Editor’s note: The following article refers to spiritual concepts. Please read Lovefraud’s statement on Spiritual Recovery.
This is the second in a series of 6 postings on spiritual healing that will attempt to Make Sense of these encounters with sociopaths and present the process that literally turns these painful experiences into Miracles of Healing.
“There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguments and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance – that principle is contempt prior to investigation”
-Herbert Spencer-
The Bridge of Hope
Forgive is one of the most misunderstood words in the English language. In fact, many people recoil at the very thought of forgiving someone that they believe has harmed them. The act of forgiveness does not release the perpetrator or sociopath from responsibility for their crimes, nor condone the behavior. Forgiveness is about Letting Go, a process that releases US from another’s destructive hold over our lives.
Refusing to be open-minded about the “possible” healing power of forgiveness only strengthens the sociopaths hold over our lives and poisons every relationship that we are in.
Based on previous experience, some will find this particular reading extremely difficult to accept and understand, but open-mindedness is all that is needed to learn the Truth.
Many of us understand why forgiveness is important and the profound affects that it can have on our lives and the lives of those around us, but few know how to do it. Most, however, know very little about the sometimes devastating physical illnesses and damaged relationships that are caused by our inability to let go of the past.
For most of us, the real meaning and power of forgiveness (letting go) is completely foreign. We “think” we know, but we do not. True forgiveness is Divine. Grace is promised to us all from our Creator.
If we are to begin to understand the miraculous healing power of forgiveness, we must first be willing to at least entertain this idea that our creator can help us with this process. A simple willingness to believe is all that’s needed to begin.
God is either everything, or he is nothing. This is the question that we all must answer for ourselves. For many, this step becomes the first real attempt to answer the question of God within themselves. You will not need anyone else’s opinion of God for this exercise, only an open mind and willing heart. He will do the rest if you ask, and then you will know.
We often use our very denial of God as proof that He does not exist. We have little or no real Faith in God’s power, then, we use our experience to convince ourselves he does not exist. Or worse yet, that He does exist, but doesn’t care about “me”.
Wherever there is despair, depression, anger, resentment, and fear, you will find a lack of Faith. We are not talking about the surface Faith that pretends to believe in God, but the deep peace that comes from trusting God. Faithlessness is not the result of these human difficulties, but rather the cause.
The Truth is in us, and when we hear it, we recognize it as Truth. We may choose to deny Truth, but our hearts will always know. This process helps us begin to trust this inner Devine wisdom and allows us to be guided through the healing process that results in a relationship with God that we never imagined possible.
Seek and You Shall Find, Ask and It Shall be Given You, is one of the promises. God will never deny us Truth, but if we avoid asking the question, we can deny the answer.
Freedom from the past requires that we first surrender to what already is. Then, we must become willing to acknowledge that there is a power greater than ourselves that can free us from this suffering.
This can be a difficult task for those of us that believe God has “allowed” a sociopath to harm us. If we are refusing to let go of something and judging it as wrong, while claiming to believe in God, then we are conflicted, and in most cases, secretly blaming Him for whatever we think has harmed us.
For most of us, we must first recognize that we have begun to view God as the enemy, before we can become willing to see Him as the answer to the problems that we “thought” He was causing.
This is a question for quiet prayer and meditation. A willingness to do this will give you the answer to this question. An unwillingness to try this exercise will also answer the question prior to asking. The Truth will always be revealed when we ask. Failure to ask is simply a reflection of unwillingness to seek Truth.
If you are not yet convinced, you may want to sit quietly and ask God in prayer if He loves you, and if he will help you with this process before moving on.
Find a place where you can be alone uninterrupted for a few minutes. If possible, find a place outdoors that is peaceful and quiet, or, try to imagine a beautiful, lush green garden surrounded by trees. Sit peacefully in the middle of the Garden. Try to quiet your mind by focusing on your breathing. Ask God for help as you take nice, long, deep controlled breathes through your nose deep into your body while you attempt to clear your thoughts.
Ask this question or one similar.
“Father, do you love me and are you here to help me overcome my difficulties?”
Sit as quietly and as long as you possibly can, or until the answer is felt to your satisfaction. This may only take a few minutes, or it may take longer. When your mind wanders, simply ask the question again.
Next week we’ll discuss how to begin to Trust this new relationship and process.
Chuck passed away on Saturday afternoon Christmas Eve.
It was a bit of a shock to arrive Friday afternoon to find out I was taking the next shift as caregiver. Chuck’s son gave me the quick drill on what Chuck can eat and about Chuck’s condition. Chuck was mobile until Friday. He was bed ridden during my visit until he passed away Saturday early afternoon.
I felt any anger towards him melt away. I had to take care of him. There is something healing in taking care of a person no matter how much they wronged you. Of course it helped that Chuck was not complaining in these last few days. (I couldn’t have taken care of someone if they were bitching and complaining at me. )
It gave me perspective about my prior relationship with Chuck. He was an engineer at work and was an engineer at home. He believed that a man provides a roof over your head and that’s it. Did he mean to be abusive? Well, yeah. He knew better. I wasn’t exactly “kept”. I paid the expenses. He paid the mortgage and property taxes.
Forgiving doesn’t mean being naive about what happened and it doesn’t mean frosting over what happened. It just simply means I don’t hold anger towards him anymore.
I can still have frustration in why did he trick me into moving-in just to have a maid service at his house? He could have paid someone to do that service. It was too casual with regarding me and my kids.
Chuck did try to make up for this. But, it doesn’t change that I used to have a house. I went down in life after his relationship. I now live in a mobile home.
Happy Easter everyone!!
Thank you for the post Travis….
Jeannie,
I just now saw your post about Chuck passing away and you taking care of him. I’m sorry that it turned out like that, but glad that you made peace with the situation. Coming to PEACE with the situation, however we achieve that is what we need to do. glad you were able to come to peace. God bless.
Happy easter to you too Coping!
Jeannie, I also missed your post until just now.
I’m sorry for your loss, but glad you reconciled with the past.
Hi Coping, how’s Jr? Did the Easter Bunny drop by?
🙂
(((skylar & ox))) and all,
Yes the Easter bunny did come and it was awesome!!! Jr. Was still a little young but he did love collecting the eggs. I bought the big plastic eggs and put little ones inside. It reminded me of those russin dolls that you open up only to discover another surprise inside… Lol… Everytime he found one it was as if it was all new again. You should have seen him with his little basket.. Putting them in and pulling them out again.
I stuck to my guns/boundaries and had an Easter I was happy with and jr. Loved.
I have to get back to work.. I got allot of hours this week so I need to take advantage since I love zero next week.
Allot has happened and I’m working on an email to you guys and Donna. Hopefully I can have the time next week to get it out.
Take care.
(((((((Aloha))))))))
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m6kfo4FahM0&feature=related
Hi Guys….weak time for me.
I think I came here to write and cry.
I’m angry!!!
He’s moving gaga to my town. The rush to the wedding is on…..and they are coming here….RIGHT HERE!
The reason is……to pick up his old life….with a new family.
He was harassing my clients last week during his visit.
He was harassing and stalking Jr last week.
I’ve felt anxious all day…..my eyes twitching and I’m pissed!
I want to control this….and stop him from moving here….but I don’t think I can.
I’ve had all kinds of thoughts today.
I just need to let off steam……I feel foggy and pent up.
I’ve worked so hard to rebuild…..and he’s going to be fucking back!!!! as he stated…..to stir it up.
This can’t be healthy for me……I’m afraid.
I’ve been non productive all week.
I can’t be like this.
I have to find a balance.
My stomach hurts.
I”M FUCKING PISSED……ANGRY……SCARED……and I HATE EVERYONE WHO EVER GAVE HIM INFO ABOUT US!
I know there will be few who greet him with open arms.
There are always the ‘few’.
A few is enough for him to validate himself to do whatever he’s planning.
I called a friend tonight……and she’s was indifferent…….I needed support. She couldn’t wait to get off the phone. She was mostly silent the whole time. I felt degraded. What a friend.
everyone else is sick of hearing this, I get this……yet it continues.
IT CONTINUES…….
Can one person who is so fucking sick of hearing about this explain to me the fucking logical reason he’s coming back to town?????? It’s a VERY small town.
Can one of those people please look at the reality and not walk away??!?!?!?!
FUCK THIS……
What reason is this occuring?
I have to look for the reason…….
Sorry folks…..not strong at the moment.
EB,
Because he feels he can? Seems to me he wants to be right in your face.
I’m sorry 🙁
Yep…..right in our face.
He wants to attempt to sink the ship he couldn’t the first time.
I feel like i’m exploding…….I haven’t felt this sorta anger in so very long…….
I hate him…..I fucking hate him.
He’s ammo’d up……and coming back for more…..
Do I have the steam to fight…..longer……
Right now I just want him to die!!!!!!!
I want every and any bad thing to happen to him……that ever was bad on this earth.
Why do good people die and they can keep hurting people……triggering this anxiety and PTSD.
I feel like i was dragged back 4 years…..back into the trenches.
I am so foggy that i can’t even plot a strategy.
Today I felt as if I should just give into him…..invite him into our lives…..fake it…..just to keep my enemy close…..
I know I can’t do this…..it’s absurd.
But I just want peace.
thanks for responding DM……..I’m lost at this moment.
I’m hoping the tears will relieve this turmoil swirling inside my body.
THANK YOU!
I feel like I’m breaking.