Editor’s Note: This story was submitted by the Lovefraud reader whom we’ll call “Maura.”
To me dying in old age should be a serene peaceful experience. A time when one is surrounded and supported by loving family members and friends. However, when a sociopath spouse is entered into the mix those normal expectations can be thrown straight out the window. The sociopath will hijack the situation and you will be constantly blindsided. The sociopath will be relentlessness in preventing family and friends from being at the bedside. Instead of focusing your time and energy on the patient, it will be continually diverted to dealing with the sociopath’s latest havoc.
Grieving, widowed dad meets and marries wife number two (W2)
This story begins 17 yrs ago. Our Dad at the age of 64 had been happily married for the past 42 years when Mum died suddenly. Within six weeks of Mum’s death our vulnerable grieving father met a 67 year old woman who had recently moved to into the area from interstate. Dad’s greatest fear was being alone. In hindsight, we believe this woman had scoured through the obituaries in the local newspaper to find a suitable widow then hunted him down. Dad was a sitting duck.
Once she had ascertained that Dad was reasonably wealthy with prestigious connections he didn’t stand a chance. This woman was supremely confident, and claimed that she had been a Midwifery lecturer at a University as well as a trained Grief Counselor. She informed us that she had divorced her husband years ago because he was bipolar.
Within weeks she had joined Dad’s church and taken up golf lessons in order to play golf with him. Some months later she became a member of his prestigious golf club. She made many meals for him and became an indispensable companion and support. Before the year was out she had married Dad and was firmly ensconced in his house. She quit her job and commenced living off Dad’s retirement savings. This woman shall be referred to as Wife 2. (W2)
After 16 years of marriage W2 has gained control of everything
Fast forward 16 yrs. Dad is now 80 years old, still married, extremely depressed and dying from cancer. W2 has now assumed control of every aspect of his life and monopolizes all conversations. She has become his gatekeeper and all communication is done through her.
Due to her pathological lying and abnormal behaviour we began a background check on her. Firstly we tracked down her two estranged children who ascertained that W2 was a sociopath and couldn’t be trusted at all. We learnt that everything W2 had told us about her life, career, family, ancestry and achievements was absolute baloney. The more we investigated the more lies we uncovered. That is another story in itself. It was very difficult to get our head around the depths of her deception. We were also frantically trying to educate ourselves on this disorder to preempt W2’s antics. Unfortunately we were always about two steps behind.
We inadvertently discovered at the same time that W2 had lied to Dad’s doctor. She claimed that she had medical power of attorney for Dad. W2 also duped the doctor with her confabulated career claims. She told the doctor she had been a former Director of Nursing in Palliative Care, and had been on the State Advisory Board for Palliative Care. The doctor believed her and duly wrote out prescriptions for morphine. He entrusted W2 with her avowed expertise to capably work out the dosage regime and euthanize Dad forthwith. It was to be done in the added comfort of his own home without any supervision whatsoever!
We were also horrified to discover that W2 had recently wheedled Dad into making her the sole beneficiary of his will. For years his substantial estate was in a testamentary trust. As the sole beneficiary, W2 was lying to Dad and faithfully promising that she would honorably distribute the estate according to his wishes. The reality was, she had no intention of doing this. Everything was falling into place according to her brilliant master plan. Dad would be dead by the end of the week then she would take the lot.
A fight over dying dad’s medical power of attorney
We actually had medical power of attorney and immediately filed a police report against W2 for euthanizing Dad. We then confronted W2 in the presence of Dad and the lawyer on the euthanasia project. We raised the ethical question of whether the sole beneficiary of Dad’s will (W2) should be the one to administer the final lethal injection of morphine. We didn’t want Dad to suffer but there was no way we could trust her to administer the medication correctly. The chance of her overdosing or withholding pain relief medication was not a risk we were prepared to take. The lawyer hastily drew up mutual wills which Dad and a reluctant W2 signed the following day.
W2’s frenetic word salad
The following excerpt is taken from an actual transcript of a recording made during this conversation. This is W2’s frenetic word salad when confronted about refusing to tell family what she was doing regarding her euthanasia project. She pulls out a lot of tactics, projection, blame, pity play, grandiose claims, lies, contradictions etc.
The Sociopath’s actual words appear in the column on the left. The translations of what the sociopath’s words mean appear on the right.
W2 = Wife 2 (the sociopath)
### = Dad
***** = Daughter
|SOCIOPATH’S ACTUAL WORDS||TRANSLATION OF SOCIOPATH’S WORDS|
|I have been all the time. I have kept ***** ah all the time.||(That’s just more of my B.S. I expect you to accept this wholeheartedly.)|
|The only reason I said to you about I didn’t want people and I. This is what the doctor told me.||(I never accept responsibility for my actions. It gives me more credibility if I blame the doctor.)|
|It is better the less people know how often and what I am doing because it ahm it would upset too many people.||(Now that has always been my modus operandi. I can’t have anyone finding out how evil I am or my hidden agenda)|
|Now both of us understand this.||(I am superior just like the doctor.)|
|Because we have both done this before many times in our profession.||(Have you never heard of my brilliant career? Just don’t ask me how many people I have euthanized as a midwife.)|
|And so the ahm, the reality is during this procedure. We tell the patient to tell people, the the relations that we are going to give treatment because the pain doesn’t entirely go.||(Now I will put the blame back on your Dad because he didn’t dare tell you my secret plans.)|
|So we have to continue doing that and the time limit its diffic.||(I need to finish my euthanasia mission. Don’t stand in my way.)|
|Which I have been saying to you it is lessening, which you know the pain time between all of these. But ### of course has wanted for the last week for it to be. He would have gone a fortnight ago to terminate it all.||(I will think and speak for him. Damn. He is still alive despite my medication regime to terminate him.)|
|Which we didn’t. I thought the family needed a whole lot of time.||(I am trying to look good here by pretending to think and care about the family needs. This should score me some brownie points.)|
|Not just what ### was doing. I could cope with the pain and ah what he was having with the medication that we were doing.||(I could cope with his pain as well as the pain of the inconvenience of it all. I missed out on some great games of golf and mahjong. But I get to inherit his estate so in the meantime I will play the noble hero. I am the only one who matters. It is all about me.)|
|And we were there and then we had to change it and we can still do that but what we have to do now.||(I’m always lying and contradicting myself. I was doing it solo. Anything to stay in control.)|
|### thought that we were going to do it sooner than what everybody thought. Because that’s his wish.||(I am in charge of his feelings. I will speak for him. Don’t dare disagree with me ### or there will be hell to pay. Just sit there and keep quiet as usual.)|
|It was his wish and ah the doctor knew about this.||(It’s all about me, it was my wish. I must have my way.)|
|He, he was the one who told me how to do it.||(I’d convinced the doctor I was an expert in euthanasia. But for now we will make it look like I was merely following doctors orders. It paints me in a better light.)|
|And I have rung the Palliative care people, yes agreed with it.||(More BS. My imaginary allies always serve me well. Fortunately you are too stupid to verify any of it.)|
|But the only thing I, when I said about I wouldn’t. I wouldn’t tell you what I was really going to do.||(I always keep my real agenda hidden. It makes it easier to get what I want.)|
|Because if you knew within an hour that I was going to do. Which I would say come around because he is getting close.||(I hope you fall for this load of B.S. There is no way in hell I want you there at the end. He’s mine. I own him.)|
|I don’t tell you what the dose is and whether I have given two before hand to get to that limit. That’s the medical thing to do and I have been trained very well in this area.||(This was all part of my master plan, hence all those grandiose B.S . stories on my medical background. I could under dose him or over dose him. It all depends on how bored I am. I am certainly not telling you about it. (I never apologize for keeping anyone in the dark. I am perfect. I need to explain this since you are so stupid)|
|That this is the procedure we are under. We have been trying to undertake. But ###, he keeps sa, he has said to me three or four times “Can’t you hurry it up”? I can’t hurry it up, and I have had hours at night wishing I could. (sobbing) And I can’t, so I have to go along now and put it off again. Where ### thought he was getting it.||(Time to change tactics here. I’ll shed some tears to make you feel sorry for me. I am the saintly martyr here. I’m trying to kill my husband as fast as possible because that’s his wish. Well it’s really my wish so I can get my hands on his money.). (Bright and happy)|
|And that is where I am coming from. I would have told you all of that because.||(I am only telling you that because you had the gall to confront me in front of the lawyer. You will pay for this.)|
|That’s you have been so close all the time.||(I expect you to believe this because I said so. I have spent years keeping the family away from him.)|
|I wouldn’t have not let you know the last two or three hours of what I was doing at all. I would never do that.||(Oh yes I would do that. I wouldn’t let you know at all. But I have to make this empty promise to reel you back in so you trust me.)|
|That’s what, that is the normal thing to d) And I don’t mean that in the saying that I am expressing and apologizing in doing it. I am explaining. o.||( I am far from normal. I am pretending to be normal in the hope that you will trust me and stop interfering. All I want to do is get on with the job of terminating him and finally get my hands on his money.)|
The doctor arrived later on after receiving some fiery texts and phone calls from one son. We raised the issue of best medical practice with the doctor in the presence of Dad and W2. The doctor realized he had been well and truly hoodwinked and his career was now in jeopardy. When he left he promptly arranged for Dad to be placed into palliative care.
W2’s charming, imperialistic and sophisticated facade vanished instantly. She was now like a rabid rottweiler hell bent on revenge. We got to experience firsthand the full brunt of her rages, contempt and insanity.
When Dad was admitted to palliative care, W2 was claiming once again, that she had medical power of attorney. The staff were provided with documented proof that we had MP of A. This finally ensured that we were kept directly in the loop by the doctors and staff. We also instructed the head doctor that under no circumstances was W2 to ever administer any medication. She did not have the qualifications or medical expertise that she claimed.
W2 was ever so gracious and charming to the staff. She flattered them. W2 assured them she knew exactly where they were coming from as she had done the same course as them. She regaled them with stories of her alleged stellar medical career and notable achievements within the medical field. These grandiose claims included that she had been a Director of Nursing in Palliative Care , a Counselor, the Chief State Examiner of Nursing, a Bio Ethicist, a University Lecturer in both Palliative and Aged care. The list goes on and on. She always stated these claims with such authority and conviction that no one ever doubted her. Not one word of this was true, she had only ever been a midwife and hadn’t nursed for over 24 yrs. The staff were quite shocked when we set the record straight.
Whenever she was with Dad she always played the devoted loving caring wife. She constantly questioned him about the pain levels. She stroked his brow and said over and over “Let go”. We only wish that we had set up something like a nanny-cam to find out what she really got up to when no one was around. She had made Dad totally dependent on her by being the only one to minister to all his needs. He always referred to her as the boss and had stopped thinking for himself.
She had a huge arsenal of tactics to keep us at bay which she would ratchet up daily. She wasn’t the slightest bit embarrassed about her warped behavior or blatant lies. When she left his hospital room, she would close the door and flip the sign on the door to “Sleeping do not disturb”. Dad would in fact be wide awake, staring out the window and longing for company. We would ignore the sign and slip into the room to sit with him.
W2’s method to isolate Dad was to lie to everyone about what the doctor had supposedly said. She kept his friends and family away with the lie ‘The doctor said he wasn’t well enough for visitors and needed to rest”. W2 had black listed half of the family. She lied to the staff and informed them that Dad had specifically told the doctor he didn’t want to see the blacklisted family members. Nursing staff were then expected to police visits and refuse the blacklisted family entry. Fortunately the staff were on our side as they now knew that she was totally unhinged. The doctor verified that Dad had said no such thing and did want them to visit.
W2 lied to Dad and claimed “The doctor had said that visitors weren’t allowed at certain times and he needed to rest”. Dad would then fret that he would be in trouble when visitors did turn up. She also lied to Dad and said that certain family members didn’t want to visit him or were too busy to come by. Dad would then be quite confused when they did turn up.
After a week on morphine Dad was totally off his face. W2 tried to convince the doctor that this adverse drug reaction was solely due to the family visits which were accordingly upsetting Dad. She urged the doctor to stop us from visiting. It beggars belief that she expected the doctor with his extensive experience would accept her crazy notions. The doctor simply changed the medication.
W2 always swept into Dad’s room with the newspaper tucked under her arm. She would then deliberately wake Dad up and prattle on incessantly. She expected any family members to immediately vacate the room and her delegated chair on her arrival. If we didn’t scurry out immediately there would be hell to pay. She ordered the grandchildren out of the room. At other times she would storm out of room in an absolute huff. She deliberately created histrionic scenes and dramas. W2 would find a nurse who held a position of authority. She would start talking to them and burst into tears. It was quite remarkable how she could switch the tears on and off just like a tap. She would then drag the nurse into the foray to mediate.
W2 against the family — a constant battle
W2 would play the poor maligned wife. This was done with the expectation that staff would make a decision that resulted in the family being banished. She would sob “I have never been like this in my entire life.” “I don’t know what to do about it.” “My needs are not respected, I am his wife and I need to spend more time with him than anyone else.” “I feel it is my right.” “The family are always here and I never get time with him.” As usual, this was all lies, she would usually arrive at 9 am for ringside seats of the doctor’s morning rounds. She would stay until about 2 pm. The rest of the family would avoid her and come in the afternoon or after work. If she stayed later and a group of us turned up then the dramas would ensue. W2 would put Dad in the difficult position where he had to choose between her or the family. The staff were very diplomatic in handling her dramas. They would gently focus on Dad’s needs and insist he answer for himself.
She engineered the lawyer to draw up a letter outlining a visiting regime. It stated that it was based on the doctor’s advice ( that old chestnut again ) and stipulated a maximum of three visitors at a time. Visiting hours were restricted to the late afternoon. She was to be informed in advance of the names of who was visiting. No drinks or food were to be brought in or consumed. W2 rigidly monitored everything he ate or drank. She deemed all gifts of food that were bought in as unsuitable. It was written as though it was Dad’s wish, but it contained her typical language and expressions. She then duped Dad into signing it. This was then mailed to Dad’s children. Of course we didn’t adhere to this. It was staggering the desperate lengths she went to in order to isolate Dad. It was also interesting that we never met any of her friends during this entire time. She obviously wasn’t going to run the risk of exposure. Everyone in our family now knew who and what she was and had no intention of remaining silent regarding her obnoxious behavior.
If Dad phoned her at home, she would grill him on who had visited. If she found out that certain members of his family were actually present with him she would hang up on him. Even worse she would get him to relay her decree that they must leave immediately. The latter would stress poor Dad out. He was totally confused. Towards the end he stopped letting on that visitors were there.
From the time that she first met our family she covertly tried to develop mistrust and pit all the family members against each other. The lies she told about us behind our back would fill a novel. She almost succeeded in dividing the family. She now took this to a whole new level and did it blatantly and openly. She would falsely accuse us of all sorts of things and publicly put family members down. She was incredibly insulting and treated all of us like imbeciles. She would state we couldn’t possibly comprehend the effect of cancer or understand anything in relation to the pain relief treatment. The entire family were constantly texting each other and reporting everything she said and did. Her rants and hysterical episodes were always recorded. We were always forearmed and forewarned. We rated her moods on a scale of 1 to 10. Usually it was way off the scale. However, when the doctor was present she would be sweetness, goodness and light.
Given the setting, we would resort to the Mahatma Ghandi approach of passive resistance. We suspected W2 was pushing us to the limit by creating dramas in the hope that we would give up and stay away. It was extremely difficult to stay calm and not react. Any reaction on our part would give her just cause to banish us. Her treatment of Dad was outright cruel and callous abuse.
Planning the Funeral
Over a month later Dad passed away peacefully in the early hours of the morning. He died in presence of his daughter. When W2 arrived an hour and a half later, she could be heard hysterically wailing down the corridor as she now donned the faÃ§ade of the grieving widow. In the intervening hour and half W2 had been busy contacting all her friends and his colleagues to inform them of his death.
Collaboration wasn’t part of W2’s modus operandi in arranging the funeral. She announced her intentions and we were expected to jump to and make it happen. However, that was a problem because she would constantly change the plans. We couldn’t trust or rely on her for anything, so we wrested control of organizing most of the funeral from her. W2 had never attended either of her parents or any of her siblings funerals, so protocol was not part of her agenda. She treated the whole process as another avenue to be in control, gain revenge and present herself as a wonderful saint.
W2 had dictated a very warped version of Dad’s life to the Minister with the intent that the Minister would deliver this as the eulogy. We managed to get hold of this atrocious eulogy which was in reality a public smear campaign of Dad’s blacklisted son. It wasn’t factually correct, heavily featured W2 and barely mentioned Dad. This supposed eulogy was binned. A far more appropriate eulogy which truly relayed the essence of Dad and his life was delivered by his blacklisted son.
W2 arranged for the funeral to be held on Thursday as she was attending a friend’s birthday party on Friday.
A year or so prior to Dad’s death she had mentioned that Dad had promised Mum that he would be buried with her. At that time W2 played the part of the noble, compassionate, understanding wife who was perfectly fine with that. When the actual time came to organize the burial W2 it proved to be an issue for her. She haughtily decreed that it was to be a private burial with just his family. It was to be held on Friday as she thought the family would like that. To an outsider this would appear that she was the caring matriarch who had the family’s best interest at heart. It was anything but. We had never been consulted on this. We really went toe to toe with her on this issue. The blacklisted son continually pushed back “Well you aren’t going to be there.” She was simply overruled in the end and it was a public burial held on Thursday immediately after the funeral. W2 thankfully never went to the burial nor were we ever given a reason for her absence. We figure it was part jealousy. It’s a wonder she didn’t manage to manipulate Dad to be buried elsewhere, but then again this would mean she would have to fork out money for a new grave site. She only liked spending money on herself.
When everyone was seated at the funeral W2 made a very melodramatic entry as the distraught widow. She staggered in resplendent in gold jewelry. She was propped up by her own golden child granddaughter on one side and was clinging to the arm of her distant relative on the other. Crocodile tears were streaming down her face, huge sobs racked her body and a soggy handkerchief was clutched tightly in her hand. We had some friends at the funeral with their Iphones on standby. They were hoping to capture a video clip of one of W2’s rages but she kept that in check.
W2 had provided the Minister with a script for the opening sentences of Dad’s funeral. It was all about W2. She had seized this golden opportunity to manipulate the Minister to publicly reinforce the illusion that W2 was a good, honest and righteous person. The Minister announced that W2 was a wonderful woman who was a truly devout Christian with a deep faith in God.
Poor Dad had a sentence of 16 long years of hell with her deceit and madness. He never discussed her but he gradually shut down over the years and became very morose. We figure this was all due to her control and continual gas lighting. We also believe that deep down he was too embarrassed to admit he made a mistake. His headstone will very fittingly have the epitaph “Rest In Peace.” W2 holds the legal papers for the gravesite and will not release them. We will have to wait until she dies before we can erect a new headstone for Dad and Mum.
We hear that she is playing the role of the grieving widow and milking it for all it is worth. People have asked us if we would go to her funeral when the time comes. Some of us probably will go to the viewing only to confirm that she is actually dead and is in the coffin. The world will certainly be a better place without her in in t.
Any communication is now done through lawyers and she is lying carte blanche to them. Due to the mutual wills that were drawn up at the death knell, W2 effectively gets the lot for her use during her lifetime. All Dad’s retirement income, investments, bank accounts, all the furniture, heirlooms and the house. Anything that is left from Dad’s estate when she dies will then be distributed to us. There was an insurance payout with Dad’s children and W2 each receiving approximately $100,000.
W2 bought no assets to the marriage. We discovered after Dad died that at the time W2 married Dad, she was an undischarged bankrupt. We also learned that her first husband divorced her a few months prior to her marrying Dad. So much for the first husband being dead. Due to Dad’s religious beliefs, he would have been devastated if he knew that he was dating a woman who was still legally married.
The distribution of the estate: Possible scenarios
As it stands now W2 has all the heirlooms and photos but is lying and claiming she has already distributed them. She cannot change this mutual will nor write another one without our consent.
There are a few possible scenarios as to what she will possibly do.
- She could blow all his retirement income, even though it means cutting off her nose to spite her face. Then she will find someone else to be a parasite off of.
- She could be currently siphoning money off to give to her golden grandchild. The family is divided on this scenario as half of us reckon she is too greedy and selfish to do that. She has waited a long time to get her mitts on the inheritance.
- She could bin or distribute all the furniture, heirlooms etc. to her golden grandchild. That is probably happening and we can’t do anything about it.
- She could remarry even though she is 84. She would then lie and say that the heirlooms etc. belonged to the new husband. If she were to remarry we have a heap of documented evidence and recordings to verify her life story and deception to present to the next target’s family.
- She could rack up huge debts before she croaks and bankrupt the estate.
- She could write another will stating that we gave our consent, then bequeath the estate to whoever is the flavor of the month. This would be an invalid will but it would make everyone involved go through the ordeal of contesting it.
W2’s trail of deceit documented
We have printed up a factually correct timeline of W2’s life with photos and documented proof of everything. We also have a printout of sociopath behavior traits compiled from various websites. We have started to quietly expose her. Thus far we have met with the minister from her church and a very wealthy husband of a couple that she has targeted. Fortunately they believed us, as there is something NQR about W2. We figure she would have lied to everyone about the will so we plan to send copies of this to her grandchildren.
If any readers have any other ideas on how to expose her we would love to hear your views.