We know only too well that by far the majority of psychopaths are men. Or at least we think we know that. Could it be that the criteria used to identify psychopaths are biased towards men? After all Hare began his work in male prison.
Think about it. While behaving and being the way the PCL-R without doubt earns one the label psychopath, this is simply a list of symptoms. It says nothing about the underlying dynamics. If psychopathy is life centered on the principle of power (as opposed to love) and if it is therefore characterised by what Liane Leedom nicely calls ‘warped empathy‘, then wouldn’t you expect there to be more or less the same number of woman as men psychopaths? And wouldn’t you expect them to come across differently?
I am beginning to wonder whether there may be two broad types of psychopathy – a ‘male’-type and a ‘female’-type. I place these in quotes because, when I think about it, men with might be thought of as ‘female’ psychopathy come to mind and we all know about women with ‘male’ psychopathy. And yet, at the risk of being un-PC, I want to maintain these descriptors for now so that the difference I think I see doesn’t disappear.
A ‘female’ psychopath would not necessarily commit crimianl/antisocial acts like her male counterpart, but she woud be as power-driven, as toxically narcissistic as a ‘male’ psychopath. The control, the manipulation, the dishonesty, the selfishness, the callousness – all these would be present, but we might not recognise them for what they are because of 1. media portrayal and 2. medical diagnosis of psychopaths. The difference would come in the gendered style of their behaviour.
In my clinical work I have come across this phenomenon. For example, a woman I now consider to be of the ‘female’-type of psychopath didn’t come close to committing a crime and yet the way she mothered her daughter, my patient, came close to destroying the child’s mind. This seems to me to be a perversion of motherhood eqivalent to the perversion of fatherhood we read about on this website.
Do readers have any comments? I’m particularly interested in any examples you might have of how ‘female’ psychopathy – if such a thing does exist – manifests itself?
darwinsmom
Thruthspeak,
Keep walking and you will come across a path that isn’t a dead end 🙂
strongawoman
Darwinsmom, your post made me think of this
From Robert Frost’s poem The Road Not Taken, 1920:
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I –
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference
somebodysdream
Truthspeaks. I had to find a place for my cats when the ex changed the locks on me and divorced me without notice. Pet adoption places have on occasion “foster-parents” until your situation improves. Sometimes you can send the pets to “camp” with a friend. Housing may be a problem since shelters will allow males up to a certain age and then females and males are seperate. Shelters are no place for families or anybody for that matter. Try a food bank, they have resources. Catholic Charities may be able to help you with section 8.
Truthspeak
Thank you, everyone, and thank you Darwinsmom for the poem – it’s one of my favorites.
Things will work out. They will. I just have to make them happen.
Dupey….you must’ve been a cheerleader, at some point!
Somebodysdream, I will do that, tomorrow. I attempted to apply through the social services department, but there is no Section 8 available, according to their website.
This will pass. This is just one of those trials by fire. I don’t like it, at all, but it is what it is. I am going to be okay, dagnabbit.
This isn’t so much about the exspath, now. What’s done is done. I need to focus every bit of attention on my son and me – and, me, first.
BRIGHTEST blessings…..and, deepest gratitude
Back_from_the_edge
Truthspeak: I am so happy to hear you sounding so ‘strong’ and ‘resolved’. I just KNOW you are going to be A-OK because YOU are in the Captain’s seat now. Hm? You have empowered yourself again and that is very very good. Makes me want to dance around in circles saying:
“We won another battle!!!”
YAY!!!!!!
Go Truthspeak! Go Truthspeak! Go Truthspeak!
Yes, we have to MAKE them happen. Yes.
One of those ‘trials by fire’ is absolutely right.
It is what it is and will be until we change it.
Absolutely right: You need to focus on you and your life and your son and his life. Forget everyone else and all their stupid games. You don’t have time for this in your life because you are too busy to deal with the b.s. now; right? yay!!!
That is the same way “I” felt when I made the first break (NC). I wasn’t sad at all. In fact, I danced around in circles and felt alive and new and reborn…recharged and ready for whatever comes. BRING IT ON. I have survived things I never thought I would and it has only made me stronger and wiser. (Hopefully) hahahaha
I will still be remembering you in my thoughts and prayers until I hear that you have your own little nest and that you are starting to find the peace and happiness you so deserve.
I am right here with you. Don’t doubt that.
(((BIG HUGS TRUTHSPEAK)))
Dupey
MoonDancer
oh truthspeak, it makes me sad that your having these troubles..it breaks my heart really…
there used to be a blogger here named sstile54, that had to re-home her dog’s until she could find a place..i think of her often and hope she is in a better place with her little poochie’s…I saw a little old homeless man walking down the highway, with his little dog in tow, at least he wasnt alone…darn it..I just get teary eyed when blogger’s have no where to call home…something good will come your way soon..go outside and look at that fullmoon cause I am sending you some moonbeams tonite…hang in there
Truthspeak
Dupey & Hens, I thank you from my heart. I am truly resolved and I sincerely believe that all of this is for “A Reason.” I don’t like it – oh, hayell no, I don’t. I’m quite distraught over my pets. This, I think, is what is so painful for me, right now. They didn’t do anything. They didn’t make a mistake in judgement, and they don’t have options.
The moon is full, tonight, and there is healing in those moonbeams, Hens. All ancient traditions talk about this, and I believe in this lunar mysticism. I will be okay. Somehow, my pets will be okay. Somehow, I will.
Today, I’m still alive, upright, and pissed off. So, it’s a good day, and a blessed night.
Brightest blessings….
somebodysdream
Mental illness runs in families. Here is the deal about my sister in law who was my intro to the snake pit. Very well dressed, soft spoken, intelligent person with a great do and the biggest silicon implants ever. “Accidentally” popping into my office with apologies and complements. She was so engaging, that after 30 minutes of getting her background I agreed to come to her home for dinner to meet her mother.*
When I left the dinner I agreed to take mom, who was new to our town and a lovely elderly woman out for coffee to a well known french restaurant the following Sunday to reciprocate.
Long story short. I ended up taking this depressed mom out every Sunday for 6 months without being thanked or re-reimbursed. When I quit I got blackballed and smeared. My sister in law had the upper hand because of her business connections and she played it for all it was worth. Never being involved directly but letting her flunkies do the dirty work. Her family was afraid of her and her manipulations especially since she had money to help them with. She used to be a stripper and held on to every dollar in her thong. Helping other people was just an illusion we all wanted to believe because of all the promises and the disconnect with the follow-through once we got hooked. It was fascinating how she would buy several fur coats, name them after people and throw them on the floor of her hall closet, how she had gourmet catered meals and pretended she did the cooking by adding the finishing touches, how she cut people into pieces and throw them to to the dogs in a joking way. I got sucked into “looking-in” on her elderly in-laws who lived closer to me than to her. Watching her dtr while she cheated on her husband, and stayed with mom when she had a stroke and broke her hip because she was “busy running the business” that was in crisis because her son from a prev marriage did not get along with her current husband. There was always a crisis. After she sucked me dry, her brother got the next turn. They all came to visit me to be friendly. They all wanted to see that I had a beautiful home, a luxury car, a good job before he made his move on me….. you all know the rest of the story
after that came the aunt who adored me before I married him and 3 months later wanted my wedding ring back, because the stone came from her dead husbands pinky ring. Now that we owned everything 50/50, he my assets, and me his debts, the marriage was over.
* when the picture was complete I found out that she was actually shopping for a nice, financially independent woman for her brother. If the woman was married did not matter, it was actually preferred.
Thanks LF. Wish I could have found you sooner.
darwinsmom
strongawoman,
Beautiful poem about the road less traveled!
All I know is that at some point making whichever choice is better than not making one. At the very least you get to learn one road was not really a good choice for you, and so you can take another turn. If you don’t make a choice at all, you’d still be standing there at the fork wondering which way to go. 🙂
Truthspeak
Somebodysdream, I thing that we all wish that we had known “then” what we do, now.
The only positive thing that has resulted from my experiences is that I have uncovered so many issues that were a part of my history, from the first day, that left me open, vulnerable, and tolerant of abuse and coersion. This is a “good” thing, though the path through the lessons has been dark, dreadful, and frought with despair.
I’ve never been “okay,” throughout my lifetime. I’ve never had the knowledge about myself – self – that I do, today. Even with that knowledge, I’m still a mess, but I’m working on getting stronger and better.
Brightest blessings