We know only too well that by far the majority of psychopaths are men. Or at least we think we know that. Could it be that the criteria used to identify psychopaths are biased towards men? After all Hare began his work in male prison.
Think about it. While behaving and being the way the PCL-R without doubt earns one the label psychopath, this is simply a list of symptoms. It says nothing about the underlying dynamics. If psychopathy is life centered on the principle of power (as opposed to love) and if it is therefore characterised by what Liane Leedom nicely calls ‘warped empathy‘, then wouldn’t you expect there to be more or less the same number of woman as men psychopaths? And wouldn’t you expect them to come across differently?
I am beginning to wonder whether there may be two broad types of psychopathy – a ‘male’-type and a ‘female’-type. I place these in quotes because, when I think about it, men with might be thought of as ‘female’ psychopathy come to mind and we all know about women with ‘male’ psychopathy. And yet, at the risk of being un-PC, I want to maintain these descriptors for now so that the difference I think I see doesn’t disappear.
A ‘female’ psychopath would not necessarily commit crimianl/antisocial acts like her male counterpart, but she woud be as power-driven, as toxically narcissistic as a ‘male’ psychopath. The control, the manipulation, the dishonesty, the selfishness, the callousness – all these would be present, but we might not recognise them for what they are because of 1. media portrayal and 2. medical diagnosis of psychopaths. The difference would come in the gendered style of their behaviour.
In my clinical work I have come across this phenomenon. For example, a woman I now consider to be of the ‘female’-type of psychopath didn’t come close to committing a crime and yet the way she mothered her daughter, my patient, came close to destroying the child’s mind. This seems to me to be a perversion of motherhood eqivalent to the perversion of fatherhood we read about on this website.
Do readers have any comments? I’m particularly interested in any examples you might have of how ‘female’ psychopathy – if such a thing does exist – manifests itself?
Hi Ken,
Welcome to LoveFraud. I am a woman who got conned by a woman. She was nothing like the woman you describe as far as personality. The one I knew had a bad attitude, thought everyone else was stupid, and she of course was a genius.
She was at the time 46 years old and single. She could not keep a relationship with a man. I think she treated them like she treated everyone else; like crap. Anyway, she lied, cheated and stole from me. I was involved with her for almost two years as she lived above me. It was a nightmare. The police were called many times, she’d stomp on the floor then call the landlord and complain we were loud. I had to get a lawyer to break the lease just to get away from her.
The aftermath of her was awful. I don’t know how some of the people here that were involved with these “people”
for many years break away, heal and thrive. But they do.
Looking forward to more of your posts. Best wishes.
Ken:
Ah, you described the OW who was involved in triangulation with me to an absolute “T.” I’ve seen it and experienced it so I believe they exist.
I pray all the time she could be stopped, but if I try to do anything, I will only look like the crazy one. So frustrating. Sigh.
Hi all, I’ve been looking around here for any specific tome addressing whether or not -path MOMs even are ABLE to love. I am in a newly married life where my husband’s ex wife is likely a -path, and buys off the kids continually (she’s the very wealthy corporate type, as is her new ex-boss even wealthier corporate type, maybe a smidge less so, or less obviously [to me] -path-ish).
My husband thinks she does love the kids, while I see continual actions on her part that are actually dangerous for the kids to experience, and setting up non-good for kids in subtle and tiny ways that I just have a hard time thinking are coming from a woman who actually LOVES these kids.
Is there a good thread on here about this matter? Thanks for any books or articles anyone has seen, or any other strings that I missed on here! I know they don’t have emotion or empathy, but what about for kids, is any love … in there for this type, or does it vary?
She’s going about stripping her next (3rd) husband out of all of his fund but trickier this time without direct commandeering access to it all. She’s taken over much of his 1st marriage’s kids’ lives without any protest that I’ve heard about, instead they’ve been taken it it sounds like, all being thankful for her controlling help while she continues to bully her new husband into saying yes to her as she did my husband. He runs around actually asking friends’ favors to help his kids out because “the princess is mad at me for being late”. But, wondering about her ability to love her kids. True, my husband may be a more moralistic narcissist or a “lite” one, lots of ego, but with a bludgeon he will see things; it just takes me a lot of effort, which makes me sad.
Sorry I have taken to rambling, but am looking for any writings about this -paths and their abilities to love their own kids? Thank you so much.
Hello newstepmom…..I am on “old” step mom and boy could I tell you some stories….I have a bio s path daughter and a step s path daughter……I know…I know…hard to believe I could get so lucky !!! My bio daughter has 4 children and she will act like she loves them, but that is all it is….a very good act. They can be the most confusing Moms’ in the world….just pay very close attention to what she says and not what she does….their words ALWAYS expose them….I would find myself just thinking ….that didn’t sound right …just little things…my girls are in their mid 30’s now with kids of their own…..my prayer is that you will not experience the level of misery that I have over all these decades….get some really good books on the subject….I love the book “Venus, the Dark Side”….all about these women and how they operate….you will see her in the pages of that book. It is also a very good guide for men to navigate their way through the S path waters…Good luck to you …..
Hi creampuff, thank you very much for that book recommendation, I really appreciate your letting me know. I will look into it, and give it to my husband, who is still in the dark so far so that he argues with me about her being, “okay.” Thank you again. 🙂
You are welcome….here are a few of my other favorite books on the subject:
“Emotional Vampires”
“The Sociopath Next Door”
“Without Conscience”
“Boundaries”
That should keep you busy for a while….LOL…..but this site will help you so much…I really feel it is NO accident that any of us find this place to vent, to reach out, to be validated….it is a lifeline…Good luck to you….
newstepmom,
They can’t bond with or love anyone, they “own” people, not love them.
Creampuff’s recommendations for books are VERY good, I recommend all of those books. I have read them all and each one will give you more information to put together the “picture” of what is going on.
Convincing your husband what is going on may be a much harder task I am afraid though. People who don’t want to see the truth can stay in DENIAL for their entire lives. My psychopathic son is in prison for murder there is no doubt he did, yet my egg donor still believes he is “good” “has repented” etc. Nah, just an act for her!
thank you dr steve i am tired of only hearing about the male sociopath, having experienced a female sociopath first hand i can tell you it is real yes there are no criminal indications to a degree but the other signs are even more powerfull in the femal than the male, the funny part of this is everywhere on this site the term sociopath is always refered to as he donna or others never say the they word, they exist in every race every they exist in every gender and until that is seriousely understood how can you fully counsel write books or do anything else of that nature the female sociopath in my life completely ruined me in every way financialy emotional spiritualy there was no difference between her or a man doing the same behaviors so why are they judged differentely, a murder is a murder a crime is a crime and a socioath is a sociopath, ???
Yep Alex….you’re right. They come in all packages. They are none discriminatory with no bias.
So many of us here have been stung by the male persuasion sociopath…..Don’t take offense…..it’s natural to write about ‘he’ when ‘our’ spath was a ‘he’ and we are speaking in terms of our own experiences.
Do tell us your story…..We’d welcome hearing about your ‘she’ sociopath……we welcome all survivors interested in healing and learning. Teach us via your experiences.
I’m sorry Alex that you’ve been the victim by a spath, and feel left out. You are not the sole one on LF who has been victimized by a female spath. Daughters who had them as mothers; Mothers who have them as daughters, or daughters in law. They could be their sisters, and then there are men and women who had them for a partner, or as a neighbour, boss, coleague, landlady or renter.
It is understood that there are female and male spaths, and I have often noted that the authors do mention (fe)male in their articles or something akin to it.
We do not make a difference. It’s just that there are plenty of victims here who have been the victim of a male spath and thus often talk about ‘him’.