By November 15, 2008 745 Comments Read More →

A ‘female’-type psychopathy?

We know only too well that by far the majority of psychopaths are men. Or at least we think we know that. Could it be that the criteria used to identify psychopaths are biased towards men? After all Hare began his work in male prison.

Think about it. While behaving and being the way the PCL-R without doubt earns one the label psychopath, this is simply a list of symptoms. It says nothing about the underlying dynamics. If psychopathy is life centered on the principle of power (as opposed to love) and if it is therefore characterised by what Liane Leedom nicely calls ‘warped empathy‘, then wouldn’t you expect there to be more or less the same number of woman as men psychopaths? And wouldn’t you expect them to come across differently?

I am beginning to wonder whether there may be two broad types of psychopathy – a ‘male’-type and a ‘female’-type. I place these in quotes because, when I think about it, men with might be thought of as ‘female’ psychopathy come to mind and we all know about women with ‘male’ psychopathy. And yet, at the risk of being un-PC, I want to maintain these descriptors for now so that the difference I think I see doesn’t disappear.

A ‘female’ psychopath would not necessarily commit crimianl/antisocial acts like her male counterpart, but she woud be as power-driven, as toxically narcissistic as a ‘male’ psychopath. The control, the manipulation, the dishonesty, the selfishness, the callousness – all these would be present, but we might not recognise them for what they are because of 1. media portrayal and 2. medical diagnosis of psychopaths. The difference would come in the gendered style of their behaviour.

In my clinical work I have come across this phenomenon. For example, a woman I now consider to be of the ‘female’-type of psychopath didn’t come close to committing a crime and yet the way she mothered her daughter, my patient, came close to destroying the child’s mind. This seems to me to be a perversion of motherhood eqivalent to the perversion of fatherhood we read about on this website.

Do readers have any comments? I’m particularly interested in any examples you might have of how ‘female’ psychopathy – if such a thing does exist – manifests itself?

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745 Comments on "A ‘female’-type psychopathy?"

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My friend came across numerous female psychopaths in the Haverhill Ma area. The first was a counselor at the community college which another friend of his advised him to seek out so that he could get help with finishing his degree. Over a 3 month period, he was yelled at repeatedly, told “Who cares what he thinks”, had numerous sexual advances from this woman/girl/psycho, showed traits of narcissism, showed traits of borderline and of course ignoring him when he asked for help with his classes. He then came into contact with the dean of students who also yelled at him saying he was disgusting because she had a glib form of speech “Saying he connected with her” not realized that this dean thought he had sex with this counselor. Then this dean tried to shut him up by saying it’s over it’s in the past and that she’ll let him finish his classes as if to have power over him.

Then of course this detective calls him saying there was an investigation about this counselor. He leaves a voicemail and of course when my friend tells the detective everything she mentions “it’s hard to understand someone who has a personality disorder”. Doesn’t reference the counselor or him…another form of glib speech. She also says to him “Well it’s like you told us tonight, you enjoy doing photography as a hobby so you have that”. He never mentioned anything about his hobbies this detective looked at his website and slipped up. Apparently anyone with anti-social personality disorder believes that anyone with empathy has a personality disorder.
Now my friend has lived by the motto of “Treat people the way you want to be treated”. He worked and was liked by all his customers, was employee of the month and has never had any reason to make up stories. So why is it these people get away with it? Because now it’s seen as equal rights but if a college has rules and the staff doesn’t follow the rules who is safe? only those with the same disorder. Unfortunately my friend never realized what he was dealing with and tried to be a voice against injustice and abuse. Lately, he is staying away from everyone except a select few who have shown empathy, accepted blame, and listened to him. It’s a shame that this happened to someone with such a good heart. If these people can’t learn, don’t accept blame, and cause so many problems why are they allowed all this freedom because terrorism isn’t just a guy with a beard and turban, it’s also coming into contact with any of these people.

I may be involved with a sociopath. I met the woman about a year and a half ago and she told me she was separated from her husband and would be getting divorced soon. That should have been a big enough red flag for me to run away but I didn’t. I had not dated anyone in a few years and she was very attractive. After six months she still had made no progress on the divorce because she said her husband was “dragging his feet.” She also was very “spiritual” and she believed that God had released her from the marriage and it was okay that we were together. After nine months of no progress with the divorce I began to pull back from her and not spend a lot of time together. This made her very upset and she would always say that I didn’t care about her anymore. Around the one year mark she told me that God had brought another man into her life and they were meant to be together. Of course she dated him for a month in secret before she told me about him. After a few more months she told me that God said that she should not be dating anyone until her divorce was final but I could see her as long as we were just friends. That is when I made a big mistake. I guess because I was lonely I began spending time with her again. But I could only see her when it was convenient for her. She was also spending time with the other guy too. I did this for three months and she was still not close to getting divorced. Whenever I asked her why she was not talking to her husband about getting divorced she would say that God told her to wait. By the way, she says that God speaks directly to her several times per day. I recently began to see a therapist and she thinks I need to not be in contact with her. I have tried but it is very difficult. I usually she her once a week now but she sends me text messages several time per day. I know I need to do the no contact if I am ever going to heal but it is hard because I still have feelings for her even though she has caused me a lot of pain. I am hoping that with therapy I can completely cut her off.

Fraudorfriend, It’s definitely time for you to listen to your counselor and follow the No Contact Rule with this women. She is playing everyone…her husband (if there actually is a husband), you & this new guy.

I would suggest you find out what county court she filled her divorce papers and actually go to the court to see if she did file.

What ever you do DO NOT give this woman any money!! The fact she thinks God talks with her daily is a HUGE HUGE RED FLAG that mentally she is not right or she is a masterful con artist.

Cut your losses now with this three timing woman!!

Read everything at the top of this site & watch the videos and see if it resinates with your relationship with this woman.

Donna Anderson’s books (Lovefraud site created) are good to read and so is the book Women who love psychopath by Sandra Brown (even though it is directed to women it will give you a great understanding into how sociopaths con people and what techniques they use to do so)

Do a search up at the top right “No contact rule” & also on the net. Read everything about the no contact rule.

Wishing you all the best!

ps also do a search on LF & the net “sociopath triangulation”….this woman is triangulating you against her husband & this other guy to control you, to manipulate you and for you to do what she wants you to do.

also do a back ground check on her to see if she has been arrested or worse.

When your gut, counselor and others are seeing red flags with your relationship you need to really find out who this person is and if they have conned others. Have you done a search on the net about her?

Thank you for your comments. You are correct when you said she is playing everyone. That is why I call her the “master manipulator.” I also know this is not the first time she has done this. She was married before and she started seeing her current husband before she got divorced. What really surprises me is that her current husband has not forced her to sign the divorce papers. About six months ago they had the papers ready but she didn’t think the settlement was fair and she would not sign them. Her current husband knows that she has cheated on him with two guys yet he has not had his lawyer serve her with papers. I know this because I have friends who have know this woman and her husband for a long time. I know she has not had any legal trouble and I have not given her any money. She has a good job and she has never asked me for anything. What is really surprising is that she is a highly respected person in her church and community. I have thought about talking to her pastor and telling him the truth about her. Her pastor and his wife know she is separated from her husband and they think she should get a divorce but they do not know about me. We always had to meet in private and never went out together where we live. But her new “friend” as she likes to call him goes to church and Bible study with her every week. The crazy thing is that she and her “friend” believe that God brought them together and that they are doing nothing wrong. I doubt that God puts people together when one of them is still married. But she sees everything as God’s plan. I know that I need to cut her off and move on with my life. I hope I will be able to do it soon.

Fraudorfriend, your welcome.

It’s a conscious decision to follow the no contact rule. Remember sociopaths brain wash their victims LITERALLY. They are the cult leaders of the world…it does not matter if they only have a few cult followers to brain wash or have millions of followers they do the same techniques. You are a cult follower and she is your cult leader.

This sociopath that you are speaking of uses the term “God” to control her followers including you. Sociopaths often go into church to find target victims. Why do they go to churches to find the next victim? Because there are good people in churches who will follow rules….guess what sociopaths love to do…make up rules for others to follow….they will use specific terms to literally mind control their vicitms, they can put a victim in a trance or hypnosis state without the victim know just with these key words they use (see the book Women who love psychopaths by Sandra brown for more info on this subject). It’s very scary what they can do without the bulk of society even knowing what is happening on this planet!!

She is controlling everyone by making them feel bad if they don’t follow what “God has planned for them”. She knows exactly how to control everyones minds!! This is masterful manipulation and ***PITY PLAY (google this & search on LF)

The book Freedom of mind by Steven Hassan discusses the mind control aspect of sociopaths/psychopaths. It’s will open your eyes to the reality that you have been living.

The reason why her husband has not signed the divorce papers is because she is playing him still…she is not ready to let him go…most sociopaths do not want to let go of any victims…they want total control over everyone!! This sociopath is no different…this is why she has three of you under her mind control. She is telling her husband she loves him and that all of you are lying i.e. “she would never cheat on him” etc etc.

My ex h after I had proof of his affair would not let go of me even though I was done with the marriage…his affair was my escape out…but he did not want to let go of me or his mistress (the only one at the time I knew about there were countless)….he lied to her about our marriage and he lied about her with me & their relationship…’s all a con game to him…they don’t care about you or the other people in their web of deception…it’s about Power & Control with them. This sociopath has power & control over all three of you. My guess is she has others in the wing just waiting that you all don’t know about. Sociopaths have 100’s of victims including endless affairs.

My ex triangulated me against his mistress & her against me…so that he had the attention off of him and not firmly where it should have been!! KEEP YOUR FOCUS ON HER not her husband or the other guy!!

****google & search on love fraud “sociopath triangulation”

Please read about the No Contact Rule….this is the ONLY way to break the mind control this evil woman has over you and the others. Ask your counselor for help to with this. It is not easy to follow the no contact rule…she has made you addicted to her attention…she has conditioned you to accept her horrible behavior i.e. cheating….you are addicted to her…and like any addiction you have to go cold turkey…and this is extremely hard. But you can do it!! Come here when you want to call her or text/email her before you do. Vent here how you are feeling, getting your feeling out will help you to not want to call her.

****Google “gas lighting abuse”

Look at the site Psychopathyawareness.wordpress. com for more info.

Wishing you the best!!

Fraudorfriend, ask yourself these questions:

Do I want to have a woman in my life that is a cheater, liar & manipulator?

Is it really “God’s plan” to bring the devil into my life as my life partner?

Do I deserve better then what I am setting for?

Jan7, I read about triangulation and that is exactly what she is doing. I don’t know how people like her can use so many people and sleep well at night. I would feel terrible if I were using people just so I could feel desired and in control. My “friend” has not been single for even one day in the past twenty years. She just uses someone then moves on to the next without ending the relationship. It really is a sickness. But she loves to say that she “just wants what God wants.” I know that God doesn’t want people to use other people just so you can feel good about yourself. I am sorry you had to go through something similar. It really is amazing how many sick people there are. I guess the good thing for me is that she did this before we were married. I really hope I am able to go cold turkey very soon. I am very tired of letting her control me. Thank you for your support.

1. She probably thinks that *she* is god, therefore whatever SHE wants = what god wants.

2. She doesn’t have empathetic feelings like normal people, so she can sleep well at night with no pangs of conscience.

3. God isn’t the only one with plans. Satan is fully capable of carrying out evil plans as well and sociopaths are his prophets and minions.

I read about triangulation and that is exactly what she is doing. I don’t know how people like her can use so many people and sleep well at night. I would feel terrible if is were using people just so I could feel desired and in control. My “friend” has not been single for even one day in the past twenty years. She just uses someone then moves on to the next without ending the relationship. It really is a sickness. But she loves to say that she just wants what God wants. I know that God doesn’t want people to use other people just so you can feel good about yourself. I am sorry you had to go through something similar. It really is amazing how many sick people there are. I guess the good thing for me is that she did this before we were married. I really hope I am able to go cold turkey very soon. I am very tired of letting her control me. Thank you for your support.

The state of Massachusetts, USA,has two anti-bullying bills before the legislature. Here’s a quote out of an article in masslive (dot) com /politics/index.ssf/2015/07/bills_address_bullying_public.html

“[Jerry] Halberstadt is an advocate for a bill that would create a committee to develop strategies to stop the bullying of disabled and elderly residents in subsidized housing. He and others testified Tuesday before the Legislature’s Joint Committee on Housing.

Bonny Zeh, a disabled resident of a Somerville public housing apartment since 2008, told the legislative committee about enduring years of abuse at the hands of other residents – including threats, catcalls, obscene gestures and cruel jokes.

“For five years, I was… subject to a near daily dose of verbal abuse and bullying by six to 10 mostly elderly residents,” Zeh said.

I, member of forum, Synergy say: I’m on Jerry Halberstadt’s email list, and am keeping up with his great advocacy and progress in Massachusetts.

I live in a market-rate, realty company owned, apt. building for seniors. In my building, there are a lot of female bullies. five or six woman, and one man, sit in our community room all morning every day, drinking coffee, running down various tenants AND staff people who work for the company, using ugly and degrading nicknames they make up, and spreading vicious rumors about people. I’m hoping that Mass.’s bills become law there, and that their laws, being the first in the nation, will serve as impetus for other states.

In a building where a very good friend of mine used to live before she escaped to a better building, there were femail and male bullies. The females had underhanded ways of bullying, and the man there stood very close to my friend in the elevator and came on to her sexually. The landlord company — from whom I at one time rented part of a 4-plex from, does nothing to protect tenants from bullies, whether the bullies are other tenants, or managers against tenants. Of course, there can also be staff-to-staff member bullies, manager-to-staff, and tenant/s to staff.

I continue to advocate anti-bullying legislative action, with the tenant organization I am a member of, but so far, they are doing nothing about this.

OMG Synergy – what a nightmare! And we thought the problems were in middle school!

Hi Donna,

Well, ha ha and ho ho! Did anyone suspect that the middle school bullies (female or male) would “grow out of it”? They just get more and more skillful, effective, and devious tactics.

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