We know only too well that by far the majority of psychopaths are men. Or at least we think we know that. Could it be that the criteria used to identify psychopaths are biased towards men? After all Hare began his work in male prison.
Think about it. While behaving and being the way the PCL-R without doubt earns one the label psychopath, this is simply a list of symptoms. It says nothing about the underlying dynamics. If psychopathy is life centered on the principle of power (as opposed to love) and if it is therefore characterised by what Liane Leedom nicely calls ‘warped empathy‘, then wouldn’t you expect there to be more or less the same number of woman as men psychopaths? And wouldn’t you expect them to come across differently?
I am beginning to wonder whether there may be two broad types of psychopathy – a ‘male’-type and a ‘female’-type. I place these in quotes because, when I think about it, men with might be thought of as ‘female’ psychopathy come to mind and we all know about women with ‘male’ psychopathy. And yet, at the risk of being un-PC, I want to maintain these descriptors for now so that the difference I think I see doesn’t disappear.
A ‘female’ psychopath would not necessarily commit crimianl/antisocial acts like her male counterpart, but she woud be as power-driven, as toxically narcissistic as a ‘male’ psychopath. The control, the manipulation, the dishonesty, the selfishness, the callousness – all these would be present, but we might not recognise them for what they are because of 1. media portrayal and 2. medical diagnosis of psychopaths. The difference would come in the gendered style of their behaviour.
In my clinical work I have come across this phenomenon. For example, a woman I now consider to be of the ‘female’-type of psychopath didn’t come close to committing a crime and yet the way she mothered her daughter, my patient, came close to destroying the child’s mind. This seems to me to be a perversion of motherhood eqivalent to the perversion of fatherhood we read about on this website.
Do readers have any comments? I’m particularly interested in any examples you might have of how ‘female’ psychopathy – if such a thing does exist – manifests itself?
Lee,
First, it is very unwise to post your e mail addy here, and would be unwise for any of the bloggers here to address you via that. That is why we blog here safely on LoveFraud.
Secondly, there is no way anyone can save anyone else. This site is now about how you can save others, but how we can save ourselves and heal.
What this woman is sounds pretty dysfunctional at the very least, and the best advice any of us have for anyone who is associating with a dysfunctional person is NO CONTACT with that person. If one must work with that person or co-parent with them, then it should be done at the greatest distance possible and with as little contact as possible.
I suggest that you are better off keeping away from this person than in interacting with them. You are not responsible for trying to force therapy on someone else.
If you were afraid to get into the vehicle with a person due to the conditions in the area, I suggest that you don’t repeat that behavior again. In the meantime, if you have problems in addition to your apparent desire to “save” someone else, you might seek out a 12 step program for co-dependents either in person or on line.
Greg Wray,
In my opinion, you have pegged your ex-girfriend correctly, a sociopath. Stay clear of her – she’s nothing but trouble. Just from your post, she strikes me as someone who plays people, using others to get what she wants from the “relationship” (there is no actual relationship), appearing to be lacking emotionally, not remorseful over her actions (which are selfish and hurtful toward others). I feel badly for her autistic son.
Lee:
And WHY do you care?
What you don’t state is….what’s in it for you?
People don’t do things they don’t benefit from, in some way.
Be honest with yourself….and ask yourself….WHY Do I care.
Omission is not honesty.
Hey, EB, where have you been today, perching on a gray rock?
I just got back from a birdwatching trip and saw this great huge bird perched on a big gray rock—It just sat there, looking around like it thought a worm would pop up for it to fly down and grab. I have to look up in my book and see what kind of bird it was, I’m not sure, they aren’t apparently too common here, but I have seen them from time to time just never took time to identify the variety.
What is the latest with the hunt for the X-spath? Is he still on the loose or have the cops picked him up yet? Inquiring minds want to know!
Oh Oxy…..yeah….that bird on that grey rock was me…..looking down atcha…..
I feel like i’ve been perched on a rock for a week!!!
The DA called and if spath comes up with a ‘working’ story…..there is not enough to revoke.
I said…..ofcourse….he’ll say whatever and so will his cronies….BUT….Gainful employment does not mean it cant’ be cash work.
So…..it’s just as good as drug dealing…..give him a ‘permit’ to sell dope.
I told her….Her hands may be tied, but mine sure ain’t.
I WILL be having service of papers a week from Tuesday in XX State, on a layover….
I informed cops he’s known to travel with drugs up his anal cavity….might want to take the dogs along…..it’ll be on his 1 hour layover, he’ll be SHOCKED. That gives me giggles! Even better if they catch him with something….even a small amount…..anything!
Got kinda a creepy feeling about the cops who ‘vulunteered’ to serve as he arrived at airport. It was a Lt. with PD in tropics. In the end….he gave me an address to send all docs….BUT….it was his HOME address….and said send him $100 bucks to ‘do it’.
I started thinking, this was not such a good idea…..I KNOW the cops in the tropics are corrupt, especially this place…..and I could see him beating spath up and robbing him and then serving the papers and ME being accused of hiring thugs to get him.
YEAH…….NO, just want him served!!!!! Thats it!
Why would a cop give me his home address and ask for $100 buck cash…..to do a LEGAL LAW ENFORCEMENT JOB!
So….didn’t expect that cog…….and don’t want anything to do with corrupt cops…..
So….Plan C is in place.
I don’t get to serve him ALL documents, just the stalking/h order……with plan C.
So….I know where princess leia lives and his other cronie….I will send those there….AND to his criminal attroney.
The things we encounter are weirder than I ever thought!
Trust the GUT!
🙂
Yea,I trust my gut about the bird sitting on the rock too….still haven’t identified just exactly what species it is, but it is some kind of vulture for sure…
Was that police officer in a US STATE? Or was he in another country? Serving papers though I don’t think is a routine cop’s duty, at least in my state it isn’t, and you have to hire a deputy or city PD to serve papers. For like small claim’s court it is $12.50 to get them mailed (legal service) or $50 for a cop to serve them (and that amount is out of date by several years probably) I usually pop for the $50 to get the old heart pumping when a cop car drives up in the front yard…hee hee
I not only agree to the “female” type sociopath but experienced it an a gay relationship.
My x-spath showed little external signs of violence, perhaps due to his small stature (5’8″ and 140#). He describes himself as “chill” but around me he always seemed nervous, perhaps because he was hiding so much.
I have been on both sides of the situation where you meet somebody, there is initial attraction, and in the course of dating you realize this relationship does not have long-term potential, for whatever reason.
For me, ending even a shot-term fling has always hard, as I emphasize with hurt feelings.
When my x-spath dumped me, the ending was swift and completely unexpected. And callous beyond belief:
– I called him and he said he needed to run and that he had sent me an email.
– This was one day after he spent an night with me in the hospital — upon his insistence he go to the hospital.
– I was bedridden with shingles and facing the strong possibility of being HIV+.
– It was one week before Christmas.
– One week after I was illegally terminated from my job.
Essentially, the lowest moment of my life and the only thing that kept me from feeling really bad was my thinking that I found somebody caring and supportive.
This order must be served by law enforcment. Not a private process server. There is also NOT a charge for DV orders for service.
Yes….it’s in the US….and it’s required to be served by that states Sheriffs office….they have duristiction…..there was 3 days of ‘ordeal’ on duristiction……
No one wants to do their job….and they all want ‘side’ money.
No go here…..I am only looking for ‘above board’…….
I can fight like a spath…..but there IS a line I draw!!!! I DON”T do anything illegal.
I’m pretty sure this cop was looking for some paid fun….and gain……on my trouble!
NOT!
Dear EB, not sure how much longer I can open these long threads so if I don’t answer on this thread will on another.
That makes sense about serving a DV order being done by a COP as part of his duties, not “paid”—around here the cops do service “off duty” for a fee for civil, small claims, and other services—and since I have not filed a restraining order or DV don’t know how that is done.
Yea, is there anyone you can report that cop to? I think I WOULD do that! He sounds like he is a cop in a 3rd world country or something. Or maybe he is just too stupid to know the law. Maybe his boss, or his boss’s boss, or the local newspaper knows what the law is! That sort of chaps my chops on that kind of carp!
BBE, yea they enjoy kicking you when you are down it seems!
Ya know oxy…..that whole force is corrupt.
It’s ‘common’ knowledge!
I don’t want to ‘alert’ anyone to tipping spathy off…..so i’m just going to bow out gracefully.
Thanks Lt. but I got it handled. 🙂