also liked playing games with reality too. I just for some reason attract these nut cases to me.

It is God who kept me sane and to not give up through suicide. God knows of the sick secrets I had kept close and dissociated from just to survive my daily existence with the Sociopath while I was trying to exist within my childhood years.
I also believe that God’s hand is in the healing process of my memory returning and also aiding me to get out of abusive relationships and the strength to not go back to it.
I had and have to still learn to love myself and believe worthy. I have to believe these people are not the norm but part of sick side of our race.

In time health professional will be able to locate the gene that is involved to create a psychopath.
I do believe God has a plan for them when these evil sick individuals do get judged by the True Judge. I first as a child cried out to God for help and of utter confusion and as my memory was allowed to return I cried justice so many times. Learning that God believes and saw all that had taken place and she cannot charm or lie her way out of her court appearance with God.

to ‘Raised by sociopath’. thanks for sharing, it helps me to heal.
not to speak about God, I think about other people – why did not anyone come to help me in this long years -are they all so blind? or they are evil, too? Do they experience pleasure of observing how one is suffering? How can I trust them now?

marcyII says:
i just told myself when i was going through the abuse he did to me that god was testing me to see how strong i was. and that it was for a good reason. and he would reveal why he tested me so hard, eventually.

Amen sister! God will never give us more than we can handle – even if we don’t believe or feel that we are strong enough to get through and let go – God knows we are. Trust in Him. Then Thank Him for believing in you.


I’m sorry – I also wanted to tell Travis that this was beautifully written. Thank you so much! And once again, will look forward to your next post.


Raised –

I am so sorry to hear about how you were raised. I know that doesn’t take things away, but still my heart goes out to you.
I can thoroughly understand how you could question the existance of God and even the forgiving/letting go.
But please remember that not everyone is like that – you just got the short ended stick when they drew. And also remember that all that happened did not happen overnight and so the healing will take time as well – please be patient with yourself.
I’m also glad to hear that you are in therapy, and I hope that through time this will help you.
You are in a safe place here –

I reallly pray you can come to understand the plan for you on your journey – INMHO I think it means that you actually one of the stronger ones if you can still comprehend what has happened to you, and understand that you need help getting past it.
For that – I think you deserve a big TOWANDA!

Chuck passed away on Saturday afternoon Christmas Eve.

It was a bit of a shock to arrive Friday afternoon to find out I was taking the next shift as caregiver. Chuck’s son gave me the quick drill on what Chuck can eat and about Chuck’s condition. Chuck was mobile until Friday. He was bed ridden during my visit until he passed away Saturday early afternoon.

I felt any anger towards him melt away. I had to take care of him. There is something healing in taking care of a person no matter how much they wronged you. Of course it helped that Chuck was not complaining in these last few days. (I couldn’t have taken care of someone if they were bitching and complaining at me. )

It gave me perspective about my prior relationship with Chuck. He was an engineer at work and was an engineer at home. He believed that a man provides a roof over your head and that’s it. Did he mean to be abusive? Well, yeah. He knew better. I wasn’t exactly “kept”. I paid the expenses. He paid the mortgage and property taxes.

Forgiving doesn’t mean being naive about what happened and it doesn’t mean frosting over what happened. It just simply means I don’t hold anger towards him anymore.

I can still have frustration in why did he trick me into moving-in just to have a maid service at his house? He could have paid someone to do that service. It was too casual with regarding me and my kids.

Chuck did try to make up for this. But, it doesn’t change that I used to have a house. I went down in life after his relationship. I now live in a mobile home.

Happy Easter everyone!!
Thank you for the post Travis….


I just now saw your post about Chuck passing away and you taking care of him. I’m sorry that it turned out like that, but glad that you made peace with the situation. Coming to PEACE with the situation, however we achieve that is what we need to do. glad you were able to come to peace. God bless.

Happy easter to you too Coping!

Jeannie, I also missed your post until just now.
I’m sorry for your loss, but glad you reconciled with the past.

Hi Coping, how’s Jr? Did the Easter Bunny drop by?

(((skylar & ox))) and all,
Yes the Easter bunny did come and it was awesome!!! Jr. Was still a little young but he did love collecting the eggs. I bought the big plastic eggs and put little ones inside. It reminded me of those russin dolls that you open up only to discover another surprise inside… Lol… Everytime he found one it was as if it was all new again. You should have seen him with his little basket.. Putting them in and pulling them out again.
I stuck to my guns/boundaries and had an Easter I was happy with and jr. Loved.
I have to get back to work.. I got allot of hours this week so I need to take advantage since I love zero next week.
Allot has happened and I’m working on an email to you guys and Donna. Hopefully I can have the time next week to get it out.
Take care.


Hi Guys….weak time for me.
I think I came here to write and cry.
I’m angry!!!
He’s moving gaga to my town. The rush to the wedding is on…..and they are coming here….RIGHT HERE!
The reason is……to pick up his old life….with a new family.
He was harassing my clients last week during his visit.
He was harassing and stalking Jr last week.
I’ve felt anxious all day…..my eyes twitching and I’m pissed!
I want to control this….and stop him from moving here….but I don’t think I can.
I’ve had all kinds of thoughts today.
I just need to let off steam……I feel foggy and pent up.
I’ve worked so hard to rebuild…..and he’s going to be fucking back!!!! as he stated…..to stir it up.

This can’t be healthy for me……I’m afraid.
I’ve been non productive all week.
I can’t be like this.
I have to find a balance.
My stomach hurts.

I know there will be few who greet him with open arms.
There are always the ‘few’.
A few is enough for him to validate himself to do whatever he’s planning.

I called a friend tonight……and she’s was indifferent…….I needed support. She couldn’t wait to get off the phone. She was mostly silent the whole time. I felt degraded. What a friend.

everyone else is sick of hearing this, I get this……yet it continues.

Can one person who is so fucking sick of hearing about this explain to me the fucking logical reason he’s coming back to town?????? It’s a VERY small town.
Can one of those people please look at the reality and not walk away??!?!?!?!

What reason is this occuring?
I have to look for the reason…….

Sorry folks…..not strong at the moment.


Because he feels he can? Seems to me he wants to be right in your face.

I’m sorry 🙁

Yep…..right in our face.
He wants to attempt to sink the ship he couldn’t the first time.
I feel like i’m exploding…….I haven’t felt this sorta anger in so very long…….
I hate him…..I fucking hate him.
He’s ammo’d up……and coming back for more…..
Do I have the steam to fight…..longer……
Right now I just want him to die!!!!!!!
I want every and any bad thing to happen to him……that ever was bad on this earth.
Why do good people die and they can keep hurting people……triggering this anxiety and PTSD.
I feel like i was dragged back 4 years…..back into the trenches.
I am so foggy that i can’t even plot a strategy.

Today I felt as if I should just give into him…..invite him into our lives…..fake it…..just to keep my enemy close…..
I know I can’t do this…..it’s absurd.
But I just want peace.

thanks for responding DM……..I’m lost at this moment.
I’m hoping the tears will relieve this turmoil swirling inside my body.

I feel like I’m breaking.


Wow, why would he do this other than he is just a BASTARD!! Can you move again?? I know it’s probably not feasible, but just wondering if it’s a possibility.


I’d say I can’t imagine how you feel, but I CAN imagine how you feel! Him moving back into your safe place, into your life, and you feeling threatened (and with good reason) and the friend who couldn’t wait to get off the phone. Yea, some friend! another betrayal, maybe she can throw gaga and the pervert druggie a shower for their wedding!

The eye twitching, btw is from lack of sleep.

But EB look at the positive side of this…oldest junior is DEFINITELY SURE which side of the fence he is on now. If nothing else that is the BEST and BIGGEST positive thing that you could have asked for.

Secondly, your clients, none of them fell for his attempt to hoodwink them. So right there the TWO biggest worries about your folks falling for his fake carp are over. The most important people in your lives are SOLIDLY on your side and you KNOW it firmly.

The rest of the people (the fake folks) what the fark do you care what they think? If they cuddle up to the druggie arse hole what do you care?

ps. he won’t stay in your town long EB…he’s been in what 5 states so far? Plus the cops won’t like him, and they already have his number so he may think it is safe for him to move back now, but I can just about guarrantee it isn’t. The cops down think he has “changed” and reformed (they know better) and you don’t so he is gonna have to move on very soon.

I would not want to live in your town if you hated me as much as you do him, so believe me, he won’t be there long.

And YES, YOU DO HAVE THE STRENGTH! YOU ARE THE SPATHINATOR!!!!! (((hugs))) from your biggest fan!

Oh Thank you….Oxy! Words of encouragement are what i needed.
I called the DV hotline just to vent. I didn’t want to hear, get a security system, alert the police yadyada…..I’ve been dealing with this for 6 friggen years- I get that, I’ve done all that, I just feel weak at the moment. I just wanted someone to listen.
Yeah…..my gf said, I’ll call ya tomorrow…..OH I”LL HOLD MY BREATH!!!!

I am tired……I am weak today……I am not the EB fighter…..I’m tired!!!!!!

Louise~ I have wrestled with this all along, moving…..and I stood my ground. I need to get my mojo back and my fuck you attitude and BOWL HIM OVER!!!!!
I don’t want to move, because I DON”T want to move.
I want to make my own decisions, not have HIM make them for me……..
Besides, i’ll still own this place…….and then he’d do property damage to it.
He’ll always cause problems…….I just have to remember this!

I’ve got to get stronger……find my adamant tomorrow.
Thank god one day like today is only 24 hours!!!!!
Tomorrow will be so good I’ll wish it was 48!!!!

Balance EB…..balance!!!

It’s 2AM and I just woke up. dang!
Anyway EB, I thought this MOFO had warrants out for his arrest? No? Well then use this to your advantage.
He’s in your backyard give him some rope.

Here’s an interesting thing about spaths. They always behave in the same way. They are predictable.
You can even TELL them that you’ll give them rope and they’ll still TAKE the rope and hang themselves. It’s astonishing. They are like sisyphus, condemned to do the same things over and over and over again. They can’t help themselves. Such is the power of anything we suppress into the subconscious.

I want you to re-read the story of Seemona Sumasar, the woman who was raped and then framed, which Donna has linked to. It really is so classic and it tells you how they are expected to act. Take notes. Google it and read all the variations. It’s too educational to miss.

I’m sorry this is happening now, but you are strong and you are ready. He will hang himself.

EB, I am so sorry to read about all of this – I cannot imagine what you’re going through. Remembering my own anxiety, I can only imagine the level that you’re experiencing.

The police are aware of the RO and what he is. Keep in touch with them whenever you can. If there’s someone on the force that has earned your trust, keep THEM in the loop of information. Alert everyone to what’s happening so that word will spread throughout the network.

Is there any legal means to have him Court Ordered to stay away from clients, etc.? I know that it’s a headache, but you need protection and so does your ability to earn a living!

Big hugs to you, EB – feeling “weak” is quite normal when we’re slapped in the face with more spath B.S.

Brightest protective blessings to you, EB.

EB, I am not aware of your FULL story, but the little I’ve read sounds alarming, and I’m sorry for what you are going through. I also know that you are a very tough cookie.

Standing your ground and not moving sounds like the right thing for you to do.

I understand your weariness of it all. Find a way to soak up some energy/strength so you don’t feel so depleted. Interactions with spaths are SO depleting.

Maybe watching some particular types of movies would help enervate you. I don’t know what those would be. For some reason, Lord of the Rings pops into my mind — don’t know why, but I’m passing it along just in case it means anything.

Thank you thank you thank you! All!!!!
I just responded and lost the dang post. UGH!
I needed the energy to refuel. Not quite there yet….but feeling better today!
He should be served sometime over the weekend…..if gaga is as toxic as she’s appearing……it’ll for sure make them move here!
I’m going to try to escape from his grasp today and get some much needed work done today. Things i’ve put off with paralyzing fear.
I just needed strength last night…..and you all were here!
Thank you so very much.
I’ll be back tonight.

It’s just so wearing…….I was removed from his slime……and now it’s on my front door. It’s just wearing.
I’ve got to be more slimier than him……and have better endurance……and NOT let it show.
Hold my head high, smile and go out into my community a martyr!
UGH…….I just want to be me, I just want my kids to be them…..I don’t want to hide from him in MY TOWN!!!!


You know what makes me laugh about this situation? He hasn’t figured it out by now that you are going to kick his dumb ass! He’s an IDIOT!

I know it from sitting behind a computer screen, yet it doesn’t dawn on his marble head that you kicked it before and now ya going to do it again! HA!

Stay safe and many, many blessings to you and yours.

Yea, EB….I remember you talking about how he told Junior that he’d had a dream about you being brutally raped….and all that other fark he was spewing….he has a plan all right but he doesn’t know the NEW EB, only the old e b that had cancer and had a stroke and that he was able to fark over and over and over. He does not know th eNEW EB SPATHINATOR who goes to the gun range with junior and teaches him how to shoot who has her little friend and the courage to use it if necessary.

I think when he gets served with the OOP he may realize that you are serious, but he wont’ realize JUST HOW SERIOUS YOU ARE, or how STRONG you are now.

Sure we all have a melt down night once in a while, but we come back with our ADAMANT and are stronger than ever! TOWANDA Girl friend! You are gonna be the winner! (((hugs))) and God bless.


EB – i second and third Oxy’s and Ana’s words of wisdom. YOU have it going on, and he won’t stick long. Breath. I am sure you will come through this, and come through it stronger.
And he will still be a stupid asshole spath. (if we are all lucky he will find a way to get himself incarcerated.)

You’ve come a long way, baby! He’s so predictable he can’t figure out a new story line OR a new town to do it in. duh.

“What reason is this occuring?
I have to look for the reason—.”

You asked for the reason. Perhaps the reason isn’t so complicated. I think in our minds sometimes we tend to complicate these things trying to figure out the elaborate planning behind what their motives are.
And in so doing so we forget that sometimes they do many things with child like logic behind it.

“Winning” & a grudge. He SIMPLY wants to win. He wants the reaction…

Now I know that Erin wants to fight, kick butt & take him down. But maybe he is expecting this? He wants his presence in town with gaga to create drama in your life, your kids life, and small community?

Can ErinBrock do grey rock? It rhymes actually! ERIN BROCK! GREY ROCK!

Go about your business as if he wasn’t even there. Get revenge by ignoring his existence in your town.

I think he wants you to be pissed. And wants you to try and take control of the situation of him and gaga being in town.
He wants a reaction to this.
Don’t feed him.


I’d submit that for all the creativity this disordered express by hooking victims and spinning lies, that they tend not to be so creative in planning where they go to do it.

He has a reason to be there and frankly, I doubt its you. I;d guess its about how easy it is for him to do business and make money. We both know that the business he’s engaged in is not really the same as what you do. For him, its a cover. And its one that worked well before. Why not again?

Well, it may or it may not. And while he flails around the community, it could very well affect you. Because he was connected to you both at one time. The taking sides will be a burden to clients that they won’t want to deal with and they will walk away from both of you.

Its something you have to consider with your business hat on not your emotional reaction. And you’ve had to think that way before. It has served you well.

Give yourself a little time to experience what you feel because we need to do that. Its very real, but get to the place where you can observe what is happening to you from a distance. And get your other mind set back.

His coming back is going to trigger e) everything.

And you and Jr. are going to have to decide how you want to respond – Stay and fight and wait him out or go. You have to weigh the choices about the things you can control. And you may not be able to control what he does. At least not right away.

I don’t think anything he does has to do with pointing personally to you. Getting close to where you are and allowing himself to be found opens the door to things he doesn’t want to deal with….

Dare I believe he owes child support for example?

If that were the case, it might be very sporting of him to move closer and take an address where he may be served.

Things happen for a reason. Breathe deep and the reasons will become clear.

We have to experience our emotions and they are real but they can impair how we understand what is true.

Be true to yourself.

All of you….each and everyone of you…..THANK YOU so much for your thoughtful responses!
I was fogged up last night…..I needed you all to drag me out of the fog.
Today….is a MUCH better day.
I had some good conversations with some treasured and respected friends…..and they too helped lift me out.

You are all so wise, we’ve been in the trenches.
I wish that nobody ever had to experience any of this…..but alas, we do.

So…..I laughed a moment ago, as there was an inadvertant attempt at service locally. (It appears the constables office had a 3 stooges moment) and didn’t spread the word about him leaving town to the deputies.
Jr shipped the TPO down to Gaga’s and it won’t arrive
fed ex until tomorrow.
he told someone that the ‘evil one tryed to have me served for only being in town at my friends. I feel sorry for her. Good spirits to my kids.
Wait till he happens to notice I had NOTHING to do with filing this order and it came from his ‘good spirited’ JR on all our behalf.
So, now he’s got a heads up he’s being served. BUT, he’s got no idea that Jr knows gaga’s address. He told the police the best time to serve is early am.

Anywho…..I want to thank you all again, from the bottom of my heart. I know I can’t give him anything….and that was one thing I wrestled with last night.
It’s nice to know I belong to a community that understands, get’s it and is there like no others.
Thank you!!!!
Ra-ra-ra!!! 🙂

EB, so glad to read that you’re in a better space, today. Their infantie antics can really send us into a frenzy – and, it’s because they are NOT infants and who would expect someone to behave so childishy?!


I don’t know about forgiveness, but I have done something after three years, I didn’t think I would do ever in my life.

Here is my story. I am not a religious person. But the pain and hurt and no expalnations behind the breakup threw me in to a different path.

Path for self learning. I had to look inside me, what am I, who am I, what if spath comes back will I take him back. I was missing him like crazy, I still love the person I loved, not the spath. What do you want with life, what do you want to learn. Suddenly sky felt endlessly.

It took me 3 years, many books, many meetups, many analysis in my mind. A lot of alone time to think.

I knew at this point I will never take him back, because, him coming back means all the junk will come back, all the cat and mouse game will start. Who did you tell what, well your children not good, oh your freinds and family don’t like me etc. etc…. I mean he will bring all his vomiting back on my face. My life is very clean, with normal challanges, nobody is clouding my thinking, I decide what to do and when to do, no any other voice.

Then I read a book “Tools, to heal your problems” it is on Amazon, I would recommend this book to everybody should read this book. This book described many tools to heal, it described missing “HOW” part.

And I did first part of “How” today.

After three years I sent an email to spath thanking him to come to my life and for leaving, because today I have learned so much about me and people around me, because of him I realized, what is important in life and what it not, because of him I am a better person today, I am more focus on good thing. I thanked him that he came in to my life to shake up my weakness, and that part of me needed to be strong. He taught me I should not trust everything which is shining. He taught me my children are above my love for him and their welfare is my duty, which I ignored when spath was around.

Basically I thanked him to come to my life to show me love, attention, and by leaving by injected so much pain that normal process of recovering didn’t work.

I don’t expect any response from him, I don’t need any. I released him from my anger, hate and any negativity I had for him, I just want to remember good things going forward……

Dear Myheart,

It sounds like you have “let go” of the former pain, and are making progress toward healing yourself

For so long I didn’t get it that it STARTED about “them” but ends up being about OURSELVES. Now I do. Now I take care of ME first. Sounds like you are taking care of YOU too. TOWANDA!!!!

Thanks Ox for your kind words.

I can say one thing happened since I sent that email, that I have nothing to say, nothing to go in past “what if”, which has relaxed my brain by 90%.

Yes forgiveness is about ourselves not about them, I made the point about his going made the positive difference in my life, because he saw how negative my life was when he was around. His leaving is a key here.

This is the message I want to give here, we all grew emotionally. We are survivors, and to survive a spath disaster path, we all need to work harder and differently.

Just doing some reading …and WOW!I thought this was a great article to help those who are “stuck” in the anger stage,and wanting to get beyond;to heal.

Blossom, you’re bumping up some gems this week! Thanks! x

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