We know only too well that by far the majority of psychopaths are men. Or at least we think we know that. Could it be that the criteria used to identify psychopaths are biased towards men? After all Hare began his work in male prison.
Think about it. While behaving and being the way the PCL-R without doubt earns one the label psychopath, this is simply a list of symptoms. It says nothing about the underlying dynamics. If psychopathy is life centered on the principle of power (as opposed to love) and if it is therefore characterised by what Liane Leedom nicely calls ‘warped empathy‘, then wouldn’t you expect there to be more or less the same number of woman as men psychopaths? And wouldn’t you expect them to come across differently?
I am beginning to wonder whether there may be two broad types of psychopathy – a ‘male’-type and a ‘female’-type. I place these in quotes because, when I think about it, men with might be thought of as ‘female’ psychopathy come to mind and we all know about women with ‘male’ psychopathy. And yet, at the risk of being un-PC, I want to maintain these descriptors for now so that the difference I think I see doesn’t disappear.
A ‘female’ psychopath would not necessarily commit crimianl/antisocial acts like her male counterpart, but she woud be as power-driven, as toxically narcissistic as a ‘male’ psychopath. The control, the manipulation, the dishonesty, the selfishness, the callousness – all these would be present, but we might not recognise them for what they are because of 1. media portrayal and 2. medical diagnosis of psychopaths. The difference would come in the gendered style of their behaviour.
In my clinical work I have come across this phenomenon. For example, a woman I now consider to be of the ‘female’-type of psychopath didn’t come close to committing a crime and yet the way she mothered her daughter, my patient, came close to destroying the child’s mind. This seems to me to be a perversion of motherhood eqivalent to the perversion of fatherhood we read about on this website.
Do readers have any comments? I’m particularly interested in any examples you might have of how ‘female’ psychopathy – if such a thing does exist – manifests itself?
I should clarify : ‘You do this and that.’ He wasn’t giving me a solution but rather saying basically you figure and work it out. Your problem. I almost relented and said I wasn’t leaving but I laid in bed thinking about a lot of things that have happened and asked myself can you truthfully live like this any longer? The answer was no.
Good for you, Zen. Be vigilant and brighest blessings.
Zen – day 45 is coming to an end, then it will be 44 days. I am so glad that you are making this move. 🙂 good for you!
please do what is needed to protect yourself, any assets and your belongings.
best,
onestep
I do think female P’s don’t get caught as often. The two I knew as “friends” both used men without remorse. A was very pretty, looked much younger than she was and had an excellent pity story. When she got pregnant, her husband had to PAY her not to abort. I was there one time when her son was visiting and she behaved exactly like any deadbeat father, making promises, acting like she adored him, while never planning to honor those plans for a second. This was while she was living with another husband who she was divorcing…but she couldn’t afford to move out so was still living off him. How she met these nice men who obviously were trying to rescue her was a mystery to me.
B really did have a horrendous background. She is an equal opportunity abuser. I really did think this person was sweet and put upon, even though I knew (and she admitted) she was a liar. She blamed this on having a minor stroke and confusing reality. (so not her fault, really. She had a pity story for everything bad thing she did, also lies) She also introduced me to an ex boyfriend of hers, while quite bright she has NO sense of consequences. He warned me and I kept saying, no, she is really trying to change. Finally one day I emailed him “I hate saying this, but you were right, I was wrong.” Last I heard, she was in Mexico to visit her daughter. I think she just made it too hot to stay locally. However, two good things did happen out of this. I got to tell her exactly what I thought of her, which I rarely do, and made a new friend. I even learned some Spanish. One thing that bothers me, these people drop children like litters of puppies. She had ten children, never raised a one of them.
If my X had to be classified, I’d put him in the “female” catagory. Really invested in his “good guy” image, can cry at the drop of a hat, and being brought up by his mother and sister, identifies more with females than males. Doesn’t get physically violent (it would be beneath him, LOL) but perfectly willing to poison. Manipulates more like a woman than a man.
I have just finished a GREAT book…the title is “Venus, The Dark Side”……it deals with female sociopaths and wow is it ever an eye opener !! Every man should get this book…I want to secretly get it into the hands of my son in law….but he would probably just rat me out to his little S-path wife. A year later he still won’t speak to a cousin of his that had proof of her sleeping around and confronted him with the evidence and he still took up for the S-path….Lord, help this poor man..she is the most cunning little creature I have ever encountered. This is just my experience, but I think they have higher testosterone than the average woman…she always liked dangerous stuff usually associated with male activities…she had ZERO boobs…(she has since bought her some DD’s). Now she can dress up really well, but there is just this undercurrent of masculinity in everything she does.
Although she puts up a huge front of being crazy about her kids….when they were babies…I always thought this was odd….when she would feed them their bottles, she would hold them in her lap facing away from her and bring the bottle around the baby and feed them from the back. I just have never seen any woman feed their infants like that….no warm, cozy contact. I didn’t realize it at the time, but when her last one was born 5 yrs. ago every single time I went over there the baby was asleep in this little Moses basket…every single time…I blew it off that it was just my timing, but I don’t think I ever saw that child awake until she was about 3 months old…now I wasn’t there but maybe twice a week, but it just struck me as odd, and I have often wondered if she was drugging the baby to make it sleep…the baby is 5 now, and seems fine though…so many things are now making sense to me since I found this blog and am reading other stories..with this blog and strength from God I am now seeing that all these years she has tried to keep in condemnation so that she would have the upper hand….she makes no secret of what an awful mother I was , and has always used that as her trump card…and it has always worked ..but no more…..I cannot live in the past, I did the best I could and I need to move forward….no more rear view mirrors for me….thanks friends for letting me vent….
I have above average testosterone levels…I deal with it…I got fucked over because of it…not the only reason I got f*kd over…..outgoing ..trusting… need I say more??? I could but it don’t matter……………
My God, CreamPuff, this is what my daughter did! She always held her first baby, Holly, in a body harness with the baby facing OUTWARDS, never facing into her breast!She wouldnt breast feed any of them. All three kids were in daycare from 3 months of age!Long daycare, from 8.30 till 6 pm, so she could have a career.Ive never seen her cuddling any of them. fortunately, her ex hubby is very huggy and cuddly with them.They were at our house a year ago, kids and husband horsing around, she was glaring at them as she was trying to read a magazine. Husband said,”Its called FUN, Deb!’ never forget it!
My other spath daughter, D gave me a picture of her with her small toddler, toddler was hugging her around the knees, and looked like she was begging to be picked up, spath D totally ignoring her and gazing into space.!Love, Gem.XX
Gemini Girl……we must have a lot in common….I really have never seen a mother hold her baby like that…..so it’s your bio daughter that is a S ? Can you tell me your story so I can compare? All this is blowing me away !! I have a bio and a step daughter and they both are S- paths !!!!!!!! I know people will not believe me, but looking back at my husband’s and my past…we both are very sweet, gullible types……the perfect bait for S’s….and boy did we ever take the bait….my bio daughter is just like her father and his bio daughter is just like her mother…it all makes sense now..we have a daughter together that is so sweet and nothing like her sisters…although they all 3 were raised in the same house with us……..we had custody of both of the S path girls because OF COURSE their bio parents had split……..IT’S GENETIC……..HAS TO BE !!!!!!!
Gemini and Creampuff-
That is exactly like my hubby’s exwife! She would actually send my infant stepdaughter to our house with explicit instructions to fill her bottle in 1/3’s with water, formula and cereal because she didn’t have time to actually feed her. It ended up being a sludge, and she sent along “special” bottles that she had cut the tip of in order to give it to the child. The child never wanted to settle down and cuddle either. When we would hold her, she would twist around in our arms so that she faced away.
Just recently, my husband was dropping his daughters off at daycare, and one of the moms was hanging around. Before he left, she came up to him and said, “I live in the same apartments as your ex-wife, and I thought you should know that she lets your kids run around in the parking lot by themselves with cars rushing by. She’s up in her apartment, not paying any attention, and nobody looks when they’re backing out or turning in.” We’ve heard that before from the previous daycare she had them at. They had said she let them run around the parking lot there after she’d pick them up because she was flirting with the dads that were picking up their kids.
Just recently she threw a massive fit because we had bought a USED Tahoe. She sent her abusive boyfriend to my stepson’s school to eat lunch with him because my husband was “too busy worrying about a new car to care about giving his son much-needed attention.” Then, a few days later, she watched an old home movie of her wedding to my husband with their 5 year old daughter. My stepdaughter told me that “Mommy said she could be married to Daddy again and she wants to live with us, and in the movie, she was crying and I said Mommy you’re going to make me cry and then I started crying. I want Mommy to be married to Daddy again.”
I hate the way she’s using the children’s emotions to get her sympathy fix. There is so much more to the story…
Well, honey…do tell…..I can just imagine your rage…..and you really have no outlet for it….I remember once when my husband and I were in FL on vacation and the step daughter’s Mom’s father died (my husband’s former father in law) and the ex tries to track us down in FL because she needed my husband to bring the little girl back to GA and she also needed him in her time of grief……give me a break…the old man died at home because the wife and daughter (both s-paths) just let him lay there and get sicker and sicker and never bothered to take him to the Dr. She also had skipped out on my husband and left the step daughter with him and we never even knew where she was…but now she needed him!! Don’t they have the nerve?? She would blow through town about every 7 years and try to play Mommy for about 2 days and then she was off again….Now my bio daughter that is also S-path…has 3 little girls 8 and under…and she has had Dfacs involved several times because she lets them run around and play outside while she is asleep !! They never have any more to eat than McDonald’s..it is just so sad how they have to live..I have to work and live an hour away and it is so hard…I spend every dime I make on them and she is a nurse…RN in a big hospital but claims she has no money…I was exactly where you are now…..we have been married 30 years so this is a road I know well….just try to be honest with your husband and express your feelings…I always bottled mine up and it has really taken a terrible toll on me..mentally and physically….so get help if you need to…or run and vent to me…these women just think they can get the husband back anytime they want just for the asking ??? Where do they get off? Go for a walk , call a friend, vent on here, but please try not to let it drive you crazy…I became an insomniac big time, started overeating, have to take 2 kinds of antidepressants …all just to be somewhat level…the internal rage you feel is so isolating….and your husband’s ex being the animal that she is just thinks it’s funny…BTW ..my husband’s ex is now 60 years old and she is not one bit different than she has ever been..they don’t grow out of it..Hugs to you friend…keep in touch