We know only too well that by far the majority of psychopaths are men. Or at least we think we know that. Could it be that the criteria used to identify psychopaths are biased towards men? After all Hare began his work in male prison.
Think about it. While behaving and being the way the PCL-R without doubt earns one the label psychopath, this is simply a list of symptoms. It says nothing about the underlying dynamics. If psychopathy is life centered on the principle of power (as opposed to love) and if it is therefore characterised by what Liane Leedom nicely calls ‘warped empathy‘, then wouldn’t you expect there to be more or less the same number of woman as men psychopaths? And wouldn’t you expect them to come across differently?
I am beginning to wonder whether there may be two broad types of psychopathy – a ‘male’-type and a ‘female’-type. I place these in quotes because, when I think about it, men with might be thought of as ‘female’ psychopathy come to mind and we all know about women with ‘male’ psychopathy. And yet, at the risk of being un-PC, I want to maintain these descriptors for now so that the difference I think I see doesn’t disappear.
A ‘female’ psychopath would not necessarily commit crimianl/antisocial acts like her male counterpart, but she woud be as power-driven, as toxically narcissistic as a ‘male’ psychopath. The control, the manipulation, the dishonesty, the selfishness, the callousness – all these would be present, but we might not recognise them for what they are because of 1. media portrayal and 2. medical diagnosis of psychopaths. The difference would come in the gendered style of their behaviour.
In my clinical work I have come across this phenomenon. For example, a woman I now consider to be of the ‘female’-type of psychopath didn’t come close to committing a crime and yet the way she mothered her daughter, my patient, came close to destroying the child’s mind. This seems to me to be a perversion of motherhood eqivalent to the perversion of fatherhood we read about on this website.
Do readers have any comments? I’m particularly interested in any examples you might have of how ‘female’ psychopathy – if such a thing does exist – manifests itself?
here’s a link to part 1 of the video Oxy refers to above:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cKn4IYpXK6g
p.s. there are a total of 5 available to view on youtube
Thanks Hope2heal, I have limited access to internet (5 gig per mo) so utube videos eat my internet time so I really don’t even know how to find the videos but I did make an exception to watch THAT ONE a year or two ago when it first came out. THat man is SUCH A CREEP-O!!!! And his book is so self serving, and his pretense to be a “benign” and CARING narcissistic person— ROTFLMAO for sure! He is simply another exconvict self-agrandizing psychopathic piece of carp!
Oxy ~ Thank you for giving me the direction to go and see this nasty character. I feel lucky that I have not been exposed to one quite like him. He is definitely YUCK!!!! The sound of his voice even bothered me. I did watch all 5 clips.
I have very good internet now. Not so, about 6 months ago. It can be tough to come by in rural areas. So, if there’s something you’d like looked up, give me a shout, I’d be happy to help. 🙂
Dear Hope,
Thank you so much….it is just that the videos take up so much of my gigs that I can’t watch them very often….so I appreciate your offer. If you see I mention one on LF if you’d post the link like you did on this one it would help others to find it. THANKS!!!!
Thank you all who wrote such kind and supportive words. Right now I am just in so much pain as I look at the wreckage around me. Years ago my daughter started a vendetta which I learned about from a friend. She and I used to have a pretty good relationship – I realize now that that was only based on her getting what she wanted from me and as she matured I expected her to become independent — a source of great stress and sometimes she was violent toward me about this. Back to her vendetta – What she essentially did was to visit each member of my immediate family (4 siblings) and several of my closest friends. She identified each of their vulnerabilities and the proceeded to tell them an ( untrue) story about something I had said about them that would wound them deeply. I know about this because my friends came to me and told me about it — that she appeared “to be trying to form alliances with people against me.” I think she was just seeking to isolate me and inflict pain because my vulnerability was the importance of family to me. They told me they said to her “that doesn’t sound like your Mom.” I did not fair so well with three of my four siblings — they were very emotionally vulnerable — especially my youngest sister. And the other two, being former drug dealers and users, have some pretty strong sociopathic traits — charming, now religiously self righteous and very manipulative – a learned behavior. In any event I have ended up being very isolated from family, and alone, due to my daughter’s behavior.
This was greatly compounded by my standing by and trying so hard to help my grandson. He would become very stressed, from the time he was a small child, and “melt down.” When he was alone with me he could talk about fear, but the rest of the time people only saw anger. Although I did not realize my daughter was a sociopath, per se, I did know she was abusive and neglectful and that this was the cause of his acting out. She was, and is, a master of convincing people that his acting out is the source of her problems – including her drinking. OMG – she agreed to let him see a therapist — who was supposed to be HIS therapist — I paid for this. My daughter wormed her way into his therapy and the therapist started doing (unbeknown) to me “family therapy” – something I would NEVER have agreed to pay for. things got very bad and I finally began speaking with the therapist and learned how the therapist “felt sorry” for my daughter. I quote “think about how miserable her life must be.” When I spoke with her she was enjoying her life during the day, drinking and fighting and abusing my grandson in the evenings — and this therapist totally missed it. He was totally taken in by her.
I am rambling – this is how my thoughts are right now – just full of memories and beginning to understand why no matter what I did I was not going to have a normal mother/daughter relationship, that she was going to, without consciences, use my grandson as a pawn, and she has monopolized my life for 37 years — with only the first 18 – 22 years being normal demands of parenthood.
It is difficult to capture in words her calculating manipulative behavior. She has a very high IQ and keen sense of other people’s emotional life. I have learned to just shut down when I am interacting with her. If I engage on any kind of real level it is just a matter of minutes before I recognize that familiar feeling of beginning to try to “work me” — very subtle and yet very strong. Thank you for your support.
Dear Marie,
I am so sorry that you continue to be in pain from this relation-shit with your daughter, but I am glad that you are recognizing that it isn’t going to get better…she will continue to manipulate others as try to manipulate you. It is what they DO.
As for the “loss” of your family support…if you lost it, it wasn’t there to begin with, you only thought it was. Of course that too hurts because we THOUGHT it was there, but in reality, what you lost was your FANTASY that these people loved and cared about you. If they had really cared about you, they would not have been so easily duped into turning against you.
You can heal and grow from this and come out happier and more functional and healthier though it is a difficult road. I know how it is when the Ps use those we love against up, as clubs to beat us….it hurts us to see those we love hurt by the Ps. Learning to accept what we cannot change is difficult but necessary. Just doing the best we can and accepting the rest. Not easy, but our only workable course. God bless you, Marie! (((hugs)))
Yes, Ox Drover it is true that the deep family support was never there. However there was some caring and support ove the years. I told my self what you are saying when all this stuff initially happened. My youngest siblings are pretty dysfunctional but we all got together at times so the kids – -cousins could see each other. My daughter ripped this apart and this is what I grieve for my grandson. Yes the youngest three have some pretty major problems — of course how else could my daughter exploit them if they did not. I think it is important to recognize that in “normal” life people have problems between them, vulnerabilities from the past, etc. — and that most relationships work with these — or perhaps in some cases limp along — I believe all relationships have their vulnerabilities – however let a spath into one and the spath are like a roadside bomb or anthrax – invisible but deadly. It takes extremely strong healthy people who know themselves really well AND can have time away from a spath in order to withstand the malicious worms a spath releases and cultivates in relationships between and among others. So I agree with what you stated to an extent and yet recognize that a highly skilled, intelligent spath can probably devastate most relationships–especially family relationships where there is history. The “Sociopath Next Door” talks about how a key manipulation is to get others to feel sorry for them — this sucks in the most caring of people. Thank you for your support Ox Drover. :~)
Dear Marie ~ “get others to feel sorry for them” – I believe that it is the way they get anyone who has the ability to feel empathy into their web of deceit. It’s as if that ploy turns our natural instincts off.
We instinctively know that predators are dangerous. Yet with a spath, who is definitely a predator, they seem to have the ability to disguise their fangs. They play the wounded role so well that we don’t see the lethal predator hidden beneath the mask of SPATH.
(((hugs))) to you Marie. You are a blessing to your grandson.
Yes Hope to Heal — I think that the reason some people get pulled in over and over again is that they are caring and don’t realize who they are dealing with. I think the biggest defense is that when you meet someone new — take your time getting to know them. The minute any one has a sad story — it is time to pay attention. It is okay to be caring — just let time go by and see if the caring is balanced. The is no sure fire to guarantee protection — but over time something will not seem right that you can’t put your finger on or you start feeling fear or off balance and do not know why– these are the red flags….Thanks for your support Hope to Heal.
Marie, I believe you. In my own way, I can relate due to a somewhat similar weird dynamic in my own family. Thank goodness your grandson has you in his life…even if your contact w/him is sporadic. You may be the one bright and shining light in his life. Your story makes my heart ache. God Bless.