We know only too well that by far the majority of psychopaths are men. Or at least we think we know that. Could it be that the criteria used to identify psychopaths are biased towards men? After all Hare began his work in male prison.
Think about it. While behaving and being the way the PCL-R without doubt earns one the label psychopath, this is simply a list of symptoms. It says nothing about the underlying dynamics. If psychopathy is life centered on the principle of power (as opposed to love) and if it is therefore characterised by what Liane Leedom nicely calls ‘warped empathy‘, then wouldn’t you expect there to be more or less the same number of woman as men psychopaths? And wouldn’t you expect them to come across differently?
I am beginning to wonder whether there may be two broad types of psychopathy – a ‘male’-type and a ‘female’-type. I place these in quotes because, when I think about it, men with might be thought of as ‘female’ psychopathy come to mind and we all know about women with ‘male’ psychopathy. And yet, at the risk of being un-PC, I want to maintain these descriptors for now so that the difference I think I see doesn’t disappear.
A ‘female’ psychopath would not necessarily commit crimianl/antisocial acts like her male counterpart, but she woud be as power-driven, as toxically narcissistic as a ‘male’ psychopath. The control, the manipulation, the dishonesty, the selfishness, the callousness – all these would be present, but we might not recognise them for what they are because of 1. media portrayal and 2. medical diagnosis of psychopaths. The difference would come in the gendered style of their behaviour.
In my clinical work I have come across this phenomenon. For example, a woman I now consider to be of the ‘female’-type of psychopath didn’t come close to committing a crime and yet the way she mothered her daughter, my patient, came close to destroying the child’s mind. This seems to me to be a perversion of motherhood eqivalent to the perversion of fatherhood we read about on this website.
Do readers have any comments? I’m particularly interested in any examples you might have of how ‘female’ psychopathy – if such a thing does exist – manifests itself?
I can indeed. Thank you for validating me the way I did you. It serves me a small comfort however that she isn’t your child, but the product of somebody else. The only way I find to maintain my stance is by simply avoiding getting involved. I do wonder one day if by any hope the boys, the men, the males will notice a pattern. The source of all information derives from the same place (person).
The consistent thing I have done is avoided talking to these men that the spath gathers round. They certainly can’t and wont speak to me, because the allegations serve a knee jerk reaction in them, thus avoiding me like the plague. All it takes is a chain of phonecalls, emails, letters from the sociopath – a convincing evolving storyline that can take months or years. They orchestrate a scheme and I’m trapped and any response out of me (a normal response of outrage and of course being emotionally battered will provoke victims to lash out) and BINGO, she’s got my reaction which fortunate for her has witnesses.
This is a compelling dynamic. Just think it takes a hell of a lot of energy on her part. Sadly, for sociopaths; all that energy scheming, plotting etc is as natural as breathing, so what is so easy for them causes destruction.
Another way to view this is to hold a tiny opening of forgiveness (f that’s the right word) for the men, because they are themselves being deceived. You become aware that in order to survive themselves, sociopaths can only depend of deception; it is the only way they know. We get along via humane kindness, empathy. They are sorely lacking in something they seek from males, they can’t love them the way you and I ca. they can only seek male’s love by deceiving them also. The love they receive is a product of manipulation, black widow-style. I can’t blame my brothers to much, but I can hurt by their sudden change of perception of the quietest person they ever knew. Because I’m so quiet, but finally had a voice when I ‘saw the light’ the first voice I had was one entrenched in anger (which is a normal reaction) at all the injustice.
How to deal with the males, the females, the appeasers, the apologists. If it takes us many years to see the light, it could take them many years of this. I now see why persistent NC is so important. I am depending on this for my safety (maintaining MY mental health), and by way of trying to give off a distinct message saying “look how I am actively avoiding the same person again and again and again – what does that say to you, men who gather round my sociopath?”
Maintain your good role as a Christian; treat others (even sociopaths) the way you would like to be treated, I guess. It is the how to deal with the male population around female sociopaths that I would iek to know.
My female S neighbour loss all the friends she shared after her husband died. That gives me a wonderful comfort. ( I hope people understand why I just wrote that. People were not willing to maintain contact with her; it seems it was only her husband they loved (as everyone did). She is one very negative energy to be around. Toxic vibe she gives off. In 28 years I’ve never seen a smile on her face once. Spath sister is charming and a magentic dynamic, BUT vacuous, depthless character. Her vibrant personality is her mask – a ferocious one as ferocious as her sinister side. Equal measures.
Visulaise a textbook. Lots of white pages with text on. That text is this site or any article, anything you’ve read about abusers, antisocial personality disorder. Each time she opens her mouth to talk. Each time she walks across a room innocently in her strut, visualise a slow motion page turning over. Imagine a rostrum camera panning across pages, paragraphs, texts, bullet notes, headers within this textbook. She is in fact exhibiting all these traits. It kind of distracts you from observing her sly moves second by second, and instead focuses your mind to observe the traits, the texts, the high profile sociopaths, the pages of posts you read on here.
I’ve observed sociopathic behaviour in the same person in her 5th year, her 10th, her 15th, 20th, 25th, 30th, 35, and months from her 40th. She is a text book from contents page to index. She has an ISBN.. ! She even has a jacket – a cover, a mask.
creampuff, typing your name just made me smile 😀
Outlier, good analogy–you can judge this book by its contents!
Outlier, Creampuff, I wish you could both ask Donna if its OK for me to give her my email address so she can give it to you. Than I can send you a couple of pics of my older spath daughter. Id appreciate your views on the way she looks.
Love,
Mama gem
Star, Thank you for your loving words. My tooth was removed, then got a dry socket,{agony!} it was packed with a sedative dressing, and its OK now, thank God!
Im visiting girlfriends in Edinburgh, nth berwick, and also doing a cooking course near stirling, a place called Lake of Menteith. Not long to go now! Im always nervous beforea long trip, but Ok as soon as Im on the plane. I just hope that the volcanic ash is cleared by then! Love,
MamaGem.XX
[OOPS?!] …Even in counselling; I’m avoiding talking about the specifics, or one hour would pass without covering how to deal with the dynamics. What is compelling yet again is how for 25 years I described in my analysis the entire personality a sociopath owns without knowing what a S was and what they did. The advantage is seeing one person marked in their behaviour; she exposed herself liberally (her malice, her gameplay) without realising how much she gives away. I know thoroughly inside out; can see right through her. It appears she has covered all the basics, all the fundamental basic abuses as read in text. Despite not knowing what she will do next, it is predictable and I’m sure someone else will relate to new dynamics or games.
The beauty is the contrast you see in people who do not have the disorder. They don’t occupy your thoughts; they are reminders that these oddball personalities do not appear in everybody.
Remember, remember, remember. What can last a matter of minutes, moments (the slander, lies), has the effect of breathing in our minds for far longer. What is water off a duck’s back for them, can feel like removing thick grease from our feathers, which takes a long time. So try to understand what takes a minute or less for them to spout their abuse, they walk away and it’s over. No loss to them. Try to see their behaviour the same way. Let it drip off your consciousness as quickly as it appears in their head. Granted; they may take weeks to orchestrate a trap for us, but it’s just that. It’s not based on facts (but lies), based on their addiction to seek revenge. They need to keep their power above the line if it drops they find a target. Understand the relief they feel is superficial. View their abuse as superficial also. Visualise cutting the strings on the puppet they have in their mind. There are no strings – only in their minds.
I’ve started looking into writing workshops; this play thing is a small positive thing I can work on. A kind of balance and a great way to view the abuse using a different set of eyes.
Ah, the first bit of above post appeared, then disappeared. It said something like it’s a good sign I am able to post objectively (like most people here) and not with emotionally charged posts (as is usually the case with me). The advantage I had is having the insight, the most important and life altering thing I have experienced is seeing years of abuse validated. For several years sites and forums knew about Narc & Socio abuse. I wish I’d known years ago, but sadly I think in order to actually GET IT, I had to experience it. It’s a horrible hindsight revelation. I don’t even talk too much about the specifics, but just the way to deal with the abuse. It’s harder than I thought to out rightly state sis did/does x, y, z. Because there is a large crowd that has silenced me, or I am simply not accustomed to talking in detail (b/c it so detailed and could bore the strongest of constitution listener!). So I found Tim Field’s site (that details all the traits in minte detail) my bible. The examples of abuse predominantly appear on this site (via comments & blogging), which TF’s site doesn’t have.
creampuff, I’m not sure how to go about this safely, so long as anonymity is preserved; if sharing any pictures means something to you; I’ll help in any way you feel appropriate. I must go to the Edinburgh Festival this year; to many years have passed since I last enjoyed. [sorry if I’m babbling]..
Sincere apologies, that last paragraph meant to say “geminigirl”, not creampuff (which I love typing b/c it’s a word of fun)!
Outlier,
What you said, “The beauty is the contrast you see in people who do not have this disorder. They don’t occupy your thoughts; they are reminders that these oddball personalities do not appear in everyone” is so true. The only one who has ever consumed my thought life so much is my h-spath, the disordered person. I hadn’t thought about it this way until I read that part of your post. I want to be able to not think so much about him because my thoughts are downers.
CreamPuff, I need to talk to you . Can you please ask Donna if she can give you my email address? Love, gem.XX
bluejay, the disordered individual is the highest maintanance people we’ll ever meet. Normal people area breeze and a breath of fresh air. Spending time with them is so vital to balance ptsd and life.
I’ve been reminded of something so ugly, something I couldnt fully allow myself to register as this is a new violation. Please, I need to ask is it normal for a female sociopath to destroy their target’s possessions? One two separate occasions a beautiful binded book of my mother’s recipes I have lovingly created with step-by-step photographs and memoirs has been ripped at the first page, so the cover hangs. It would require forceful tearing to achieve this. It is strong bind cover and this kind of inner lining doesn’t tear easily unless grab it and pull hard! It always sat on a shelf and I discovered its state an hour after she left. It has my sister ‘written all over it’.
Also about 30 necklaces of mine were returned to me broken. Again, these beads cannot be broken by a 4 year – her daughter used them to play dress up, she ins’t the kind of girl who can possibly pull them apart and they’re huge on her. An adult clearly pulled them. I noticed both specifically after a visit by my sociopath sister. I don’t care about the necklaces, even though it amounts to hundreds of pounds, and I can no longer wear them. But the book is torn at the beginning when my mother’s and I pictures appears. I saw my sister flicking through the page with intense rage (envy) at my effort – this book is typical of what I do and is a personal highly creative and treasured possession. Is it a trait that sociopaths destrcut their target’s things. I am incensed and can’t bring myself to fear that this is a new form of torture. 30 necklaces pulled apart, a strong binded book that means so much to me torn when my picture appears at its cover. If I confronted her husband about this he would possibly sue me. And he is a good person totally poisoned by his wife. I feel sick.