Editor’s note: The following article refers to spiritual concepts. Please read Lovefraud’s statement on Spiritual Recovery.
This is the second in a series of 6 postings on spiritual healing that will attempt to Make Sense of these encounters with sociopaths and present the process that literally turns these painful experiences into Miracles of Healing.
“There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguments and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance – that principle is contempt prior to investigation”
-Herbert Spencer-
The Bridge of Hope
Forgive is one of the most misunderstood words in the English language. In fact, many people recoil at the very thought of forgiving someone that they believe has harmed them. The act of forgiveness does not release the perpetrator or sociopath from responsibility for their crimes, nor condone the behavior. Forgiveness is about Letting Go, a process that releases US from another’s destructive hold over our lives.
Refusing to be open-minded about the “possible” healing power of forgiveness only strengthens the sociopaths hold over our lives and poisons every relationship that we are in.
Based on previous experience, some will find this particular reading extremely difficult to accept and understand, but open-mindedness is all that is needed to learn the Truth.
Many of us understand why forgiveness is important and the profound affects that it can have on our lives and the lives of those around us, but few know how to do it. Most, however, know very little about the sometimes devastating physical illnesses and damaged relationships that are caused by our inability to let go of the past.
For most of us, the real meaning and power of forgiveness (letting go) is completely foreign. We “think” we know, but we do not. True forgiveness is Divine. Grace is promised to us all from our Creator.
If we are to begin to understand the miraculous healing power of forgiveness, we must first be willing to at least entertain this idea that our creator can help us with this process. A simple willingness to believe is all that’s needed to begin.
God is either everything, or he is nothing. This is the question that we all must answer for ourselves. For many, this step becomes the first real attempt to answer the question of God within themselves. You will not need anyone else’s opinion of God for this exercise, only an open mind and willing heart. He will do the rest if you ask, and then you will know.
We often use our very denial of God as proof that He does not exist. We have little or no real Faith in God’s power, then, we use our experience to convince ourselves he does not exist. Or worse yet, that He does exist, but doesn’t care about “me”.
Wherever there is despair, depression, anger, resentment, and fear, you will find a lack of Faith. We are not talking about the surface Faith that pretends to believe in God, but the deep peace that comes from trusting God. Faithlessness is not the result of these human difficulties, but rather the cause.
The Truth is in us, and when we hear it, we recognize it as Truth. We may choose to deny Truth, but our hearts will always know. This process helps us begin to trust this inner Devine wisdom and allows us to be guided through the healing process that results in a relationship with God that we never imagined possible.
Seek and You Shall Find, Ask and It Shall be Given You, is one of the promises. God will never deny us Truth, but if we avoid asking the question, we can deny the answer.
Freedom from the past requires that we first surrender to what already is. Then, we must become willing to acknowledge that there is a power greater than ourselves that can free us from this suffering.
This can be a difficult task for those of us that believe God has “allowed” a sociopath to harm us. If we are refusing to let go of something and judging it as wrong, while claiming to believe in God, then we are conflicted, and in most cases, secretly blaming Him for whatever we think has harmed us.
For most of us, we must first recognize that we have begun to view God as the enemy, before we can become willing to see Him as the answer to the problems that we “thought” He was causing.
This is a question for quiet prayer and meditation. A willingness to do this will give you the answer to this question. An unwillingness to try this exercise will also answer the question prior to asking. The Truth will always be revealed when we ask. Failure to ask is simply a reflection of unwillingness to seek Truth.
If you are not yet convinced, you may want to sit quietly and ask God in prayer if He loves you, and if he will help you with this process before moving on.
Find a place where you can be alone uninterrupted for a few minutes. If possible, find a place outdoors that is peaceful and quiet, or, try to imagine a beautiful, lush green garden surrounded by trees. Sit peacefully in the middle of the Garden. Try to quiet your mind by focusing on your breathing. Ask God for help as you take nice, long, deep controlled breathes through your nose deep into your body while you attempt to clear your thoughts.
Ask this question or one similar.
“Father, do you love me and are you here to help me overcome my difficulties?”
Sit as quietly and as long as you possibly can, or until the answer is felt to your satisfaction. This may only take a few minutes, or it may take longer. When your mind wanders, simply ask the question again.
Next week we’ll discuss how to begin to Trust this new relationship and process.
EB:
Wow, why would he do this other than he is just a BASTARD!! Can you move again?? I know it’s probably not feasible, but just wondering if it’s a possibility.
EB,
I’d say I can’t imagine how you feel, but I CAN imagine how you feel! Him moving back into your safe place, into your life, and you feeling threatened (and with good reason) and the friend who couldn’t wait to get off the phone. Yea, some friend! another betrayal, maybe she can throw gaga and the pervert druggie a shower for their wedding!
The eye twitching, btw is from lack of sleep.
But EB look at the positive side of this…oldest junior is DEFINITELY SURE which side of the fence he is on now. If nothing else that is the BEST and BIGGEST positive thing that you could have asked for.
Secondly, your clients, none of them fell for his attempt to hoodwink them. So right there the TWO biggest worries about your folks falling for his fake carp are over. The most important people in your lives are SOLIDLY on your side and you KNOW it firmly.
The rest of the people (the fake folks) what the fark do you care what they think? If they cuddle up to the druggie arse hole what do you care?
ps. he won’t stay in your town long EB…he’s been in what 5 states so far? Plus the cops won’t like him, and they already have his number so he may think it is safe for him to move back now, but I can just about guarrantee it isn’t. The cops down think he has “changed” and reformed (they know better) and you don’t so he is gonna have to move on very soon.
I would not want to live in your town if you hated me as much as you do him, so believe me, he won’t be there long.
And YES, YOU DO HAVE THE STRENGTH! YOU ARE THE SPATHINATOR!!!!! (((hugs))) from your biggest fan!
Oh Thank you….Oxy! Words of encouragement are what i needed.
I called the DV hotline just to vent. I didn’t want to hear, get a security system, alert the police yadyada…..I’ve been dealing with this for 6 friggen years- I get that, I’ve done all that, I just feel weak at the moment. I just wanted someone to listen.
Yeah…..my gf said, I’ll call ya tomorrow…..OH I”LL HOLD MY BREATH!!!!
I am tired……I am weak today……I am not the EB fighter…..I’m tired!!!!!!
Louise~ I have wrestled with this all along, moving…..and I stood my ground. I need to get my mojo back and my fuck you attitude and BOWL HIM OVER!!!!!
I don’t want to move, because I DON”T want to move.
I want to make my own decisions, not have HIM make them for me……..
Besides, i’ll still own this place…….and then he’d do property damage to it.
He’ll always cause problems…….I just have to remember this!
I’ve got to get stronger……find my adamant tomorrow.
Thank god one day like today is only 24 hours!!!!!
Tomorrow will be so good I’ll wish it was 48!!!!
Balance EB…..balance!!!
It’s 2AM and I just woke up. dang!
Anyway EB, I thought this MOFO had warrants out for his arrest? No? Well then use this to your advantage.
He’s in your backyard give him some rope.
Here’s an interesting thing about spaths. They always behave in the same way. They are predictable.
You can even TELL them that you’ll give them rope and they’ll still TAKE the rope and hang themselves. It’s astonishing. They are like sisyphus, condemned to do the same things over and over and over again. They can’t help themselves. Such is the power of anything we suppress into the subconscious.
I want you to re-read the story of Seemona Sumasar, the woman who was raped and then framed, which Donna has linked to. It really is so classic and it tells you how they are expected to act. Take notes. Google it and read all the variations. It’s too educational to miss.
I’m sorry this is happening now, but you are strong and you are ready. He will hang himself.
EB, I am so sorry to read about all of this – I cannot imagine what you’re going through. Remembering my own anxiety, I can only imagine the level that you’re experiencing.
The police are aware of the RO and what he is. Keep in touch with them whenever you can. If there’s someone on the force that has earned your trust, keep THEM in the loop of information. Alert everyone to what’s happening so that word will spread throughout the network.
Is there any legal means to have him Court Ordered to stay away from clients, etc.? I know that it’s a headache, but you need protection and so does your ability to earn a living!
Big hugs to you, EB – feeling “weak” is quite normal when we’re slapped in the face with more spath B.S.
Brightest protective blessings to you, EB.
EB, I am not aware of your FULL story, but the little I’ve read sounds alarming, and I’m sorry for what you are going through. I also know that you are a very tough cookie.
Standing your ground and not moving sounds like the right thing for you to do.
I understand your weariness of it all. Find a way to soak up some energy/strength so you don’t feel so depleted. Interactions with spaths are SO depleting.
Maybe watching some particular types of movies would help enervate you. I don’t know what those would be. For some reason, Lord of the Rings pops into my mind — don’t know why, but I’m passing it along just in case it means anything.
Thank you thank you thank you! All!!!!
I just responded and lost the dang post. UGH!
I needed the energy to refuel. Not quite there yet….but feeling better today!
He should be served sometime over the weekend…..if gaga is as toxic as she’s appearing……it’ll for sure make them move here!
I’m going to try to escape from his grasp today and get some much needed work done today. Things i’ve put off with paralyzing fear.
FUCKER!
I just needed strength last night…..and you all were here!
Thank you so very much.
I’ll be back tonight.
It’s just so wearing…….I was removed from his slime……and now it’s on my front door. It’s just wearing.
I’ve got to be more slimier than him……and have better endurance……and NOT let it show.
Hold my head high, smile and go out into my community a martyr!
UGH…….I just want to be me, I just want my kids to be them…..I don’t want to hide from him in MY TOWN!!!!
FUCKER!
EB,
You know what makes me laugh about this situation? He hasn’t figured it out by now that you are going to kick his dumb ass! He’s an IDIOT!
I know it from sitting behind a computer screen, yet it doesn’t dawn on his marble head that you kicked it before and now ya going to do it again! HA!
Stay safe and many, many blessings to you and yours.
Yea, EB….I remember you talking about how he told Junior that he’d had a dream about you being brutally raped….and all that other fark he was spewing….he has a plan all right but he doesn’t know the NEW EB, only the old e b that had cancer and had a stroke and that he was able to fark over and over and over. He does not know th eNEW EB SPATHINATOR who goes to the gun range with junior and teaches him how to shoot who has her little friend and the courage to use it if necessary.
I think when he gets served with the OOP he may realize that you are serious, but he wont’ realize JUST HOW SERIOUS YOU ARE, or how STRONG you are now.
Sure we all have a melt down night once in a while, but we come back with our ADAMANT and are stronger than ever! TOWANDA Girl friend! You are gonna be the winner! (((hugs))) and God bless.
EB – i second and third Oxy’s and Ana’s words of wisdom. YOU have it going on, and he won’t stick long. Breath. I am sure you will come through this, and come through it stronger.
And he will still be a stupid asshole spath. (if we are all lucky he will find a way to get himself incarcerated.)
You’ve come a long way, baby! He’s so predictable he can’t figure out a new story line OR a new town to do it in. duh.