We know only too well that by far the majority of psychopaths are men. Or at least we think we know that. Could it be that the criteria used to identify psychopaths are biased towards men? After all Hare began his work in male prison.
Think about it. While behaving and being the way the PCL-R without doubt earns one the label psychopath, this is simply a list of symptoms. It says nothing about the underlying dynamics. If psychopathy is life centered on the principle of power (as opposed to love) and if it is therefore characterised by what Liane Leedom nicely calls ‘warped empathy‘, then wouldn’t you expect there to be more or less the same number of woman as men psychopaths? And wouldn’t you expect them to come across differently?
I am beginning to wonder whether there may be two broad types of psychopathy – a ‘male’-type and a ‘female’-type. I place these in quotes because, when I think about it, men with might be thought of as ‘female’ psychopathy come to mind and we all know about women with ‘male’ psychopathy. And yet, at the risk of being un-PC, I want to maintain these descriptors for now so that the difference I think I see doesn’t disappear.
A ‘female’ psychopath would not necessarily commit crimianl/antisocial acts like her male counterpart, but she woud be as power-driven, as toxically narcissistic as a ‘male’ psychopath. The control, the manipulation, the dishonesty, the selfishness, the callousness – all these would be present, but we might not recognise them for what they are because of 1. media portrayal and 2. medical diagnosis of psychopaths. The difference would come in the gendered style of their behaviour.
In my clinical work I have come across this phenomenon. For example, a woman I now consider to be of the ‘female’-type of psychopath didn’t come close to committing a crime and yet the way she mothered her daughter, my patient, came close to destroying the child’s mind. This seems to me to be a perversion of motherhood eqivalent to the perversion of fatherhood we read about on this website.
Do readers have any comments? I’m particularly interested in any examples you might have of how ‘female’ psychopathy – if such a thing does exist – manifests itself?
I found that the control by my ex-girlfriend was established rather quickly –I think. The game plan – fit the one Truthspeak outline in their 9/5 post. What then happened was a reversal of stereotypical roles. She became the dismissive, unaffected and domineering one and I became more the pining, submissive one longing for time together and a kind word. And I am a ‘big strong guy’!
I fell head-over-heels for her. She was young, trim, beautiful. I had been out of circulation for several years.
She is a twin and I have looked into the theory that female female twins of males are exposed to high levels of testosterone in utero.
Very early on there were gifts, long make-out sessions and flirtatious and suggestive emails and texts. There were seemingly out-of -the -blue exhortations, non-sequitors and declarations that “I don’t cheat!”
As someone who befriended a female S-path and then got burned, let me warn you. First, they will strike up a “soulmate” connection. (We are so alike!) Or in my case, she was wanting me to mess with her husband so it would be ok for her to mess with mine (you and my husband are so alike! And me and your husband are like soulmates!). Then she did things for me (but not very well). Clean my house, babysit my kids, etc. She did this while making me feel like a frumpy idiot who can’t take care of my husband correctly, or dress myself nicely.
Once they have you in that submissive spot, they go after what they’re wanting. In this case, it was my husband. When he finally came forward with the unfaithfulness, suddenly she went in for the kill. I was the one who supposedly pushed her to get closer to my husband. I was the one who wanted to divorce him to get with her husband. It was all my fault. She openly divulged every confidence I had told her without remorse. She actually made ME feel bad for HER by crying and saying it was an accident. She couldn’t believe we had done this to her. She was very convincing. However, suddenly she came out with every infidelity she committed during her marriage, and we stopped counting at 30. That was when the light bulb went on for me that I wasn’t dealing with a normal person.
It’s so hard to tell a person what you’ve been through. It’s hard to believe. Heck, I didn’t even believe it until it happened to me. Female sociopaths get away with their antics by crying their way out of it, and by blaming others for their misfortunes.
I did end up marrying her ex husband. Not because that was my “devious” plan, but because he and I have a lot in common, and we have been married for 6 years now and are still the best of friends. So she is not out of my life, though sometimes I consider leaving just get rid of her. But then she would win.
One other thing to look out for: The attention overload. Suddenly she is your best friend. She will come over every day, stay till the middle of the night, and make you her newest obsession.
Wow, Truthspeak’s post at 9/5 is spot on (and her next one on the 6th as well). GREAT synopsis.
And I love Skylar’s comparison to the bright lights of casinos. Great metaphor.
Always hated casinos and gambling. Don’t get why so many people seem to be so drawn to it. Unfortunately many are, so not sure the “beware the bright lights of casinos and lovebombing” message will reach the people who need it. Many of them are the people who will only hear the words “(mumble mumble) bright lights of casinos” and ask – “Hey! Bright lights? Casinos? Which way?”
@NRmCC,
My therapist is a lesbian. My worst psychopathic abuse (by a long shot) was by my mother who was very violent and sadistic; most of my experiences with men have either been positive or at least low level abuse, for the most part. My therapist is also a trauma survivor, although I’m not sure what exactly her story is (not that it matters, what matters is that she ‘gets it’). I know that she has, in the past, attempted to raise awareness of lesbian abuse – female on female violence – and was trying to create services for them in mental health/sexual assault organizations. She’s quite open that she paid a very big price for that, and has felt almost drummed out of both the lesbian and feminist communities for daring to cross the lines of political correctness in order to try to provide services for victims. So even though, on some ways, she’s on the opposite end of the ‘group’ spectrum I come from, in the ways that matter most we are in synch.
So what you’re trying to do is important and needed. This is just a head’s up that trying to speak about it publicly can come with a very big price (ostracization and shunning being one of them), so tread carefully.
Truthspeaker and Sky are correct; this has everything to do with manipulative/abusive people pitting themselves against ‘good victims’, and very little to do with gender, race, sexual preference, etc…
One of the reasons, imo, that paths get the free ride they do in society is that most groups have been propagandized by the paths within their respective groups to pay far more allegiance to their own ‘in-group’ than to the decent people in theirs or other groups. Hard to believe, but you see it everywhere. e.g. physicans organizations defending bad abusive doctors, teacher’s unions defending abusive teachers, the Catholic Church, Nurses unions, Scouts, Guides, Lesbian groups, Gay groups, women’s rights groups, men’s rights groups, black vs. white, Japanese vs. Chinese, Shia vs. Sunni, Hindu vs. Muslim, right vs. left, urban vs. suburban, etc… ad nauseum. As long as people are willing to defend and stand behind the absolute worst member of whatever ‘group’ they see themselves as belonging to over any decent person who isn’t in their ‘in-group’ paths will always have the upper hand.
Annie,
a little off-topic but this pertains to your last paragraph about spaths getting away with murder.
http://www.nytimes.com/2012/09/20/us/us-steps-in-as-child-sex-abuse-pervades-sioux-tribe.html?hp
Oh my god, Skylar, that article is absolutely horrific. But yes, that’s exactly the dynamic that goes on, both within the tribe AND within the vaious organizations that are involved. You’re right, that’s what I was talking about in my last paragraph.
Holy crap – that’s awful. I think this is what the Bible must mean by ‘end times’.
Skylar, I read that article all the way through and I want to PUKE…
Okay, so the Indians on that reservation are “poverty stricken” and they are “alcoholics” so let’s not prosecute them for sex with babies???? Let’s let them continue to do it.
Boo hoo…
The FEDERAL OFFICIALS in charge of this should be ALSO PROSECUTED for not doing their jobs.
The uncle was entitled to have sex with the niece because she had previously had sex with her father???
This whole article just makes Jerry Sandusky seem like a saint.
At least that pervert got his just deserts. I hope he has “bubba” for a cell mate…maybe that 6 ft 5 inch Indian guy can share a cell with Sandusky!
That’s enough trauma for me for today…can’t read any more articles like that. Makes me grind my teeth and become homicidal.
Oxy,
argh. I know, it’s horrible. makes you want to become a spath and just get vengeance when you read this. But it’s just how it is.
That’s why I linked the article. This is EXACTLY how it is. This is EXACTLY the problem. It’s the minions who enable spaths, that make them powerful. WE need to sabotage the MINIONS. That’s the key. Sabotage the minions.
You know what I mean, you’ve been there, done that.
Ok. I’m in. The “Sabotage the Minions Campaign”.
GREAT idea!
Ummm, …, so how exactly do we do that? I don’t believe I’ve ever read about how to handle the minions on here (or anywhere else for that matter), just the paths. Sky, any ideas?
(But lets start with something easier to handle than the situation in that article, OK? I’m with Oxy – too liable to puke.)
Annie,
Sky and I have frequently talked about the “fence sitters” who sit by while the psychopaths do their worst to the victim.
Years ago a woman named Kitty Genovese was murdered, over a period of about a half hour…dozens, DOZENS of people heard or saw her murder and NOT A SINGLE SWINGING D*CK OF THEM even called the cops, much less helped the poor woman.
It caused a national news blitz at the time….
The people who know that you Are being abused, or know and refuse to “believe” and do nothing enable to psychopaths to have much more power than they would if people stood up to support the victim.
How to hold minions accountable? Call a spade what it is: a spade. “You KNEW about _____, and pretended that it wasn’t happening. So, in theory, you are just as guilty as _____ for sitting by and ENABLING the crimes/sins. Period. Now, begone, you foul thing.”
I don’t “need” fence-sitters. I don’t “need” people around me who would willingly look the other way and PRETEND. If I offend someone who is a fence-sitter, then GOOD. They are offensive, on every level.
And, SHAME ON THEM for enabling the carnage. I’m just as guilty of the next person of enabling spaths that entered my life, and I only took action when it was beyond obvious what they were up to because I was “afraid” that I wouldn’t be accepted or approved of. I will try to never allow guilt or shame to enter the equation, again – if someone is doing something that is patently wrong, I’m not glossing over it because I believe that I “need” their approval, acceptance, or friendship. No, thank you.
Brightest blessings