We know only too well that by far the majority of psychopaths are men. Or at least we think we know that. Could it be that the criteria used to identify psychopaths are biased towards men? After all Hare began his work in male prison.
Think about it. While behaving and being the way the PCL-R without doubt earns one the label psychopath, this is simply a list of symptoms. It says nothing about the underlying dynamics. If psychopathy is life centered on the principle of power (as opposed to love) and if it is therefore characterised by what Liane Leedom nicely calls ‘warped empathy‘, then wouldn’t you expect there to be more or less the same number of woman as men psychopaths? And wouldn’t you expect them to come across differently?
I am beginning to wonder whether there may be two broad types of psychopathy – a ‘male’-type and a ‘female’-type. I place these in quotes because, when I think about it, men with might be thought of as ‘female’ psychopathy come to mind and we all know about women with ‘male’ psychopathy. And yet, at the risk of being un-PC, I want to maintain these descriptors for now so that the difference I think I see doesn’t disappear.
A ‘female’ psychopath would not necessarily commit crimianl/antisocial acts like her male counterpart, but she woud be as power-driven, as toxically narcissistic as a ‘male’ psychopath. The control, the manipulation, the dishonesty, the selfishness, the callousness – all these would be present, but we might not recognise them for what they are because of 1. media portrayal and 2. medical diagnosis of psychopaths. The difference would come in the gendered style of their behaviour.
In my clinical work I have come across this phenomenon. For example, a woman I now consider to be of the ‘female’-type of psychopath didn’t come close to committing a crime and yet the way she mothered her daughter, my patient, came close to destroying the child’s mind. This seems to me to be a perversion of motherhood eqivalent to the perversion of fatherhood we read about on this website.
Do readers have any comments? I’m particularly interested in any examples you might have of how ‘female’ psychopathy – if such a thing does exist – manifests itself?
ps Betsy, Judas rejected Christ, so who had the problem there? Jesus or Judas?
The female-psychopath who “mothered” her daughter in such a way that she almost drove the child crazy…despicable. But unfortunately…I can relate.
I was recently told by my social worker that Mom was diagnosed with NPD. Is that a form of psychopathy? I would say ‘yes’. I am so damaged at 61 (at my last place of employment a case manager referred to me as ‘broken’) that I cannot socialize properly, respond to anyone (including my husband) and cannot work.
Babs, you are not alone in being “broken” everyone here at LF was at one time “broken” by the association with a psychopath, but the thing is we do NOT HAVE TO REMAIN BROKEN…we can heal.
It may take time and work, but we can put the broken pieces back together just like gluing a china cup that has been dropped. It may have been broken into 2 pieces or 2,000 but it CAN with patience and love be pieced back together.
Read articles here and learn, go back through the archives and read each article and there are probably over 1000 of them, like 3 books, but read them and put your pieces back together one piece at a time. You can do it. We are all working on putting our pieces together and we will hold your hand and support you while you piece yourself back together.
I spent 12 years closely associated with a female sociopath who convinced me and many others who crossed her path that she was somehow spiritually and in all other ways a superior being, and blamed her angry reactions, manipulations, failures to deal with people and the eventual departure of everyone from her life apart from me on everyone else… It took a huge effort for me to leave and rebuild my life and my psyche. I have emailed my story here and it will be posted at some point, but I would say that this pathology is just as possible with females as with males, and that I was vulnerable initially to this person due to poor relationship I had with my own mother, so therefore I was looking for love and approval elsewhere.
ps. to fixerupper and truthspeak
I was very helped recently by a mention of Stockholm syndrome in an article on here to explain why I felt the need to stay so long with this person, but even more helpful was a related article I found on
Battered Person syndrome which explained that
“When Battered Person Syndrome (BPS) manifests as PTSD, it consists of the following symptoms: (a) re-experiencing the battering as if it were recurring even when it is not, (b) attempts to avoid the psychological impact of battering by avoiding activities, people, and emotions, (c) hyperarousal or hypervigilance, (d) disrupted interpersonal relationships, (e) body image distortion or other somatic concerns, and (f) sexuality and intimacy issues.[5]
Additionally, repeated cycles of violence and reconciliation can result in the following beliefs and attitudes:[6]
The abused thinks that the violence was his or her fault.
The abused has an inability to place the responsibility for the violence elsewhere.
The abused fears for his/her life and/or the lives of his/her children (if present).
The abused has an irrational belief that the abuser is omnipresent and omniscient.”
I recognised myself especially in the last about the irrational belief… I thought they would come after me and get me and spoil my life if I left, and even till recently realised I still had immense fear of them which wasnt based on reality.
Truth1, I’m glad that you found your way to LoveFraud and that you could relate to “Stockholm Syndrome.” What particularly resonated with me was this:
“The absence of abuse is perceived as an act of kindness.”
My fears were essentially based upon false perceptions, and I still grapple with those irrational fears.
Keep reading, learning, posting, and healing.
Brightest blessings
truth1-
I can relate to almost all of what you posted. My ex-gf said that she was the victim of physical, emotional and sexual abuse by family members and had been raped multiple times by men and abused by a lesbian roomate. I found out that I had to be careful about any hairs growing on my ears or how I touched her – as that could trigger a memory of an episode of that abuse. The hairs would remind her of the hairs on the older relative that sexually abused her. She was an outcast among her schoolmates. I had to pick my words carefully – because I might use an expression or word that one of her abusers used! But – I was not told all of these things until almost a year into the relationship. All the time I was wondering why we had uncomfortable moments and almost weekly fights or flare-ups. Plus she had weekly aches, pains, IC flares, moments of confusion, ‘fuzzy brain,’ and paranoia. She had her car dismantled once because she thought I put a tracking device into it. She often displayed signs of paranoia. It was her. But, I assumed it was me and took the blame for any problems we had. One moment she could be hotter than hot in intimate situations – but then turn into the most frightening, cold b!tch you could imagine.
Why did I stay? Because she hooked me early with talk about being traditional, spiritual, righteous and evoking so much pity, compassion and empathy from me. She came across as my ‘ideal’ girl. She was gorgeous.
I told her that we should break up at least three times – if she hated me so much and I caused her so much stress. Each time we did break up and then got back together the message from her was that I needed counselling. It was a condition of staying together that I do so. And she frequently exhibited signs of cheating. But I took the blame, always. I thought that she was taking me back because she was giving ME a chance. I was defective but was graced by the mercies of this goddess.
She refused to go to counselling with me or work together to solve her mystery aches and pains. I loved cooking and shopping with/for her and encouraging her to eat more and better and excercise. In the end I was ‘discarded’ for not making enough money, basically. I was just another in a long string of broken dysfunctional relationships for her.
There were times when I put her above my own son in terms of spending time with her and watching out for her. I helped her get a court order against the boyfriend that preceded me.
She claimed that I had a whole range of psychological disorders and diagnosed her own Mom with Borderline Personality Disorder. She also found a way to blame me for her unsatisfactory carreer situation.
Also, she loaned me money – which is mostly paid back and which she continues to get in installments like clockwork. But, she could never tell me and I could never understand why, she gave it to me.
And, again, she would not work on all of these issues. She apparently moved right to the next ‘target’ while she was still in the process of discarding me. And I adored her and thought that I loved her for the ‘inner person.’
What I do not know is what the connection is between her life story of abuse and hard luck and what she may be, innately.
Fixerupper, the connection between her life story and what she is has little-to-no impact with regard to her absence of conscience and lack of remorse. Nobody – and, I mean this with sincerity – that I have ever met did NOT have “bad” experiences during their liftime. Most of the women that I have met during my 52 years experienced some sort of sexual misconduct. Either it was molestation by a family member or neighbor, date-rape, or stranger-rape. The number of women AND men that I’ve met who were NOT sexually assaulted or approached (event didn’t end in sexual assault) can be counted on both hands.
The point being that dysfunctional childhoods seem to be the “norm,” and survivors of those childhoods don’t necessarily end up as sociopaths. On the other side of that coin, those childhood experiences most definitely factor into flawed core-beliefs that create “perfect targets.”
Brightest blessings
Tuthspeak-
Well, at the time I just attributed her behaviour to all of what she said had happened to her. It felt like my heart was bleeding when I heard the stories. I should have remembered that I and others have been through a lot, too – but did not then seek out and manipulate and try to destroy others.
“Because she hooked me early with talk about being traditional, spiritual, righteous and evoking so much pity, compassion and empathy from me. She came across as my ’ideal’ girl.”
Fixerupper;
This is exactly what hooked me with mine. Although he is a gay male, clinically he is more a “female-type” sociopath than the traditional male type. He is not overtly violent nor is he physically macho — he MO is that of the seductress, using charm and “boy next door” looks to hide a dark, very dark core.
Many gay men are like him, probably due to having a brain structure that is not quite male and not quite female. BPD is also very high among gay men.
Like yourself, I was just one in a string of broken relationships, although in his case very short-term ones:
1) He seems to “tire” easily of people in general;
2) Healthy people see past his mask and tire of his “quirky” behavior;
3) Like myself, they unmask his HIV status, accidentally or not…