We know only too well that by far the majority of psychopaths are men. Or at least we think we know that. Could it be that the criteria used to identify psychopaths are biased towards men? After all Hare began his work in male prison.
Think about it. While behaving and being the way the PCL-R without doubt earns one the label psychopath, this is simply a list of symptoms. It says nothing about the underlying dynamics. If psychopathy is life centered on the principle of power (as opposed to love) and if it is therefore characterised by what Liane Leedom nicely calls ‘warped empathy‘, then wouldn’t you expect there to be more or less the same number of woman as men psychopaths? And wouldn’t you expect them to come across differently?
I am beginning to wonder whether there may be two broad types of psychopathy – a ‘male’-type and a ‘female’-type. I place these in quotes because, when I think about it, men with might be thought of as ‘female’ psychopathy come to mind and we all know about women with ‘male’ psychopathy. And yet, at the risk of being un-PC, I want to maintain these descriptors for now so that the difference I think I see doesn’t disappear.
A ‘female’ psychopath would not necessarily commit crimianl/antisocial acts like her male counterpart, but she woud be as power-driven, as toxically narcissistic as a ‘male’ psychopath. The control, the manipulation, the dishonesty, the selfishness, the callousness – all these would be present, but we might not recognise them for what they are because of 1. media portrayal and 2. medical diagnosis of psychopaths. The difference would come in the gendered style of their behaviour.
In my clinical work I have come across this phenomenon. For example, a woman I now consider to be of the ‘female’-type of psychopath didn’t come close to committing a crime and yet the way she mothered her daughter, my patient, came close to destroying the child’s mind. This seems to me to be a perversion of motherhood eqivalent to the perversion of fatherhood we read about on this website.
Do readers have any comments? I’m particularly interested in any examples you might have of how ‘female’ psychopathy – if such a thing does exist – manifests itself?
Dear blue Skies;
While I am in agreement to move forward I also know the cunningess of my own personal S woman. Until I feel she is safety away from me for good I am keeping the old emails just in case I may need them for legal reasons. The point of view i re-read these emails is completely different now from the way i read them when the wool was pulled over my eyes. i see her now for the snake she is. I don’t go there to read the emails everyday. Since NC I was only in them once which was the other evening. I don’t intend to go there again unless I need to. I am stronger now. i know I don’t need them. But the evidence is there in case I may need it. Just telling you this.
I suspect this is the type of experience you are looking for. My mother favored my older sister and tolerated my younger one. She was very calculating in that she would not allow others to see how she treated me. In one instance I had been stung by a wasp while at the beach with neighbors. I was rushed to the Doctor the next day because my whole leg swelled up. The doctor believed I possibly was allergic and would require a bee sting allergy shot should I be stung again. He was very clear to my Mother and Aunt and myself what could happen if I didn’t have the shot with me. The neighbor was concerned about the sting and asked my Mom what the doctor said and my mother told her about the allergy kit with the shot.
The next time the neighbor invited me to the beach I ran home and asked my mother if I could go. She said I could. I asked about the bee sting kit and my mom said I couldn’t take it. I went back to the neighbors house and said I could go. She asked if I had brought the bee sting kit. I told her my mom wouldn’t let me take it. The neighbor thought I was mistaken and told me to go back home to get the kit, she told her daughter to go with me but to stay outside and wait for me. Back then we did not have air conditioning and my mother did not know the neighbors daughter was right outside the door. My mother stated that she had already told me I couldn’t take it. The neighbors daughter and I returned to her house and she repeated what my mother had said. Her mother then cancelled the trip. Several days later the neighbor once again invited me to the beach. She then showed me a bee sting kit with a shot and told me I didn’t have to worry that from now on she would bring the one she had in case I needed it. I don’t think the neighbor ever confronted my mother but I do think she was aware that there was something seriously wrong. I went to the beach and other places hundreds of times sometimes hours away and my mother never once let me take the bee sting kit.
Rdthesmartie:
Thank you for posting that.
It’s a perfect snapshot of how a psychopathic mother “cares” for her children.
I hope you are free from the abuse that you must have endured as a child, and that you are OK.
Dear Rdthesmartie,
Boy, that sure made you FEEL LOVED didn’t it! I am also allergic to bee stings and also a retired nurse practitioner so I know how serious it can be not to have the Epi pen (shot) with you, a matter of minutes without it = death!
Your neighbor was a good person, I know it would have been hard (especially in those earlier days) to confront your mother about that.
I’m sorry you had this neglect and just plain UN-love, but the thing is that as adults, we must (and can) nurture our “inner child” and give her the care and love she deserves! WE DESERVE IT. Sorry you didn’t have that as a child which would have been a lot easier childhood, but we don’t have to let it ruin the rest of our lives!
I firmly believe there is a heaven and a hell, and I think that anyone who had abused or neglected a child won’t wind up in heaven. Even on THIS earth there is some Justice, even if it means that they wind up alone in their old age, bitter and filled with hate.
Keep on the path toward the light, it can’t be overcome with their darkness….even a little light ALWAYS drives back the darkness. (((hugs)))) and God bless.
Dear Rdthesmartie ;
I feel your pain. My bro in law has it correct in describing how the middle children are treated in families. Hold up three fingers in your case.The last one born is the baby fold down your index finger.. The first born is treated with kid gloves..put down the longest finger next to the pinky.. That leaves the middle born kids and the middle finger is what we get! So true! But then if you have the added problem of a S father or mother.. you ARE REALLY SCREWED!
Waddayathink Folks?
http://abcnews.go.com/TheLaw/duke-lacrosse-rape-accuser-charged-attempted-murder/story?id=9873093
I’ve come to the conclusion in my search for answers is that the vast majority of sociopaths are not violent (not because they don’t have the propensity to do so). I will say I’m fairly ‘new’ to this and am trying to get an understanding as to what I’ve observed and I suppose ‘know your enemy’? I believe she knows I am on to her and I’m sure from what I’ve read that just because I’ve cut off contact that it’s not the end. I am afraid of retribution honestly.
I know this a rather old post but what I’ve observed is the following with a person I am becoming more and more sure is a sociopath:
Parasitic lifestyle
Lying or embellishing to make herself look the victim
Manipulation
Total cavalier attitude regarding others time and money
Playing the role of the damsel in distress for pity
No planning ahead even for basic needs
Very observant of others behavior
Flattery
Seems to enjoy conflict between others & sets up situations so there will be conflict
Sneaky -listening in on conversations
Rather closed about herself (doesn’t give much information but wants to know everything about others)
Consistently late
No emotion when she is being verbally attacked due to her behavior
Always making empty promises
Many failed business deals
Unable to hold a job
Unaffected by serious life situations such as legal or monetary problems
Rather a ‘blank’ face
Odd reasoning and beliefs
There may be other things as I think about them but basically these are the things I’ve observed.
Zen, youre right on the money. This describes my spath daughter to a T .She ticks every box listed above, she isa con, a liar, a thief, has embezzled a large sum of money from a previou employer, {A$62,000!},she cant keep a job altho every new job is going to be “the one”,empty promises,master manipulater,no conscience,esp. legal and monetary problems, is always the “victim”, hasa blank face, registers little emotion, except acute excitement, anger, or boredom, or jealosy.This is her, and at almost 46 yearof age, I now know she will NEVER CHANGE, and she is on her own now, as I wont be baling her out ever again. She has leeched over A$10,000 out of me in the last 3 years.NO MORE!!I dont feel sorry for her any more, she has done it all to herself.
Love, Gem.PS, Yes she HAS been violent to me, but a long time ago when she was 19, she tried to kill me by hurling a red hot steam iron at my head. Luckily it missed.
hi gem,
i don’t remember (ye olde ptsd brain) if it was you or witty who suggested I ‘simplify’ right now, to lighten my load of ‘must do’. i am down to bare bones- and really the only thing left to let go of is being here much. so i have and i will for a bit, until i get through the next few days.
so thank you to whomever suggested it.
xoxo to all
Geminigirl, what amazes me is that to me this is obvious re this person but isn’t to the ones closest to her who it would seem would be aware. The only thing I can chalk it up to, is that they’ve invested a lot of emotion and have believed what she says.
In reading your description of your daughter, I went back and found a text message she forwarded, thinking it would evoke sympathy for her and show how ‘crazy’ the person who sent it is. What I saw was that others have experienced the same thing as me!
Here is a tiny portion of that message:
“No word of honor no matter who you want to blame, your ego self centered, sick selfish manners All that came out mouth was I want, I want, I want!! ”
I’ve only known this person about 4 or 5 years so I don’t know everything about her past other than this, her family other than her father has totally cut her off. I do not know the reason but a huge red flag. Of course, SHE is the one that has been victimized.