We know only too well that by far the majority of psychopaths are men. Or at least we think we know that. Could it be that the criteria used to identify psychopaths are biased towards men? After all Hare began his work in male prison.
Think about it. While behaving and being the way the PCL-R without doubt earns one the label psychopath, this is simply a list of symptoms. It says nothing about the underlying dynamics. If psychopathy is life centered on the principle of power (as opposed to love) and if it is therefore characterised by what Liane Leedom nicely calls ‘warped empathy‘, then wouldn’t you expect there to be more or less the same number of woman as men psychopaths? And wouldn’t you expect them to come across differently?
I am beginning to wonder whether there may be two broad types of psychopathy – a ‘male’-type and a ‘female’-type. I place these in quotes because, when I think about it, men with might be thought of as ‘female’ psychopathy come to mind and we all know about women with ‘male’ psychopathy. And yet, at the risk of being un-PC, I want to maintain these descriptors for now so that the difference I think I see doesn’t disappear.
A ‘female’ psychopath would not necessarily commit crimianl/antisocial acts like her male counterpart, but she woud be as power-driven, as toxically narcissistic as a ‘male’ psychopath. The control, the manipulation, the dishonesty, the selfishness, the callousness – all these would be present, but we might not recognise them for what they are because of 1. media portrayal and 2. medical diagnosis of psychopaths. The difference would come in the gendered style of their behaviour.
In my clinical work I have come across this phenomenon. For example, a woman I now consider to be of the ‘female’-type of psychopath didn’t come close to committing a crime and yet the way she mothered her daughter, my patient, came close to destroying the child’s mind. This seems to me to be a perversion of motherhood eqivalent to the perversion of fatherhood we read about on this website.
Do readers have any comments? I’m particularly interested in any examples you might have of how ‘female’ psychopathy – if such a thing does exist – manifests itself?
I just scrolled up to a post that I made in August about the colleague’s girlfriend. Wow…..to recall how desperate the situation was, then, and how I was feeling is so odd. It’s interesting, on an academic level, to actually go back and read the desperation and despair and see where I am, today.
I will never, ever allow myself to be in such a position, again. Never. “Trust issues” will be something that I will manage for the rest of my life, but I am confident that I’m going to be okay, in due time.
Brightest blessings!!!
I came across this site almost by accident in my seemingly never ending search to understand what has happened in the last twelve years. I have researched every mental disorder trying to find an explanation for my wifes’ behaviour and nothing has fit so perfectly as what I am reading today on this blog. I feel like I am reading my own biography in each and every post. The lying, the disrespect and total disregard, the hatefulness , that has come out of her and so much more , the likes of which I have never seen come from a human being. The state of confusion , the cloud that won’t clear from my brain. I’m not sure where to begin but I have been reading this blog for several days and I have seen a flicker of light in the darkness that has engulfed my life. I think I have found a thread of hope. Thank you to all of you!
Endeavortopersevere, I’m sorry that you’ve had such experiences, but glad that you have found your way to LoveFraud.com. Welcome.
Endeavor to persevere – Welcome to Lovefraud. I’m sorry your experience brought you here, but glad that Lovefraud is offering some explanation. Understanding what is going on is the first step towards recovery.
Dear Endeavor, I also welcome you to LF and am sorry that you “qualify” for our “club” but there is a great deal of helpful information here and lots of support as you learn and heal. KNOWLEDGE IS POWER, so learn and read and read more and take back your power. God bless.
endeavor,
And DARKNESS it is. Much like dracula.
It’s unfortunate you “get” it or “got” it. It is helpful to have others who have been there and seem to understand.
There is much to read. I didn’t post for a long time here but I had many ‘a ha’ moments reading all the other posts.
It can really be helpful……
So often it happens, as with ‘Endeavor to Persevere’, that I read about people in dysfunctional or abusive relationships for 5, 10 or more, years.
Why so long?
When were the problems realized and what was done to address them?
What are the main factors that keep them together so long?
Is it sex? Money? Religious beliefs? Family pressure?
Fixerupper, “Stockholm Syndrome” should explain a good part of it.
and, sorry, I’m not in the right frame of mind, at this time, to address your questions. The LoveFraud community is in shock.
Fixerupper,
The spaths control every aspect of your reality when you are with them. They fabricate so much stuff, that you would never doubt it because : WHO WOULD LIE LIKE THAT? I never imagined the totality of the fabrications, though I caught him lying a few times.
Even the source of my health issues was HIM. He was putting strychnine in my food for over 20 years. That was beyond my imagination.
You asked why so long? Because they stay until the money is gone and that’s how long it took. He didn’t just want all my money gone, he needed me to ring up the debt on the very last credit card and then…apply for another, until that well ran dry.
It wasn’t until I told him ALL THE WELLS ARE COMPLETELY DRY, that he but his most diabolical plan into action. He had already put everything in place, but it was time for the final act: My SUICIDE, where he inherits the house.
Since I wasn’t cooperating with the suicide part, I was gonna get helped along. As long as it looked like a suicide it would still work swimmingly.
When is it over? When there are no signs of life. Just yesterday I got an email from a friend of his. He thinks I don’t know his agenda, but I do. It was transparent as glass.
I left him 3 years ago but it’s not over. They never let it be over until you are dead.