By December 14, 2011 47 Comments Read More →

A Bridge to Hope

Editor’s note: The following article refers to spiritual concepts. Please read Lovefraud’s statement on Spiritual Recovery.

This is the second in a series of 6 postings on spiritual healing that will attempt to Make Sense of these encounters with sociopaths and present the process that literally turns these painful experiences into Miracles of Healing.

“There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguments and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance – that principle is contempt prior to investigation”

-Herbert Spencer-

The Bridge of Hope

Forgive is one of the most misunderstood words in the English language. In fact, many people recoil at the very thought of forgiving someone that they believe has harmed them.  The act of forgiveness does not release the perpetrator or sociopath from responsibility for their crimes, nor condone the behavior. Forgiveness is about Letting Go, a process that releases US from another’s destructive hold over our lives.

Refusing to be open-minded about the “possible” healing power of forgiveness only strengthens the sociopaths hold over our lives and poisons every relationship that we are in.

Based on previous experience, some will find this particular reading extremely difficult to accept and understand, but open-mindedness is all that is needed to learn the Truth.

Many of us understand why forgiveness is important and the profound affects that it can have on our lives and the lives of those around us, but few know how to do it. Most, however, know very little about the sometimes devastating physical illnesses and damaged relationships that are caused by our inability to let go of the past.

For most of us, the real meaning and power of forgiveness (letting go) is completely foreign.  We “think” we know, but we do not.  True forgiveness is Divine.  Grace is promised to us all from our Creator.

If we are to begin to understand the miraculous healing power of forgiveness, we must first be willing to at least entertain this idea that our creator can help us with this process.  A simple willingness to believe is all that’s needed to begin.

God is either everything, or he is nothing.  This is the question that we all must answer for ourselves.  For many, this step becomes the first real attempt to answer the question of God within themselves.  You will not need anyone else’s opinion of God for this exercise, only an open mind and willing heart.  He will do the rest if you ask, and then you will know.

We often use our very denial of God as proof that He does not exist.  We have little or no real Faith in God’s power, then, we use our experience to convince ourselves he does not exist.  Or worse yet, that He does exist, but doesn’t care about “me”.

Wherever there is despair, depression, anger, resentment, and fear, you will find a lack of Faith.  We are not talking about the surface Faith that pretends to believe in God, but the deep peace that comes from trusting God.  Faithlessness is not the result of these human difficulties, but rather the cause.

The Truth is in us, and when we hear it, we recognize it as Truth.  We may choose to deny Truth, but our hearts will always know.  This process helps us begin to trust this inner Devine wisdom and allows us to be guided through the healing process that results in a relationship with God that we never imagined possible.

Seek and You Shall Find, Ask and It Shall be Given You, is one of the promises.  God will never deny us Truth, but if we avoid asking the question, we can deny the answer.

Freedom from the past requires that we first surrender to what already is.   Then, we must become willing to acknowledge that there is a power greater than ourselves that can free us from this suffering.

This can be a difficult task for those of us that believe God has “allowed” a sociopath to harm us.  If we are refusing to let go of something and judging it as wrong, while claiming to believe in God, then we are conflicted, and in most cases, secretly blaming Him for whatever we think has harmed us.

For most of us, we must first recognize that we have begun to view God as the enemy, before we can become willing to see Him as the answer to the problems that we “thought” He was causing.

This is a question for quiet prayer and meditation.  A willingness to do this will give you the answer to this question.  An unwillingness to try this exercise will also answer the question prior to asking.  The Truth will always be revealed when we ask.  Failure to ask is simply a reflection of unwillingness to seek Truth.

If you are not yet convinced, you may want to sit quietly and ask God in prayer if He loves you, and if he will help you with this process before moving on.

Find a place where you can be alone uninterrupted for a few minutes.  If possible, find a place outdoors that is peaceful and quiet, or, try to imagine a beautiful, lush green garden surrounded by trees.  Sit peacefully in the middle of the Garden.  Try to quiet your mind by focusing on your breathing.  Ask God for help as you take nice, long, deep controlled breathes through your nose deep into your body while you attempt to clear your thoughts.

Ask this question or one similar.

“Father, do you love me and are you here to help me overcome my difficulties?”

Sit as quietly and as long as you possibly can, or until the answer is felt to your satisfaction.  This may only take a few minutes, or it may take longer.  When your mind wanders, simply ask the question again.

Next week we’ll discuss how to begin to Trust this new relationship and process.


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47 Comments on "A Bridge to Hope"

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“What reason is this occuring?
I have to look for the reason—.”

You asked for the reason. Perhaps the reason isn’t so complicated. I think in our minds sometimes we tend to complicate these things trying to figure out the elaborate planning behind what their motives are.
And in so doing so we forget that sometimes they do many things with child like logic behind it.

“Winning” & a grudge. He SIMPLY wants to win. He wants the reaction…

Now I know that Erin wants to fight, kick butt & take him down. But maybe he is expecting this? He wants his presence in town with gaga to create drama in your life, your kids life, and small community?

Can ErinBrock do grey rock? It rhymes actually! ERIN BROCK! GREY ROCK!

Go about your business as if he wasn’t even there. Get revenge by ignoring his existence in your town.

I think he wants you to be pissed. And wants you to try and take control of the situation of him and gaga being in town.
He wants a reaction to this.
Don’t feed him.


I’d submit that for all the creativity this disordered express by hooking victims and spinning lies, that they tend not to be so creative in planning where they go to do it.

He has a reason to be there and frankly, I doubt its you. I;d guess its about how easy it is for him to do business and make money. We both know that the business he’s engaged in is not really the same as what you do. For him, its a cover. And its one that worked well before. Why not again?

Well, it may or it may not. And while he flails around the community, it could very well affect you. Because he was connected to you both at one time. The taking sides will be a burden to clients that they won’t want to deal with and they will walk away from both of you.

Its something you have to consider with your business hat on not your emotional reaction. And you’ve had to think that way before. It has served you well.

Give yourself a little time to experience what you feel because we need to do that. Its very real, but get to the place where you can observe what is happening to you from a distance. And get your other mind set back.

His coming back is going to trigger e) everything.

And you and Jr. are going to have to decide how you want to respond – Stay and fight and wait him out or go. You have to weigh the choices about the things you can control. And you may not be able to control what he does. At least not right away.

I don’t think anything he does has to do with pointing personally to you. Getting close to where you are and allowing himself to be found opens the door to things he doesn’t want to deal with….

Dare I believe he owes child support for example?

If that were the case, it might be very sporting of him to move closer and take an address where he may be served.

Things happen for a reason. Breathe deep and the reasons will become clear.

We have to experience our emotions and they are real but they can impair how we understand what is true.

Be true to yourself.

All of you….each and everyone of you…..THANK YOU so much for your thoughtful responses!
I was fogged up last night…..I needed you all to drag me out of the fog.
Today….is a MUCH better day.
I had some good conversations with some treasured and respected friends…..and they too helped lift me out.

You are all so wise, we’ve been in the trenches.
I wish that nobody ever had to experience any of this…..but alas, we do.

So…..I laughed a moment ago, as there was an inadvertant attempt at service locally. (It appears the constables office had a 3 stooges moment) and didn’t spread the word about him leaving town to the deputies.
Jr shipped the TPO down to Gaga’s and it won’t arrive
fed ex until tomorrow.
he told someone that the ‘evil one tryed to have me served for only being in town at my friends. I feel sorry for her. Good spirits to my kids.
Wait till he happens to notice I had NOTHING to do with filing this order and it came from his ‘good spirited’ JR on all our behalf.
So, now he’s got a heads up he’s being served. BUT, he’s got no idea that Jr knows gaga’s address. He told the police the best time to serve is early am.

Anywho…..I want to thank you all again, from the bottom of my heart. I know I can’t give him anything….and that was one thing I wrestled with last night.
It’s nice to know I belong to a community that understands, get’s it and is there like no others.
Thank you!!!!
Ra-ra-ra!!! 🙂

EB, so glad to read that you’re in a better space, today. Their infantie antics can really send us into a frenzy – and, it’s because they are NOT infants and who would expect someone to behave so childishy?!


I don’t know about forgiveness, but I have done something after three years, I didn’t think I would do ever in my life.

Here is my story. I am not a religious person. But the pain and hurt and no expalnations behind the breakup threw me in to a different path.

Path for self learning. I had to look inside me, what am I, who am I, what if spath comes back will I take him back. I was missing him like crazy, I still love the person I loved, not the spath. What do you want with life, what do you want to learn. Suddenly sky felt endlessly.

It took me 3 years, many books, many meetups, many analysis in my mind. A lot of alone time to think.

I knew at this point I will never take him back, because, him coming back means all the junk will come back, all the cat and mouse game will start. Who did you tell what, well your children not good, oh your freinds and family don’t like me etc. etc…. I mean he will bring all his vomiting back on my face. My life is very clean, with normal challanges, nobody is clouding my thinking, I decide what to do and when to do, no any other voice.

Then I read a book “Tools, to heal your problems” it is on Amazon, I would recommend this book to everybody should read this book. This book described many tools to heal, it described missing “HOW” part.

And I did first part of “How” today.

After three years I sent an email to spath thanking him to come to my life and for leaving, because today I have learned so much about me and people around me, because of him I realized, what is important in life and what it not, because of him I am a better person today, I am more focus on good thing. I thanked him that he came in to my life to shake up my weakness, and that part of me needed to be strong. He taught me I should not trust everything which is shining. He taught me my children are above my love for him and their welfare is my duty, which I ignored when spath was around.

Basically I thanked him to come to my life to show me love, attention, and by leaving by injected so much pain that normal process of recovering didn’t work.

I don’t expect any response from him, I don’t need any. I released him from my anger, hate and any negativity I had for him, I just want to remember good things going forward……

Dear Myheart,

It sounds like you have “let go” of the former pain, and are making progress toward healing yourself

For so long I didn’t get it that it STARTED about “them” but ends up being about OURSELVES. Now I do. Now I take care of ME first. Sounds like you are taking care of YOU too. TOWANDA!!!!

Thanks Ox for your kind words.

I can say one thing happened since I sent that email, that I have nothing to say, nothing to go in past “what if”, which has relaxed my brain by 90%.

Yes forgiveness is about ourselves not about them, I made the point about his going made the positive difference in my life, because he saw how negative my life was when he was around. His leaving is a key here.

This is the message I want to give here, we all grew emotionally. We are survivors, and to survive a spath disaster path, we all need to work harder and differently.

Just doing some reading …and WOW!I thought this was a great article to help those who are “stuck” in the anger stage,and wanting to get beyond;to heal.

Blossom, you’re bumping up some gems this week! Thanks! x

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