We know only too well that by far the majority of psychopaths are men. Or at least we think we know that. Could it be that the criteria used to identify psychopaths are biased towards men? After all Hare began his work in male prison.
Think about it. While behaving and being the way the PCL-R without doubt earns one the label psychopath, this is simply a list of symptoms. It says nothing about the underlying dynamics. If psychopathy is life centered on the principle of power (as opposed to love) and if it is therefore characterised by what Liane Leedom nicely calls ‘warped empathy‘, then wouldn’t you expect there to be more or less the same number of woman as men psychopaths? And wouldn’t you expect them to come across differently?
I am beginning to wonder whether there may be two broad types of psychopathy – a ‘male’-type and a ‘female’-type. I place these in quotes because, when I think about it, men with might be thought of as ‘female’ psychopathy come to mind and we all know about women with ‘male’ psychopathy. And yet, at the risk of being un-PC, I want to maintain these descriptors for now so that the difference I think I see doesn’t disappear.
A ‘female’ psychopath would not necessarily commit crimianl/antisocial acts like her male counterpart, but she woud be as power-driven, as toxically narcissistic as a ‘male’ psychopath. The control, the manipulation, the dishonesty, the selfishness, the callousness – all these would be present, but we might not recognise them for what they are because of 1. media portrayal and 2. medical diagnosis of psychopaths. The difference would come in the gendered style of their behaviour.
In my clinical work I have come across this phenomenon. For example, a woman I now consider to be of the ‘female’-type of psychopath didn’t come close to committing a crime and yet the way she mothered her daughter, my patient, came close to destroying the child’s mind. This seems to me to be a perversion of motherhood eqivalent to the perversion of fatherhood we read about on this website.
Do readers have any comments? I’m particularly interested in any examples you might have of how ‘female’ psychopathy – if such a thing does exist – manifests itself?
inthebreach57: If kids are left up to their own initiatives to resolve a conflict … they usually find a peaceful way of doing it. It’s when they listen to the structured way of how adults think, they assume they have to be loyal and take adults theories of what to do. If adults just listen to their concerns … then ask them to think about it further to see the bigger picture … then the adult and child can talk about it further the next day (the next day theory is to allow a child to understand that it is OK to think about something/anything over night … that they don’t have to be fixed on instant gratification to resolve a situation) … the adult can sit back and hear what the child has come up with as a conclusion or a different way of viewing the first myopic look at any situation. It also shows respect for the child that they can work through their own problems and are respected by the adults in their lives to give them the opportunity to look deeper into any situation.
It’s a win/win for both adults and children.
Peace.
inthebreach,
While reading your post I couldn’t help do a flash back just like Wini did. The days of school thankfully are far behind. When I was in grade school there was a boy who always yelled at kids in a foreign language. We never knew what he was saying but we just knew it was bad. Of course the teachers didn’t know what he was saying so he never got into trouble. Looking back now and thinking about it he could have been saying “have a good day and fall in the mud” we would have never known! It drove us crazy! School is so different today from all those years ago. Now children get into trouble for just about anything. Why does your son think Muslims hate us? Is this the only encounter he has had with someone of the Muslim faith? I’m happy you emailed the teacher, it’s important that the teacher know he is not racist or anything. Hopefully his teacher knows better than that. I wonder what that little girl said to him. I bet it wasn’t as bad as it seemed to be. Not understanding a language spoken to you can be scary. Especially at that age.
~Shattered
shattered: You just reminded me of something else I wrote long ago on this blogg. A short, tiny petite co-worker I worked with assumed I was a mean bitch because of my height. She automatically had a fear of me due to her size versus my size and said to me about a year after she started “Ghee Wini, when I first met you I thought you were such a bitch, but after I got to know you … you’re soooooooooo nice”. I couldn’t believe her stupidity. Of course, I never told her how stupid her thought process was … but, live and learn.
Perception again. Getting used to a new perception … getting rid of the old, bringing in the new as you age.
I’m just glad she wasn’t on a jury and I was going to be hung for J-walking or something. Gheeeeeezz.
Peace.
Wini,
That must have been something else! Saying that to you in an offhanded kind of way… oh by the way Wini…. Thanks for the laugh I needed it!
~Shattered
shattered: She was serious and had no clue it was an insult. Very young woman, just starting out in work. It reminded me of about 20 years earlier… another co-worker in another place I once worked couldn’t understand why anyone would go camping in the woods in tents. She was young too and obviously never camped in her life. She was disgusted with the fact that anyone could find pleasure in being in the woods overnight… and she blurted out her comments to everyone having the conversation. What did we do? We offered to take her camping to experience it … and then give us her opinion after the fact of doing something instead of assuming something about what she never actually experienced. I think that’s how prejudices get started in the first place, having a negative thought about something before you actually experience it first hand.
Peace.
Wini that is so true. Prejudices do come from being uneducated or inexperienced about someone or something. Although I have to say I love camping and usually hear comments about it from those who… shall we say think they are too good for it? Many miss out on so much in life without realizing it. Many of the younger generations have no idea how uncouth they are. I wonder if I could get away with being rude, judgmental and overall just disgusting? Well I could but the first thing I would notice is things disappearing. First my job!
~Shattered
shattered: That’s why everyone should be open to all experiences … cause you never know what you really will or won’t like. You don’t have to do anything or experience anything you don’t want to … just be open to any possibility. I think the more first hand we experience in life, the more it doesn’t floor us anymore … one experience opens up to other experiences … some good, some bad … but to actually experience it goes a long way than what your imagination thinks it is.
Personally, I love being in the outdoors and breathing the fresh air. I like it much more being in a $100,000 + RV than camping in a tent or a van back in the 70’s … but, that’s another story.
Peace. Reminded me of my EX is definitely a fool with his stupid RV.
Peace.
Wini, I agree. Although there are some experiences I do not want to have 🙂 When you mentioned RV the scene from the movie flashed into my mind with Robin Williams hanging onto the front because he had lied to his family and found himself in a bad situation from not being truthful. The movie was funny, but had lessons learned in it about family and truth. It’s been great talking but it is time to submit myself to the pillow fairy’s and let them take me away!! Talk to you soon and you have a very nice evening!
~Shattered
I feel that I should be an expert on female psychopaths having just split from one, 7 months ago , after a relationship that lasted 18 months . I lived with her for six months out of the 18 . This woman is what I believe one could call your classic histrionic psychopath . What does that look like you may ask . Well , from the outside , or at least , what most people saw , especially the men , was a beautifull woman who was 44 years of age who could pass for 25 any time of the day . She was flirtateous , flamboyant , appeared to be generous , appeared to be loving and affectionate . She was extremely witty , always had a good comeback line . Was extremely intuitive about all aspects of interpersonal relationships and seemed to be able to read people very easily . She tended to talk alot and laughed with one of those forced hysterical type laughs that now sends chills down my spine . Initially it did not have that effect on me . Not sure why I did not see it for what it was . Loves to give what seems like good advice to people with relationship problems but of course does not listen to her own advice when it comes to her own relationships. Her own relationships had always ended badly and she always blamed the men . She would often say in reference to her past realationships “, Smart up here “, pointing to her head ,” stupid down here “, pointing to her heart . What she should have said was “, nasty and cunning up here , nothing down here . One thing about her that I initially found strange was that she had no close friends of either sex and yet she had lived in the same city all her life . The city has about 80,000 people in it . She was not close to her family . Her parents who were in their 80s would often phone and complain that they had not heard a peep out of her for weeks . This surprised me as they seemed quite pleasant to me . Initially I thought I had found the perfect woman , man was I ever wrong about that . In fact I was so wrong , that at 52 I wondered if I had learned anything at all about women let alone human nature after all those years
So, what you may ask was hiding inside or behind this elaborate mask of what I thought was the perfect woman .
Well quite frankly the nastiest piece of humanity I had ever met . Lies , I could not believe that someone could lie that much . Manipulation , a whole new level . Head games , I did not know , had even been invented . Tempramental, beyond belief . Contradictions , all the time . Hypocritical and just generally nasty , nasty , nasty!!!!!!!!!!!!! Well after living with her for 6 months that was it . Funnily enough I almost left the first week after moving in to her house . Why did I stay . Well 1 year of dating had been out of this world everything seemed perfect , as soon as I moved in , it all went to hell in a basket . I thought she would calm down or whatever . Of coarse back then I did not know what I was dealing with . Now I do , The devil comes in small packages , God only knows where God is hanging out . Maybe he’s getting over a 2000 year hang over and hiding out some place.
Dear Quest,
Yes, the paint a picture that we like, we see that picture and fall in love with it, then once we are “hooked” into the image (not a reality) the REAL THEM comes out.
It is so odd really, that they go to so much trouble to be “nice” and paint this picture, and then, like a petulant child, as soon as it is “perfect” they spoil it. It is obvious that they KNOW HOW TO MAKE ‘NICE’ but they don’t like making nice, so when they hook a victim, the games start. It is like they can’t stand SUCCESS. No matter if it is a job, or a relationship, or friendship, as soon as all things are going well, they spoil it.
Many of them don’t have friends because they can’t maintain relationships of any kind. Others can maintain distant or superfiscial relationships. Some don’t seem to have that capacity and will only have “one friend at a time” and then when that relationship dies, they move on to another “best friend” so except for the one friend at a time, they have no one.
That is many times a red flag, especially if they have lived in the same area for a long time. Unless you are a hermit or something is definitely wrong with you, you will have a few friends that are “long term” friends. Or a group of friends from work, or the neighborhood etc.