We know only too well that by far the majority of psychopaths are men. Or at least we think we know that. Could it be that the criteria used to identify psychopaths are biased towards men? After all Hare began his work in male prison.
Think about it. While behaving and being the way the PCL-R without doubt earns one the label psychopath, this is simply a list of symptoms. It says nothing about the underlying dynamics. If psychopathy is life centered on the principle of power (as opposed to love) and if it is therefore characterised by what Liane Leedom nicely calls ‘warped empathy‘, then wouldn’t you expect there to be more or less the same number of woman as men psychopaths? And wouldn’t you expect them to come across differently?
I am beginning to wonder whether there may be two broad types of psychopathy – a ‘male’-type and a ‘female’-type. I place these in quotes because, when I think about it, men with might be thought of as ‘female’ psychopathy come to mind and we all know about women with ‘male’ psychopathy. And yet, at the risk of being un-PC, I want to maintain these descriptors for now so that the difference I think I see doesn’t disappear.
A ‘female’ psychopath would not necessarily commit crimianl/antisocial acts like her male counterpart, but she woud be as power-driven, as toxically narcissistic as a ‘male’ psychopath. The control, the manipulation, the dishonesty, the selfishness, the callousness – all these would be present, but we might not recognise them for what they are because of 1. media portrayal and 2. medical diagnosis of psychopaths. The difference would come in the gendered style of their behaviour.
In my clinical work I have come across this phenomenon. For example, a woman I now consider to be of the ‘female’-type of psychopath didn’t come close to committing a crime and yet the way she mothered her daughter, my patient, came close to destroying the child’s mind. This seems to me to be a perversion of motherhood eqivalent to the perversion of fatherhood we read about on this website.
Do readers have any comments? I’m particularly interested in any examples you might have of how ‘female’ psychopathy – if such a thing does exist – manifests itself?
The two major differences I’ve noticed in dealing with my ex are. 1 The ability to use a female biased system for manipulation and blackmail. i.e. After lying about occupation and insurance coverage (90%). Then getting pregnant after faking a pregnancy. I discovered most lies and the fact she had no insurance. I tried to get insurance but there’s no way beings she was already pregnant and delivery had to be c-section. I had already wiped out my savings taking care of her during her fake cancer so there was no choice but for her to get on public assistance. While applying for p.a she sent a text “I can’t believe you won’t get me a car, if i don’t sign these papers you have to pay for baby”. One of many examples of blackmail power, enabled by a biased system. Another is sex abuse allegations. I should be finished with those now but the amazing thing to me is if you remove the sexual connotation from allegations it’s exactlly what she has done to the children. Aided of course by the systems knee-jerk reaction to such allegations. I was ordered no contact for 4 months (not even telephone) from that ordeal. Short term effects on my daughter were that of seperation anxiety. Who knows what its done lone term. 2nd major difference as I see it is the ability to use the most precious and treasured possesion to nearly everyone (children) not just as a pawn but a weapon. After getting pregant (for real) some telling quotes from her were”I could do anything I want to you and you’d take me back” and “the only reason you’re here is to pay my bills”. She knew how much I love and wanted children and the fact I never wanted to have a child be from a “broken home” and used it to the nth degree. She would kick me out twice a month( essentially instantaneously taking my daughter from me) just to satisfy her sadistic needs. This went on for a year. You wanna talk about POWER. I don’t pay her outrageous bills, I lose my daughter. I don’t provide for her adult children, I lose my daughter. I prosecute her adult son from stealing from me, I lose my daughter. She makes up me having an affair, I lose my daughter. She makes up her having an affair, I lose my daughter. Absolutely nothing I could do about it except leave the child I’ve wanted for 25 years and take my chances with the same biased system. P.S I won custody of my daughter 4-1-09
Dear hardlesson: I’m so sorry to hear about all you’ve been through. I suspect she started off in her teenage years telling all the boys she dated that she was pregnant and needed them to pay for her abortion … every single one of them … meanwhile, she was never even pregnant. They do seem to start off with the small stuff and build up to the bigger better cons … as they go on through their lives. The use the system and twist and contort it … they cry at the drop of a hanky … they play everyone for everything they can get.
Take some deep breaths when dealing with her evil and pray to God to protect you and the children … all the children involved with the likes of her… when going through court due to her antics.
She is definitely EVIL. I’m sure others on this blog that has dealt with simiar situations as yours can give you specific advise about to curtail her abuse.
Peace to your heart and soul. I’ll keep you in my prayers. I always pray for my LF family.
Hardlesson,
First, it makes me sick to my stomach what your wife has done to you and your daughter and because people abuse the system (and human beings) by false accusations, children who are really in danger seem to get no help. The stories we have seen on news and read in papers about people who get their children taken over false accusations and fighting the system to get them back while other children suffer their lives in abuse where there is no help, no hope. In my opinion it all comes down to one person…the Judge who makes the decision and holds the power over lives. Hardlesson, do you know that there are Judges making these decisions who came out of Traffic Court, Misdemeanor Court or maybe specialized in Taxes, Bankruptcy, etc. as attorneys while in private practice or with a firm? I think this has something to do with the craziness and irrational decisions that are sometimes handed down. I also feel this needs to be changed and there should be some place for mandatory, special training in the area of Family Court before any Judge can begin to qualify in the area of making such decisions which are life altering to children and the parents. The man I am married to is an attorney (we are divorcing), and could quite conceivably be appointed as a Family Court Judge some day. He would in no way qualify for this. These Judges will somtimes sit around a table with a drink in their hands and laugh about the people in their courtroom when they have rendered a decision unfavorable to them, or speak of some horrible detail from a past case without ever changing the expression on their face. It is creepy and heartless. They never have to see the people again, so it means nothing to them to wipe others out. I have known enough Judges to say that they are not all this way but there are enough of them that the lives they ruin and turn upside down can be a staggering amount by the time they leave the bench. If there was some way to make them work with therapists and mandatory psychology courses before they were ever allowed to make such important decisions, my vote would be a definite YES!!! Please don’t ever give up on your little girl and fight for every moment and every right you can get.It appears your wife wants to turn you away from this child and the power she holds over you is the fear of continued accusations. I suggested this to someone before and I will say it again. When you have visitation with your daughter, start taking her to a therapist with you to counsel you together. This will be great damage control for both of you and as far as I know there are no laws to prevent you from going to therapy with your child during the time the court has set up your visitation. Good luck and God Bless.
I thinkk (for what it is worth) tht many females who are labeled “Borderline personality disorder)are actually psychopaths, the “female” version. I have seen only one diagnosed BPD male (wrist cutter and all) that I know for “sure” was what his “label” was. I’m not sure what the difference the hormones of the two sexes do to the behavioral differences in men and women, and society has trained men and women to behave somewhat differently, so it could be a hormonal & a behavioral difference.
The rate of females being incarcertaed in our country for violence is rising dramatically lately though.
Female murderers for example have been more inclined to poison or kill someone with less “violent”means than gunfire, but lately that is changing as well.
My son C’s wife has much of the chaotic back ground that many psychopaths have, multiple short term marriages/relationships, poor choices, poor parenting skills, frequent outbursts of violence, throwing things, threats. She had never been in trouble with the law that I know of prior to being arrested for trying to kill my son, and stealing $24,000 from my mother. She had a “S & M” affair with a man she knew was a convicted child abuser, ex convict, and made plans with him to rob my mother and kill my son and make it look like “self defense.”
She is a frequent liar, shows no real remorse, blames others for her arrests, etc. so I think she “qualifies” on a lot of the PCL-R,, but maybe not a 30. There is suspicion that she might also have self abused by bruising herself. She did hit my son, who did not respond, but would leave the house until she calmed down.
I do know that she was willing to kill my son. That she wanted him dead.
My X DIL’s daughter is a typical Borderline Personality disordered young adult. She has no impulse control, and no common sense at all. She refuses to work or go to school, throws tantrums on a regular basis and will hurt you if she can when she is in a rage, and then the nextminute is telling you how much she loves you. She is a thief and a liar as well. She is also sexually permiscious and has been since an early age.
Actually, though, what difference does it make what “label” is pasted on them? Maybe for research purposes or legal purposes, but as far as relationships are concerned the lable “BAD NEWS” is about all I need to know.
DrSteve,
Warped empathy is something I believe I have witnessed in my aunt and her youngest daughter. They become enthralled when others are experiencing trauma, discomfort or drama in their lives.They seem to not be able to get enough details about others personal lives and misfortunes. One thing that has always struck me as odd is that they become animated and their voice pitch goes from a deep low to a higher level when they are speaking about someone who is experiencing personal pain or crisis. I wonder if there is any studies on voice tones and inflection. I mentioned in an above post the cavalier and other times unemotional tone some lawmakers have when discussing awful things. With my aunt and her daughter there is what I can only describe as a gleeful? sound in their voices when ruminating over others pain. When they experience personal crisis they laugh about it and dismiss it as comical and unimportant to them. I received a call from someone last week who was astounded that they were laughing because they were being investigated by the Department of Child and Family Services. My aunts granddaughter, who is 10 had been molesting her 2 1/2 year old great grandson over the summer. My aunts youngest daughter is the mother of the 10 year old girl. Does this sound in any way humorous to anyone?!! This is not funny, it is horrifying! There is a long history of violence and molestations in their family and they are laughing about this as if they are watching Comedy Central. What is that? Someone explain this to me and why they would laugh over something incredibly inappropriate. They should be ashamed over making light about this if not for the children involved, then for themselves. If that isn’t weird enough the person who told me this said they told her my son had been kicked out of two schools. My son has never been kicked out of a school and is an honor roll student. The 10 year old girl has been in plenty of trouble at school and it was rumored in my family that she had been kicked out of school. I know of an incident where she had taken a knife to school and her mother buys her those pocket knives. Does anyone here know someone who buys knives for their children? Why would anyone plant those seeds in their children? I don’t like that they are turning their attention towards my son because this mother and daughter have been out of control for as long as I can remember. I don’t see any boundaries in them and when they are angry at people for perceived wrongs they tend to feed each others anger. By the time they are done ripping and tearing on their object of hatred for the moment they completely demonize people and convince themselves that every ugly accusation they can hurl holds truth. They believe their own lies and it is bizarre to watch them when they go off. It’s as if they are in a trance and what they are mirroring is hatred of humanity. If anyone tries to reason or disagree with them they are swift to take revenge and punish. I have never heard them say they were wrong or sorry for anything they have said and done. They brag about cruel things they do to people and seem proud of it. Everything they say and do is presented with justification no matter how heinous or damaging. I have a large family and am not close to everyone but as far as I know they are the only two who are overtly disruptive and wear their meaness like a badge they are proud of. Is this a possible type of female sociopathy and why are they this way but my other family members aren’t? Many of my family won’t have anything to do with them and I have them on n/c. I would also like to know how do you get this type of person to permanantly stay out of your life when they are obsessing and plotting.
Dr Steve you can go to my site (when mom is the abuser in the blogroll on the left) to see examples of female psychopaths. Female offenders are under reported as it is and when you get into areas such as female sex offenders the report rate is even less. Out of 1,000 men who disclosed being sexually abused by a female only 4 ever reported it. That is less than 1%. And the same applies for female victims of female offenders. We expect men to do these things and to be this way but not women. Research is slowly showing that to be faulty.
Then there is the whole issue of perceptions. The same exact behavior is often viewed differently depending on the gender of the person doing it. For example one typology of female sex offenders that some use is called Teacher/Lover. Yet everything about that typology applies to some male offenders as well but you will not see that title because it is offensive. But the professionals who came up with the title do not seem to notice how their own sexism has played out by using that title.
I am getting ready to make a post that shows a video that 20/20 did where they had a woman being abusive to a man in public and people’s reactions. A common reaction is the old “you go girl” he deserved it and that is one of the reactions shown. They assumed he had cheated on her or something and that made it acceptable for her to be abusive. But when the roles are reversed it is a different story. Wrong is wrong but society does nto see it that way yet.
Another example of this is when a parent kills their children. Often when a woman kills her children it is seen as “a cry for help.” When a father kills his children, I have never seen it portrayed as he was crying out for help. When women behave badly, we often seek to understand why; when men behave badly, we often judge and condemn them.
Of course I am speaking in generalities here.
There are quite a few female psychopaths out there but they are viewed in a different way and so a different label is attached.
Here is just one recent case from my site:
Investigators allege she put her 2-and-a-half-year-old son Zachary in boiling water on Oct. 20, according to court papers, causing second- and third-degree burns on his buttocks and scrotum. Those burns prompted the child abuse and maiming charges.
Rich beat her son and sexually abused him between Oct. 17 and Oct. 20, causing bruising to his head and a black eye, according to arrest warrants. She also burned the bottom of his left foot with a cigarette, authorities said.
Other reports indicate that prior to putting the baby into boiling water she had placed something inside the baby’s rectum which required surgery to remove it and a colostomy bag to be put in place.
Now tell me if that does not sound exactly like a male psychopath? Heck it even sounds like a hollywood psychopath. Now I have no idea if the person in question is or is not but that is something a psychopath would do.
We see these things but don’t see them.
To quote Dr. Christine Hatchard:
In our society, mothers are automatically given special status, and certain characteristics, such as “nurturing, caring, protective” are attributed to them. The truth is, at her core, a mother is a woman and a human being, and like any other human being, is capable of the same range of violence, hate and autonomous behavior. To view women or mothers any differently, is to not realize their full potential as human beings, for better or for worse.
OxDrover,
Good grief! How have you and your son dealt with these monsters?! Your x-dil and her daughter sound much like my aunt and her daughter-and now it is being passed down to the 10 year old granddaughter. It’s becoming multi-generational. Maybe it just takes that one person to choose to kill their conscience and then anyone else at their mercy(especially children) is going to have a strong probability of following in their footsteps. I don’t think there is any way of stopping this because these people would never seek help or any kind of therapy. I get the impression from my aunt and her daughter that they feel great about themselves…everyone else is messed up. Everything can be “narrow” that they present at times and others it is without boundary, so you never know what you are getting. They believe they are the ultimate Christians, and Catholics, J.W’s, Mormons, Jews, and all others are headed for hell. Anyone who isn’t Republican is evil and immoral, and on it goes while they have affairs, illegitimate children, destroy friendships, marriges, reputations, children and anything or anyone who crosses their paths.
The daughter (of aunt) was bragging last year about all the “free days” she gave her girls off school each month. She seemed quite pleased with her liberal, forward thinking. I told her she was making school insignificant to her girls and lying in front of her daughters on the phone to the school when they weren’t really sick. Bad example. Of course, these kids are going to fail in school and she has taught them how. This year her 16 year old has been in bootcamp since summer. Other of my family said she was in trouble for stealing a car. This is being passed off as the 16 year old suddenly rising up out of bed at 2:00pm and voluntarily joining bootcamp…and the parents are beaming with pride over her decision and great accomplishment. This girl wouldn’t go to school, get a job or do anything that involved structure but they are telling our family she decided to join and stay in bootcamp where she is rising at 5:00am, working and military style exercise for 6 months. Yikes! They are perpetuating a lie rather than caring enough for this girl to say you did wrong and there are consequences to pay. Worse than that is crediting themselves with good parenting and presenting the bootcamp “decision” as a result of their good guidance. It wasn’t a decision it was a sentence. I know this sounds like an old saw but bootcamp could be the best thing that ever happened to that girl if it gets her out of that household forever. Somehow, though, I don’t see this girl having much of a chance with her mother and grandmother in her life. It pisses me off to see adults wiping out any hope or potential future for success and happiness for a child.
I think you and your family had angels watching and protecting you. For anyone reading this that doesn’t believe. I mean no offense. I just think God intervenes sometimes in our lives. It’s like the sun breaking through a dark storm that is raging.
Here is an article I did that looked at a female psychopath:
http://whataboutwhenmomistheabuser.blogspot.com/2008/10/look-at-female-psychopath.html
This case is, to me, a good example of a mother being a psychopath and her son being a psychopath with her.
BloggerT7165,
I remember seeing part of that program on the female abuser. Abuse is not acceptable from anyone. What is happening with people and our society as a whole? Does anyone or everyone remember having a female babysitter, relative/ or not, that was charming, affectionate and fun before your parents walked out the door and a whole different face was presented when they were gone?