We know only too well that by far the majority of psychopaths are men. Or at least we think we know that. Could it be that the criteria used to identify psychopaths are biased towards men? After all Hare began his work in male prison.
Think about it. While behaving and being the way the PCL-R without doubt earns one the label psychopath, this is simply a list of symptoms. It says nothing about the underlying dynamics. If psychopathy is life centered on the principle of power (as opposed to love) and if it is therefore characterised by what Liane Leedom nicely calls ‘warped empathy‘, then wouldn’t you expect there to be more or less the same number of woman as men psychopaths? And wouldn’t you expect them to come across differently?
I am beginning to wonder whether there may be two broad types of psychopathy – a ‘male’-type and a ‘female’-type. I place these in quotes because, when I think about it, men with might be thought of as ‘female’ psychopathy come to mind and we all know about women with ‘male’ psychopathy. And yet, at the risk of being un-PC, I want to maintain these descriptors for now so that the difference I think I see doesn’t disappear.
A ‘female’ psychopath would not necessarily commit crimianl/antisocial acts like her male counterpart, but she woud be as power-driven, as toxically narcissistic as a ‘male’ psychopath. The control, the manipulation, the dishonesty, the selfishness, the callousness – all these would be present, but we might not recognise them for what they are because of 1. media portrayal and 2. medical diagnosis of psychopaths. The difference would come in the gendered style of their behaviour.
In my clinical work I have come across this phenomenon. For example, a woman I now consider to be of the ‘female’-type of psychopath didn’t come close to committing a crime and yet the way she mothered her daughter, my patient, came close to destroying the child’s mind. This seems to me to be a perversion of motherhood eqivalent to the perversion of fatherhood we read about on this website.
Do readers have any comments? I’m particularly interested in any examples you might have of how ‘female’ psychopathy – if such a thing does exist – manifests itself?
OneJoy, yes….thank you for the hugs, and I have to keep going to get through to the other side.
Brightest blessings
hahaha at one/joy: interesting…
I didn’t catch that….
hens, trying to angle to eat my toes. hahahahahaha
Thanks ((Truthspeak)) for the piggie wishes.
Still ‘smarting’ a bit this morning and being extra careful…
Hoping and praying for you Truthspeak…
Dopey
Truthspeak, you say you have a long way to go. Don’t make that set in stone. Healing and “aha” moments happen in an instance sometimes. I wish I knew in my younger more tormented years what I know now. I would have healed instantly. Instead it’s taken me so many years to learn how to work with my mind to create the life I want out of what I have. If I can share any of this with you guys and anyone can learn from it, I’m especially blessed to be able to give back, and this will make me very happy.
One of the things that caused me suffering my whole life is having expectations that others will see me, understand me, validate me, and/or fill my needs. This is something that comes from not having needs met as a young child. When you heal this part of yourself by learning to take care of your own needs, you stop expecting it from others, and you don’t take it personally if they can’t/won’t give it to you. It is incredibly FREEING to release others from these expectations. For me, the problem was always that I was very needy, but I didn’t know how to take care of my needs. The would just spill over onto others, and that is where anger and drama would ensue. This is the reason most relationships fail and why the divorce rate is so high – the expectations people place on their spouses to fill their needs. For most people, they feel the love needs to come from the outside in, instead of the inside out, where it SHOULD come from. If only their partner would love them the right way, they would be whole. If only their ex took responsibility for what he did. Etc., etc. NONE of these things need have any bearing on our happiness and wholeness.
One of the most empowering moments of my life was when I was feeling incredible pain. The pain always comes in waves. And I felt suicidal – an old familiar feeling for me. As usual, I didn’t know what to do. I called suicide hotlines, sought therapy (which usually wasn’t very helpful) or tried to put some of it onto my friends who didn’t know what to do. Then one day, I sat down and went inside. I got in touch directly with what was going on inside. There were feelings that wanted to come out but they were being blocked. I asked the person inside holding those feelings (inner child) what she was feeling. And lo and behold, they came out. The whole process took about 5 minutes. When the sharp pain got released, I felt a ton better. Sometimes it was just anger over not being heard. Sometimes there were tears. The point is, that once it got released, it was gone. This is how I learned I can do this for myself. I don’t need anyone else to make me feel better. I can make myself feel better. I lost count now of how many times I’ve done this process. Without it, I probably would have committed suicide because the pain was so great. Sometimes I was so depressed I couldn’t look anyone in the eye. But it only took a few moment to release it. I only needed the right tools, the right technology.
Truthspeak, I don’t remember whether you were the one who is a fan of Eckhart Tolle. He talks about the “pain body”. Some of us have a larger “pain body” than others. But it is only a small part of who we are. It is not completely who we are. We can work with it to reduce its size, as I mentioned above. Please do not confuse yourself as a person with your pain body. You may be in a lot of pain. But once you learn to work with it, it will be less. Every release makes the process moving forward just a little easier. You’ll see, my friend.
Hugs to you!
I am a lesbian recovering from female who lives as and targets lesbians. I am looking for any information that is “lesbian” specific. Everything I have read and learned has been VERY helpful but specific to targeting and pursuing heterosexuals. I learn more about protecting myself from and signs of a lesbian predator. Different behaviors and actions are acceptable in the lesbian community and relationships so how does that effect the Sociopaths game plan?
Like I said, I can relate to most of the heterosexual information but I think some might dismiss warning signs because of these differences.
NRmCC, welcome to LoveFraud, and I’m sorry that you’ve had the experiences that you have.
Whether hetero, gay, lesbian, platonic, familial, work-related, religious…..sociopathic entanglements all typically follow a specific pattern of behaviors and their “game plan” is patently identical (to destroy that which they do not and will not ever have, themselves):
* Pity story – sad childhood, bad breakup, nobody loves them
* Lovebombing – YOU are “The Only One” who understands them and YOU are their “soulmates” (also excessive flattery – not compliments, but flattery)
* Withold/reward – if you follow along with the program, you will be rewarded with attention (like, when you’re ill or in need) and validation. When you fail to go with the program, you experience the Silent Treatment, ridicule, humiliation, degradation, objectification…..etc
* Dismantling the psyche – crazymaking and tearing apart of your system of beliefs, one by one
* Discard – cheating or abandonment
* Toy mouse – luring you back with promises that they will never keep and assurances that they will not live up to
The only “difference” that I’ve personally experienced between male and female spaths is that females tend to use their wiles far more effectively. They lovebomb even platonic targets with excessive flattery, gifts, and false intimacy (intimacy doesn’t always involve sex).
Perhaps, someone could direct you to specific articles and posts that you might find more helpful.
Brightest blessings
Thank you, I feel very lucky to be where I am. It took a year and a half to realize why her and the relationship were often on my mind. Why I was emotional shut down to new love and couldn’t attach any emotions to past relationship. I felt lazy, tired, unmotivated and was having angry outbursts.
Reading others stories, helped me accept and valadate my experience. You are right, the “game plan” is the same. As is the emotional damage.
Maybe it the common ways/examples in each of the steps that can differ. I think that might help lesbians from quickly dismissing then possibility. Im just now starting to look at and explore these ideas, sorry if I’m not clear.
I would love to hear and compare other lesbian stories in hopes of helping anyone effected by this.
Thank you for the information and kind words
NRmCC,
everything Truthspeak said is correct. They are all the same with the same game, just different variations. It’s all about YOU and sucking on YOUR emotions. Whatever your needs are, they can quickly ascertain them. Then they provide what you want, so that they can follow by taking it (and more) away.
It’s not much different than what a casino does. Bright lights and shiny things lure you in, then the promise of excitement and wealth focuses you. Next thing you know, you’re broke and kicked out on the street wondering what happened. My spath loved casinos. He said he could tell that some of the losers were walking out and committing suicide. He loves suicide too.
My spath also had sex with anything: male, female, or child. I suspect animal too because he was intrigued by sex with horses. So when you discuss the “lesbian” psychopath, I’d have to say: There really is no such thing. Psychopaths do not have a sexual preference necessarily. Although some may trend more toward one way or the other, they all will screw whatever will hold still long enough.
I will give you some stories about lesbians who have posted here, to illustrate my point.
One woman, was conned by a woman over the internet. The woman was pretending to be a young man. The lesbian woman fell in love with “the young man”, even though she is a lesbian and she never even met him! That’s how good they are at what they do to our emotions.
Another woman, who is a lesbian, fell in love with a spath man. She decided she was bi-sexual. They had an affair and he promised to leave his wife but never did.
Another young girl, who is straight, left her boyfriend and fell in “love” with her lesbian teacher who is a spath. She was finally rescued by her family. I don’t know what eventually happened to her since she stopped posting.
Talk about lacking boundaries…with spaths, there is no boundary they won’t cross. There is no hetero or homo sexual. There is only spath.
Skylar, spot-on. The general “preference” of spaths is only defined by what they can squeeze from the target. Some spaths will move in the same circles, but it’s only for purposes that only they can define and has nothing to do with their sexual orientation.
Spath sexual activities and interests are almost patented – they are hyper-sexual, tend towards deviances, and talk their targets into “proving” their love and loyalty by engaging in activities that the target finds taboo, exciting, and then damning once they’ve been hooked.
I don’t know if I’ll ever get over my sexual issues, at this point. After I discovered what the exspath really was, my feelings about sex (with regard to myself) were shattered. The exspath’s interests are so vile that it literally makes me gag to even think about sex. And, when I say that it makes me gag, I’m not joking – I nearly vomited when I found his nasty bag.
So, NRmCC, bear this in mind when you’re trying to wrap your head around your experiences: spaths are shapeshifters. They shapeshift into what they have determined to be that their targets want or need. If someone has trust issues, they are rock-solid. If the target was a victim of domestic violence, the spath is a non-violent predator. If the target is in a custody battle, the spath “loves” the target’s children as “their own.” If the target has strong spiritual/religious beliefs, the spath is the ultimate authority on that system.
NRmCC, most spaths do reconnaissance (SP?) on their targets – they determine what the targets’ strengths are, what their vulnerabilities are, and what their needs are, and they exploit the vulnerabilities while they systematically and SURGICALLY dismantle the targets’ psyche.
Make no mistake – spaths are spaths are spaths are spaths. Sexual orientation has little-to-nothing to do with your having been targeted.
Brightest blessings
To TruthSpeaks
Oh I would have done something about this wackjob who paid a man as a joke to sexually approach your son. That’s way out of the park as well the jealousy of destroying the flowers. Sadly to say some people may say this strange behavior of killing your flowers is due to her jealousy.
How old is your son? The legal authorities need to know about her. This is sexual harassment of a minor. It just amazes me how sociopaths can do these things and brag about it and yet people for some reason don’t question their mentality as sick and warped. I was raised by one and a sister has the same traits. Everyone thinks she’s funny while she slanders people’s reputations and abuses her children. She’s very witty.
Now I could write many articles on female psychopaths because I was raised by one.
They are evil and sick. No conscience just get off on hurting and physically torturing the innocent. That’s the target the innocent (children and senior citizens).
This woman tortured me so much as a child I tried to kill myself and ran away only to be returned to the demonic female.
She manipulated her narcissistic husband to beat me to unconsciousness. If you were to view the sick dynamics in their relationship OMG.
I never knew why I was a target.
It’s just sick, I can write a lot of stories and yet I’m too attached to the events versus an observer to the crimes. All I can say she’s going to hell and not in a hand basket either. Don’t ever feel sorry for these people just talk to their victims don’t ever feel sorry for the psychopath. This is a tool they use to excuse themselves from their sick appetite of torturing the innocent. Doesn’t take an Einstein to know they will do it again and again. They work on convincing others their victim is not well emotionally and psychologically. This is covering their tracts. Oh how they know how to play the innocent role so well. They feel they’re so intelligent. I will like to view them playing their mind game to God. The true judge.