We know only too well that by far the majority of psychopaths are men. Or at least we think we know that. Could it be that the criteria used to identify psychopaths are biased towards men? After all Hare began his work in male prison.
Think about it. While behaving and being the way the PCL-R without doubt earns one the label psychopath, this is simply a list of symptoms. It says nothing about the underlying dynamics. If psychopathy is life centered on the principle of power (as opposed to love) and if it is therefore characterised by what Liane Leedom nicely calls ‘warped empathy‘, then wouldn’t you expect there to be more or less the same number of woman as men psychopaths? And wouldn’t you expect them to come across differently?
I am beginning to wonder whether there may be two broad types of psychopathy – a ‘male’-type and a ‘female’-type. I place these in quotes because, when I think about it, men with might be thought of as ‘female’ psychopathy come to mind and we all know about women with ‘male’ psychopathy. And yet, at the risk of being un-PC, I want to maintain these descriptors for now so that the difference I think I see doesn’t disappear.
A ‘female’ psychopath would not necessarily commit crimianl/antisocial acts like her male counterpart, but she woud be as power-driven, as toxically narcissistic as a ‘male’ psychopath. The control, the manipulation, the dishonesty, the selfishness, the callousness – all these would be present, but we might not recognise them for what they are because of 1. media portrayal and 2. medical diagnosis of psychopaths. The difference would come in the gendered style of their behaviour.
In my clinical work I have come across this phenomenon. For example, a woman I now consider to be of the ‘female’-type of psychopath didn’t come close to committing a crime and yet the way she mothered her daughter, my patient, came close to destroying the child’s mind. This seems to me to be a perversion of motherhood eqivalent to the perversion of fatherhood we read about on this website.
Do readers have any comments? I’m particularly interested in any examples you might have of how ‘female’ psychopathy – if such a thing does exist – manifests itself?
Joss, I’m sorry that you’re having a tough time with your boss. The one thing that you can choose to do is to document…document…document. keep a small pad and pen in your pocket at all times to record dates, times, instructions as they are given by her, and end results. And. Allow her to SEE you jotting down notes. No “feelings” or personal opinions, just straight facts. Create a CYA File (cover your arse) of all electronic communications and save them on a memory stick.
Worling for someone that is difficult can be a challenge, and working with a potential spath can be traumatic. Trying to remain focused on the task at hand will help you to avoid developing anxiety from wondering what she’ll up to, next. You won’t NEED to focus on that because your journal will be a record of what transpires.
Brightest blessings
joss:
Check the laws where you live regarding recording conversations. In my state, as long as one person knows of the recording, it is legal. I think it’s great you recorded…keep on doing it if you find it is legal to do so. Good luck…it is NOT easy dealing with these beings…
I didn’t know where else to post this, except with reference to the “core” of my current living situation.
I’ve been posting about my living situation, for some time, and I don’t want to rehash all of the passive/aggressive and abusive behaviors. But, my son came to me, this morning, to tell me that my colleague approached him, last night, to tell him that there would be a “family meeting,” this evening, to “talk.”
Now, my son has too many triggers to begin to list, but he suffers from severe anxiety disorder, and is prescribed anti-depressants for severe depression. Since losing my transportation, neither of us has been able to continue our counseling sessions, and we’re both flying by the seats of our proverbial pants.
What the colleague apparently relayed to my son, in private, was that he and his g/f could no longer “afford to take care of (us).” We had become to “expensive” to maintain in their home. This is coming from the same people (person, as he is doing the speaking) who eat out nearly every meal, who spend money as if it grows on trees, and have partaken in the meals that I have made for them and purchased the groceries to do so. I am also “working” for this colleague, one night per week, in exchange for a reduction in rent.
It’s not the “electricity” or anything else that’s the issue, here. It’s that the g/f never wanted us here, to begin with, and has clearly behaved with open disdain and, apparently, paid one of the colleagues friends $5 over the weekend to sexually approach my son, as a “joke.”
The colleague assured my son that they weren’t going to “kick (us) out,” but that we needed to start looking for another place to live.
I am angry. I haven’t eaten these people’s food, or dipped into their change jar when I needed medications or food. I have contributed as much as I could afford, and then some, because I know that it is an inconvenience to them for us to be here. He made the offer on two occasions for us to stay here, and I had asked him if there were a specific time-frame before we ever got here, to which he replied that there wasn’t.
So, it is crystal clear to me how this is unfolding, where this is coming from, and so forth. I hate that my once-caring colleague approached my son with this while I was asleep, and that he didn’t even mention a “family meeting” before he left for work, this morning, to me. Not at all.
I would appreciate ANY suggestions on how to manage this extremely triggering development. I mean, I knew that this was coming, but I wasn’t preparing for it as I should have been.
Thanks, in advance.
Correction…..we did consume their foods during a time when we were under the belief that we were all “sharing” as a community in this household. But, it was very, very little and only during the first month that we were here. After that time, it became glaringly clear that what was THEIRS was theirs, and what was ours was theirs.
I am at an absolute loss, right now. Like I posted, above, I knew that this was coming.
We have nowhere else to go with our pets, nor do I even have a vehicle to sleep in. I’m in a terrible state of anxiety, and I don’t know how to manage this.
Truthspeak: Do you have any agencies in your area that you can call to help you? I would haul out the phone book and start looking. I know where I am residing, there are agencies I could go to if I needed the assistance.
I absolutely would not tolerate the abuse any longer than I absolutely had to but I would start making plans.
As on the ‘down low’ as possible, so you don’t run into anymore trouble.
Look into this today. Hm?
I will be praying for you today with my candle…
Today is the day to find some peace. Okay?
I am with you…
Dupey
Dupey, because I own properties and have even a minimal income, I’m not eligible for any assistance. I’ve tried, several times, and we’ll be on the streets. UGH….
Well, that’s inexcusable.
I am going to pray for you all day…
Dupey
Thruthspeak,
In my experience, when you’re afraid, with the worst case scenario going through your head over and over, and beating yourself up over it, you only get more stuck.
I want you to SNAP OUT OF IT RIGHT NOW! (I’m yelling, but with lots of love for you). I want you to GET UP, pick up the PAPER and go through the ads for rentals and roommate possibilities. DON’T tell me ‘no, it’s no use, because…’ You don’t get to say ‘no’ right now on this subject. Just pick up the paper and start reading it and look for possibilities. Even if you think “It’s hopeless,” I still want you to keep on looking and searching. And if you are at the end of it. I want you to read the whole section AGAIN. Use a pen and CIRCLE CHOICES this time, including ridiculous options! At this moment there are no bad or good opportunities, just opportunities. When you’ve finished it for a second time, start writing down opportunities and ideas yourself. Do no evaluate these opportunities or ideas yet. Just write stuff down, including ideas such as a motel, renting a car for a night… You might even go really really silly and think outside the box.
Why do I want you to do this? Right now it’s important to apply your mind on something practical and pragmatic. Even if there is no actual solution in that paper, just by applying your mind to it, eventually it will start to kick back in solution-thinking gear and you might think of something yourself you might not have considered before because you are panicking. When we’re stuck all that we can do is start walking, even if it’s the ‘wrong’ direction that doesn’t matter. Just the walking alone will end up giving you a sense of direction again and you can hop over to the right track.
What I want you to right now is to get your mind in brainstorming mode. A lot of it will end up being not an option, but chances are that an unlikely idea at first will grow into a very practical and helpful solution for you with some tweaking. All it needs is applying your mind to it.
NOW GO DO IT! START THAT MENTAL WALKING! (That’s an order, but again with lots of love)
Dupey & Darwinsmom, thank you VERY much for the support and encouragement. Absolutely, taking action is the only pragmatic approach to this. The anxiety is definitely a result of long-term programming to fear the worst case scenario.
I’ve contacted a homeless shelter, as well as a pet rescue organization that I’ve worked closely with for over a year, now. I’m going to sort this out, and focusing on what is broken in this colleague’s relationship is NOT going to alter the situation, one bit. Gotta rant about it and vent, but I’m not going to make any progress by focusing on this. The girlfriend is an absolute *****, whether she’s spath, narcissisitc, or just plain stupid.
So…..I’m going to move through the day and sort this out.
And, I can accept being virtually “yelled at,” Darwinsmom. Sometimes, it’s required and I take absolutely no offense. It’s sort of like slapping someone in the face when they’re hysterical. It isn’t out of malice, it’s to re-focus. So, with all appreciation, thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Hugs, hugs, and determined hugs, here!
THATS MY TRUTHSPEAK!!!!
Good inspiration, darwinsmom!
Where have you been when “I” needed a kick in the pants?!
lol….
There has been Ox but I now have a TBI because of her frying pan. ahahahaha
YAY!!!!! You are making progress!
I am so proud of you. mwah! xxoo
You are exactly right: FOCUS on YOU and YOUR SON.
Period. All the rest will sort itself out.
You are absolutely right.
That is THEIR dysfunction to deal with not yours.
I lit my candle earlier and it will stay lit for you…
Just know that you have a cheer-leading team out here.
And we want you to report back to us at 0200 hours. 🙂
Dupey