We know only too well that by far the majority of psychopaths are men. Or at least we think we know that. Could it be that the criteria used to identify psychopaths are biased towards men? After all Hare began his work in male prison.
Think about it. While behaving and being the way the PCL-R without doubt earns one the label psychopath, this is simply a list of symptoms. It says nothing about the underlying dynamics. If psychopathy is life centered on the principle of power (as opposed to love) and if it is therefore characterised by what Liane Leedom nicely calls ‘warped empathy‘, then wouldn’t you expect there to be more or less the same number of woman as men psychopaths? And wouldn’t you expect them to come across differently?
I am beginning to wonder whether there may be two broad types of psychopathy – a ‘male’-type and a ‘female’-type. I place these in quotes because, when I think about it, men with might be thought of as ‘female’ psychopathy come to mind and we all know about women with ‘male’ psychopathy. And yet, at the risk of being un-PC, I want to maintain these descriptors for now so that the difference I think I see doesn’t disappear.
A ‘female’ psychopath would not necessarily commit crimianl/antisocial acts like her male counterpart, but she woud be as power-driven, as toxically narcissistic as a ‘male’ psychopath. The control, the manipulation, the dishonesty, the selfishness, the callousness – all these would be present, but we might not recognise them for what they are because of 1. media portrayal and 2. medical diagnosis of psychopaths. The difference would come in the gendered style of their behaviour.
In my clinical work I have come across this phenomenon. For example, a woman I now consider to be of the ‘female’-type of psychopath didn’t come close to committing a crime and yet the way she mothered her daughter, my patient, came close to destroying the child’s mind. This seems to me to be a perversion of motherhood eqivalent to the perversion of fatherhood we read about on this website.
Do readers have any comments? I’m particularly interested in any examples you might have of how ‘female’ psychopathy – if such a thing does exist – manifests itself?
Ox Drover et al…omg, I found those videos on YouTube and you’re right…the guy makes my skin crawl…he’s akin to Hannibal Lecter. Couldn’t watch them because it drove me nuts. Some people sing his praises…but they are at the stage where they haven’t learned through experience what people like this guy are capable of. Unfortunately, with P’s and S/P’s, it often takes a teachable moment for the light bulb to go off. My gut instinct was that this guy is worse than slime. Didn’t realize he is also an ex-con. I did notice that his websites have been inactive since 2005 or 2007, I think. It appears that he has other websites under different aliases…am SURE it is him disguising himself as a female “Dr”…these sites have also been inactive for a number of years. This stuff just goes on…and on….and on. These people are like rabbits, multiplying faster than we can keep up with them.
Emi and Oxy,
I watched the videos again. Well the first two anyway.
I’m concerned because I STILL don’t find them offensive. they were boring to me. He is boring. My skin didn’t crawl. I felt nothing.
I’ve been going to hypnotherapy. Today was my fourth and last session. I feel better, more optimistic. Today I asked her to impress boundaries and being offended by people who cross boundaries. But Vaknin still doesn’t bother me. I’m worried, I know that lack of boundaries has helped me to be strong against spaths, but I’m confused too. Should I be offended when I see his behavior?
It would be great if someone could analyze me, because it’s so hard to analyze ones self.
My only feelings for him are sympathy because he seems so stupid with an IQ of 180. I remind myself of that idiot, Ayn Rand who had empathy for the disgusting serial killer.
puke.
Marie, Your spath daughter sounds like a carbon copy of my 47 year old daughter, in every way.They are beyond belief, and until I found Lovefraud 2 yearsa go, I really didnt have a CLUE what I was dealing with. I was even starting to believe her and my other spath D that I was the one going mad.You get so caught up in all the craziness, and if you are kind , loyal, and caring,{as I believ e I was and am,}I would bale out the older one financially over and over. NO MORE!I havent seen my 2 granddaughters in 2 years, or my G son in almost 3 years. Yes, they use their kids as pawns to torture us with.
A few weeks ago, {I related the story on LF] I “outed” the older spath D.I couldnt resist it! She was writing articles for this magazine about travelling with kids.Several of her previous article were also full of lies, but I kept quiet about those. This article was entitled,
“The fall of the vegemite sandwich.”{vegemite is kind of yeast extract beloved of Australians} It went on to say how she made up individual fruit salads each day fo her 3 kids, made tiny quiches, sausage rolls, ham rolls,for their lunch boxes. All lies.She only sees her kids weekends in her exs home. She is living in one room of a shared flat.{condo} and all her stuff, most of which I bought fo her is in store.her 16 year old daughter, Holly, is the one who makes up the sandwiches each day, to help out her dad. The 3 kids have lived FT with him for over 3 and a half years.
There was a comments section at the bottom of the article, linked to my FB. I wrote,
“I find it hard to understand why you would bother to go to such trouble over your kids lunch boxes, when you only see your kids at weekends!”
WELL! Of course, she removed my comment and blocked me, but NOT before her boss had read it. She was fired the next day.
Her ex husband, rang me, very angry, to say this had not helped him at all as now he had even LESS hope of getting any child support money out of her.He also said it was spiteful, and bitchy. I agree.It was. But BOY! After 30 + years of misery , gaslighting, con jobs, lies, rip offs,abuse,this is the first time ive EVER relatiated like this! And Im NOT SORRY!
Now she knows Ive got her number!Boy am I the Mother from hell now! All my kindness, love financial support,all will be forgotten. I feel this is”Tough Love. I was finally so dam SICK of reading all of her lies!May bring her closer to her “rock bottom” if spaths ever do that.
What have we given birth to?
Love,
Mama gemXX Ps The article should have read,
“The fall of Spath daughter!”
Mama Gem,
how’s it going? that spath daughter of yours is getting what she deserves, but her ex-husband is also sick. He doesn’t care about truth or values, he only wants to get what’s coming to him, SO GIVE IT TO HIM.
Reality bites!
(hugs from skylar)
Yea he smokes pot, and ciggies, is A$45,000 in debt to credit cards, {but still went to INDIA last July with the GF} can we say,LOSER and ASSHOLE here?
However, he is still a WAY better parent then my spath D.
He cuddles and loves his kids, and is a reasonable Dad to them, I think.
Spath D is getting her come uppance with or without my help! Karma can be a beautiful thing!
I cant believ how Ive changed. A couple of years ago, if shed asked me to rip an arm off and hand it to her, Id probably have done it!
Love,
Mama gemXX
oh Mama Gem,
you HAVE changed! I’ve seen it. 2 years ago, I was afraid of you. no kidding. you were so angry.
Your son in law, is not a good person, and although he is not as bad as your own daughter, he is still going to lie and cheat. He is sick. Please, don’t believe anything he says.
So what’s the answer? realize that all that he does or says is going to be for selfish reasons. when he cuddles the kids, it’s for show or it’s to get them to love his unlovable ass. Know him for what he is and move forward with no emotion for those who don’t deserve it.
Love the grandkids who do deserve it. Be there for them. call upon your “inner spath” and convince him that you believe his lies.
You CAN do it Mama Gem. ((((((hugs)))))) to you.
skylar
Gem, I agree with you that SIL is a better father than she is a mother, but he might as well figure out if she made $100,000 bucks a year she still wouldn’t give him any child support….and he is STUPID to leave them with her on the weekends, knowing she is not a good parent and doesn’t watch them appropriately.
So…since this whole situation is out of your control, he isn’t going to make any effort to let you see the kids, she isn’t, so as far as a relationship with the kids while they are not old enough to come see you on their own, or you will have to make the trip there to see them….maybe stay in a nearby hotel and visit with them when the dtr isn’t around.
In any case….at least you know now what you are dealing with.
And yea, what you did to her writing gig was sheety, but you know, at the same time, I DO UNDERSTAND AND I AMM NOT GOIN TO BOINK YOU FOR IT. LOL ((((HUGS))))
Sky, Ive just sent you a pic of my spath D, -a recent one, in her usual red.Id like to know what you think of it!
Love,
Mama gemXX
Yea Oxy, it WAS sheety, but you know what? It was like YES!!! 30 plus years of misery, lies, con jobs,fleecings,and Ive NEVER ever retaliated. I did it this ONCE! wont be doing it again, and BOY!! Did it feel GOOD!
And Im NOT sorry!She now knows Ive GOT HER NUMBER!!
Love,GemXX TOWANDA!!
Like many of you, I have been searching for answers, support, confirmation, or direction on how to continue to cope with my step-daughter. I suspect she is a sociopath. She has been lying and manipulating me, my wife and anyone who happens to cross her path for as long as I have known her even from a very young age. First, I would like to confirm that I am on the right path with my thinking. I want to try to cope and maybe help her if possible. It is difficult to convey my examples to the extreme she takes her lies, stories, or actions. I will give some examples that are taken from everyday actions in her short life. Ok”here we go. She is 22 years old. I have raised her since she was 18 months. Even from a very young age I started noticing issues with her manipulation, denials, and lies. The first odd behavior I noticed was she would lie, deny, explode with anger and never acknowledge or learn from bad behavior on the smallest of incidents. For example, again one of many incidents, I would see her throw her napkin on the floor. I would politely confront her and ask her to please pick it up. She would respond with denial that she didn’t do it which of course would turn into an argument. I would respond that I saw her throw it on the floor. She would explode with anger turning it into a huge deal resulting into her storming out accusing me of always picking on her. Again this is one small example of everyday occurrences. Bypassing many years of frustration she then escalated her behavior at 15. It started with the usual rules of the house that she could not live by; something small like me asking her to not pursue relationships with strangers on the internet for the obvious reasons. She knew that I would take her computer away if I caught her in such behavior. So, I did catch her and I took the computer away. This time she just got quiet and stormed off. I thought nothing of it. Keep in mind that while all this turmoil is happening behind the scenes, she is a straight A student who is very intelligent, charismatic, and fun to be around. So from the outside she comes across as being perfect. 5 days later she runs away without us even having a clue she was about to leave. Everything seemed fine and she even apologized for her behavior. She was missing for 10 days. In those 10 days we got the police and media involved searching for her. Next thing we know cops are at the door arresting my wife for child abuse. They found her 2000 miles away with pictures of bruising all over her body accusing my wife of beating her. I say pictures because there was no evidence of bruising when the cops found her. Of course the cops fell for her lies hook line and sinker. The captain of the police department even saw it as an opportunity to boost his ratings by parading my wife and the pictures in front of all major networks, radio stations, and all media outlets. To make an extremely long story short, our daughter shows up in court sheds crocodile tears on the stand in front of my wife and spews garbage. How could someone take such lies to such extremes even to the point of trying to put her own mother in jail just so she could continue an internet relationship? Luckily by the grace of god, we had undisputable proof that it was all made up and she was acquitted of all charges. If the incompetent cops would have done their jobs and investigated, we could have avoided spending $100,000 in lawyer fees. We found out later from her that she used makeup to fake the bruises. She was out of our lives for several years after that. Now she is back manipulating my wife conducting herself in the same manor. Nothing has changed. She knows that my wife wants her daughter in her life. So, she uses that knowledge. I do not know what to do. I am literally afraid of her and what she may be capable of doing. From what I can tell, she is a master manipulator with no conscious. Again, from an outsider’s point of view, she is perfect. She is putting herself through college, has a good job and many superficial friends. But, anyone who has been around her long enough experiences the toxic behavior.