We know only too well that by far the majority of psychopaths are men. Or at least we think we know that. Could it be that the criteria used to identify psychopaths are biased towards men? After all Hare began his work in male prison.
Think about it. While behaving and being the way the PCL-R without doubt earns one the label psychopath, this is simply a list of symptoms. It says nothing about the underlying dynamics. If psychopathy is life centered on the principle of power (as opposed to love) and if it is therefore characterised by what Liane Leedom nicely calls ‘warped empathy‘, then wouldn’t you expect there to be more or less the same number of woman as men psychopaths? And wouldn’t you expect them to come across differently?
I am beginning to wonder whether there may be two broad types of psychopathy – a ‘male’-type and a ‘female’-type. I place these in quotes because, when I think about it, men with might be thought of as ‘female’ psychopathy come to mind and we all know about women with ‘male’ psychopathy. And yet, at the risk of being un-PC, I want to maintain these descriptors for now so that the difference I think I see doesn’t disappear.
A ‘female’ psychopath would not necessarily commit crimianl/antisocial acts like her male counterpart, but she woud be as power-driven, as toxically narcissistic as a ‘male’ psychopath. The control, the manipulation, the dishonesty, the selfishness, the callousness – all these would be present, but we might not recognise them for what they are because of 1. media portrayal and 2. medical diagnosis of psychopaths. The difference would come in the gendered style of their behaviour.
In my clinical work I have come across this phenomenon. For example, a woman I now consider to be of the ‘female’-type of psychopath didn’t come close to committing a crime and yet the way she mothered her daughter, my patient, came close to destroying the child’s mind. This seems to me to be a perversion of motherhood eqivalent to the perversion of fatherhood we read about on this website.
Do readers have any comments? I’m particularly interested in any examples you might have of how ‘female’ psychopathy – if such a thing does exist – manifests itself?
Dear Rush,
(shaking my head here) It is difficult going through such trauma with a “child” that you love—natural or step, it doesn’t matter. The point is that someone we love is acting in a way that is dangerous to themselves and/or someone else (or us as well) I think your assessment of why she went after your wife is probably accurate if you didn’t “react” and your wife did.
My P son saved his venom for me because I did the reacting….my husband, his step father, let me take the lead, though he was with me 110%….and so if your wife tried to keep her under control, her venom would most likely have been directed at your wife, the one who was trying to “control” her (i.e be a good parent and keep her out of serious trouble!) Psychopaths are ABOUT CONTROL and trying to be a good parent to one, to keep them from doing exactly what they want, when they want and how they want, no matter what the consequences are is not something the teenage psychopath wants to deal with.
Her using make up to make bruises and take photos of them is pretty over the top at that age….interesting, very interesting. I am so sorry that your wife had to go through such trauma as an arrest, court, etc. but I do hope that horrible experience has given her (your wife) some WARNING about how capable of malice and mayhem your step daughter is capable of.
I have been in the “bouncy ball” routine with my P son, hoping against hope that he had FOUND JESUS, CHANGED, LEARNED, REPENTED, etc……and each time I got up HOPE, malignant, cancerous hope that he was being AT LAST truthful, I got slam dunked back into the toilet of despair AGAIN and AGAIN and AGAIN.
I suggest that you get the book, written By Dr. Liane Leedom, “Just like his father” and that you also read “Without Conscience” by Dr. Robert Hare, and several of the other books here in the Love Fraud book store. There is a definite link with genetics and some environmental influence as well. But the one thing is, once it “becomes apparent” it will NEVER IMPR0VE. Only get worse. God bless you and your wife.
Rush,
part of it is the emotional reaction thing – a large part, I think, but part of it is also that psychopaths have an inordinate hatred of their mothers. I have theories about why this is, related to spaths wanting to be treated like infants, which is what mommys do. It isn’t just the male spaths who hate their moms, the females do too.
The reason doesn’t matter so much, the solution is still the same: give her no emotions, because it’s what they feed on. We have a thing here, which we call gray rock. It means become very boring, in all that you say and do. Don’t flash any shiny bling around her, don’t get excited, don’t react to anything she says or does except in the most bland and boring way that you can muster. Channel what it would be to have the personality of a gray rock. Spaths hate boredom or boring people, it makes them run away. They desperately need drama to feel “real”.
Thank you for the advice Ox Drover and Skylar.
If you don’t mind me venting a little here because I really don’t have anyone who understands, I would appreciate it.
One fact that really bothered me and still does to this day is how quickly our justice system got on her band wagon. She had the authorities eating out of her hand. They all saw political gain at our expense. But, we were blessed with finding the best lawyers to help. Even the DAs lit up with the possibility of taking on such an outragious case. I just wanted to scream at the top of my lungs that there is a reason why the case was so outragious is because it was all made up…you fools. The laws definitely are not made to protect victoms of spaths, they actually support their behavior. My daughter at 15 even knew how to manipulate the system. She even had Tim Miller the leader of Texas Equusearch lie to the police and almost purger himself on the stand. I was actually pretty angry with him, but, he was manipulated to the point of almost breaking the law for her. But, he came to his senses and told the truth once he got on the stand. But his lies did seal the arrest of my wife. But, how does someone know that they are being manipulated by a spath. So how much blame can I put on him. I am just frustrated.
Again, thank you for your advice. It will definitely help me moving forward.
Dear Rush,
I’m not familiar with this Tim Miller or his Equusearch…but yea I understand how people can be manipulated, or actually sometimes the people who are the “experts” are just as psychopathic as your daughter.
If you haven’t read the following article, read it. If you can stand to read it without screaming!
http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2011/06/26/corrupt-and-incompetent-forensic-psychologist/#respond
Some psychopaths are excellent liars and some are not very good, but they are all LIARS….and the “justice system” is NOT “just” —it lets both guilty go free and innocent do time (or be executed).
I will do a little googling on your buddy Tim Miller and see what comes up…now you have got me curious.
I just hope that you can educate your wife so that she will not put herself in another situation with your daughter where next time she might actually not come out of it alive…especially if there is an ESTATE involved. They seem to believe that they have a right to and are entitled to everything you have and aren’t interested in waiting until you die naturally to get it.
Okay, Rush, how did he become involved in your case? Did he and his group search for your daughter when she “ran away” after your wife supposedly “beat her?” I suggest that you read the two books by Dr. Barbara Oakley that I have reviewed here, “Evil Genes” and “cold blooded Kindness”—I think in your case these might be just the books to turn the corner for your understanding of maybe how Tim Miller was conned by your daughter. Thank goodness he got out before he got deeper into it. The altruistic people like Tim Miller who are Professional or semi-professional do-gooders sometimes are either very gullible or actually disordered themselves (very attention seeking for its own point) Dr. Oakley is a very interesting and well informed writer.
Keeping your daughter at as much of a distance as you possibly can is your best bet, in my opinion. That and letting her know that you and your wife have willed everything you have to a home for stray cats and that if you die she gets NOTHING. That’s a joke, but NOT a joke if you know what I mean.
I remember Tim Miller from the Natalie Hollaway case.
I got my three books today so I have a lot of reading to do 🙂
rush_64
Most people do not know that sociopaths are in “our neck of the woods,” being clueless about them. Sociopaths can dupe anyone. We’re all geared to think that most people are honest, that they wouldn’t willingly lie about serious matters, bringing false charges against anyone (like a parent). A sociopath will. When you have a sociopath in your midst, you learn the truth about people in general, that there are people who will lie, cheat, and steal (they can be family members) to get what they want – these people can harm their family members (and other people), having no remorse (or regret) over the havoc that they wreak. Sociopaths are impulsive and short-sighted – oftentimes they have a hard time predicting the consequences (the fall-out) of their actions. Unless you’ve lived with a sociopath (or studied one up closely) and seen how they operate, you cannot fathom what this disorder is like. The public cannot comprehend how a sociopath thinks or maneuvers through life, being unable to realize that there are people out there who can be very mean-spirited, punishing, destructive, etc. – they genuinely do not care about other human beings. They’re good at creating drama, stressful situations for others.
Louise, what 3 books did you get?
Blue_jay, GREAT post above, BTW
Oxy:
I got People of the Lie, the Betrayal Bond and The Gift of Betrayal. Can’t wait to get into them all!